Lies with a smile.

[AltplanB]

Ive been broken up for about 2 months now and it i am still on the emotional rollercoaster. My Ex was giving me all sorts of "i love you's" and "you make me so happy" and "your so wonderful" until a week before she broke it off. She never wanted to get back together with me and she almost did out of pure guilt, making me feel terrible that i was willing to accept that type of relationship. She never gave me an honest second chance and i feel that she lied to me about so many things.

 

She told me that she didn't want to be with anyone right now but that she was going to 'date'. A week after the dust settled and i saw her last she met another guy and is madly infatuated with him like i don't exist. That was about a month ago. Anyway i went to see her a week ago and she was totally over me with no feelings for me in anyway. She told me, with a smile, that she thought she was in love but now she doesn't think she ever was. She also told me that i wasn't the right type of guy, and although ther is nothing wrong with me, that this new guy is what she is looking for. She told me all of this while wearing his jersey as pajamas.

So anyway, she does all this with a smile and tells me that there is no chance of us ever reconciling and all the while i am getting angry at her for lying to me and to herself, and then getting angry at myself for believing her and allowing myself to get hurt. She has replaced me with this guy, whom looks exactly like me, and is totally into him. I dont know if this is a rebound but i am almost positive that she will never come back to me. I know this because of how many bfs she has gotten over and how she talked about them when she was with me. To her, they were a**h***s or jerks or really weird for some reason...It wasn't until i talked to her that she said she just didn't mesh with them or me and totally got turned off and ended it.

 

I know i deserve better and i try very hard everyday to try and get over her but she was so wonderful to me all the way up until this happened. Every night, especially on weekend nights, i think about her sleeping with this guy and it makes me sick. I am an athelte so i dont drink or smoke to dull the pain. I try to go about my daily life but i randomly get hit with feelings of serious depression. In the middle of meals ill get just sick to my stomach. So all the normal things associated with being the dumpee: sleeplessness, lonelyness, obsession with them, anger, contempt and wishful hope...

 

its a rollercoaster, plain and simple. I go from hoping to hating, from sadness to relief. I know i shouldn't dwell on the thoughts of why it happened and even though i know this, i still do it, angering myself because i can't stop. I just wish i would move on, but i can't.

 

I sometimes wonder if this really is a weakness of mine. I wonder if my ability to have such powerful emotions really are the sign of a weaker man. That i cannot cope with loss and i cannot provide the strength that a woman seeks. I never had this problem before the breakup and women liked me for my confidence and looks. She was the first that liked me for more than that and although i know believe it was a lie, she was my first love...making it harder to let go.

 

They say your first love is the hardest, not only because youve finally found someone you truly connect with, but because you let down a barrier that reveals a whole new level of pain if it thrashed. We have never felt this type of pain before and although it is normal, we think of ourselves as the only people to of felt such terrible anguish. My lasting hope has now become wishing; something that drives me insane.

 

Youve probably read my story before and thought of it as just another guy getting dumped and trying to hold on to something that will never be. I am that person and can tell you this: I will not do this to someone else. I cared for her and i helped her through many problems in her life and she dropped me when she was ready and looking for someone that didn't know her baggage. I should be really bitter and i should be really angry and at times i am. However, i have always tried to be a caring and nurturing person that finds happiness in helping others i care about through rough times. I now realize that it has opened me up to being a doormat for others and that i can be dumped at the side of the road when unneeded. I know this and yet i don't want to be a jerk.

So i go, day by day, minute by minute, looking for happiness in someone elses arms, whilst all the while hoping to go back to that one person that made me truly happy. What makes me sad is the fact that i am smart enough to know what i should be doing and what is the right path, and then letting my emotions dictate, letting me sink deeper into despair.

 

Sorry so long...

[J dub]

What makes me sad is the fact that i am smart enough to know what i should be doing and what is the right path, and then letting my emotions dictate, letting me sink deeper into despair.

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time with this AltplanB.

 

Please consider that even the strongest have their time of sorrow. The smartest can be corrected...no one is perfect.

 

Hang in there and give yourself time to greive. You have to proverbially hit rock bottom before you can begin to pick yourself up again, and rushing the natural process of healing is impossible and unhealthy.

 

You'll be ok, have faith in yourself

[AltplanB]

Is it healthy to instead just focus solely on making yourself so Zoolander that she would envy you? Im working out and improving my body, trying not to think about her. If i focus solely on this, i could score someone hotter than her and forget all about her... in the rollercoaster, thats where im sitting right now...making myself better than she is.

[J dub]

Is it healthy to instead just focus solely on making yourself so Zoolander that she would envy you?

sure, but do it for YOU. If you do it with the strategic plan to cause her envy and then it backfires, you'll feel the dispair ALL over again.

 

Ever seen those talk shows where kids come back 20 yrs later looking super hot and want to show it off to their ex love/former bully/whatever? And you'll often see, that the person they are looking to impress ends up totally disgusted and annoyed that this individual can't just "get over it"...dont be that dude!

 

If anything just do it for the sake of bettering yourself and finding someone you DO "mesh" well with

[CaliGuy]

Is it healthy to instead just focus solely on making yourself so Zoolander that she would envy you? Im working out and improving my body, trying not to think about her. If i focus solely on this, i could score someone hotter than her and forget all about her... in the rollercoaster, thats where im sitting right now...making myself better than she is.

 

Exercise is good.

Continue to tell yourself you are worthy, you deserve better, etc. You should gain some satisfaction from pleasing others but don't make it your life to do so. Women see overly helpful men as weak and needy. They do things for others so they will like them. You don't need to do things for others to like you and learn to say no. It's a sign of low self-confidence when you bend over backwards to make someone else happy.

 

Be confident in who you are. She's messed up in the head and you know that. You need to start seeing her for who she is: A very young and confused woman who in her own right has low self-esteem (she needs to be with someone to make her feel better and she needs to be with different men to boost her own self-image, a lot like my ex).

 

I found out my ex had been saving for breast implants, nose job and collagen injections. Tell me she isn't superficial and lacks self-confidence? When I told her she was beautiful just as God made her she would just roll her eyes at me. She doesn't think she's beautiful so me telling her made her think something was wrong with me. Weird, but a good sign she had issues.

 

I don't want to be with someone like that, neither should you. Take solace in the fact that you don't have to deal with her now. You WILL find someone better in time. Just keep exercising and working on your self-confidence and self-respect. You need to be happy too and it's perfectly OK for you to make sure you are.

[AltplanB]

yea i tried to be the overly helpful guy and it backfired. I went out of my way for her while she wasn't willing to do the same. But whatever, i just need to find someone better. I know it will take time for me to be ready to do that but i also know that it will happen again. Pisses me off that she up and found someone within a week. I dunno if hes a rebound and i really shouldn't care, but when everythings said and done, i care for her and wish the best for her, even though she treated me this way. So many emotions, so little time...

[Painwraith]

Dude I am in the same place as you

 

and I cant cope with it, I cant see any way out and I am going further down the spiral. **** I dont know what to do