ciara12step Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 Heres the situation me 36 her 22 been dating for 6 weeks .. first 3 weeks, very passionate, high romance, just perfect .. next 3 weeks, issues, problems, mainly due to other people, but still care alot about eachother .. but the passion and respect has dipped .. a few times i was just tryin to leave it and let it go because i felt the respect has been lost .. each time she said she's always wanted to try to the end, to make a relationship work .. she asked for space, im giving it to her, im even doin NC but that is sooooo hard, but im still doin it .. she texts me about twice a day with just random things like how are u doing and stuff .. my question is .. do i return those texts ? and what should i do to make the passion light up again or even have a chance at it lighting up again ? confused ..
SmoochieFace Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 NC means NC - no returning texts, nada, zip, zilch, zero. No Contact. Let's see... she is 22, wants space, problems with other people, etc. You know what this is about. She is way too young for a *relationship*... she wants to *find herself*, *discover herself*, etc. In other words, she doesn't want to be tied down to you or any other guy. Sorry to be blunt but that's what it is. Keep up the NC and move on. Find someone more on your emotional level of maturity.
Cecelius Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 She is 22 - confusion is her constant state of mind. Further, you were only involved for 6 weeks. Odds are she has someone else she likes better but does not have locked down yet. She will disappear when he is locked down.
Author ciara12step Posted December 16, 2005 Author Posted December 16, 2005 were still exclusive to eachother . . thats the way she wants it but its hard when shes makin an effort to see how im doin thru texts . . . but i also know that by not returning the texts its supposed to make them miss u more or somethin . i know theres a huge age difference, she prefers older guys, and she even admits to not bein mature enough at times, but do u ever wonder if u just give up so easily, that 'what if' u tried ? she wants to salvage the relationship but just wants time to get her thoughts together. the way i feel towards this one is stronger then many past relationships .. i really wanna try at least, she just text'd me with 'how am i doing' .. do i return that ?
itwontdawnsooner Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 break free! hope is a crazy thing, and theres always a chance, but dont start poisoning yourself by waiting, obessing and all that
Author ciara12step Posted December 16, 2005 Author Posted December 16, 2005 im already poisoned , lol .. those first 3 weeks was amazing .. and to have that back would be a dream .. but yea i think im livin a dream now .. im startin to do other things, goin out places and such .. but everytime a text goes off , or a phone rings, i cant help hoping its her .. and half the time it usually is her with a text or somethin ..
Author ciara12step Posted December 16, 2005 Author Posted December 16, 2005 oh i know mostly everyones against this from working .. but i still really wanna try to make this happen some how .. so since she just text'd me with 'how are u doin', what do i do ? because i kinda feel bad if im not responding to her, because shes really not playing that game .. so can someone answer this for me please ?
SmoochieFace Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 oh i know mostly everyones against this from working .. but i still really wanna try to make this happen some how .. so since she just text'd me with 'how are u doin', what do i do ? because i kinda feel bad if im not responding to her, because shes really not playing that game .. so can someone answer this for me please ? Well, then break the NC, reply to her, and get suckered into her rollercoaster *game* again and again. I was married to a woman who was nine years younger than me. Biggest mistake of my life. I wouldn't even consider *dating* anyone younger than me. I am currently in a relationship with a woman almost nine years my senior. Best move I've ever made. If you decide to stay with your 22 y/o GF you're gonna be in for a tremendous amount of drama. Your choice, of course. Basically, it seems that you want us to tell you only what you want to hear.
tanbark813 Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 She's dating around trying to figure out who she likes most. She's just keeping you on the backburner for now.
SmoochieFace Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 She's dating around trying to figure out who she likes most. She's just keeping you on the backburner for now. Right, and that's why he should consider moving on. He is the same age as I am and I can say that I wouldn't put up with that *beep*. I'm not gonna sit around and wring my hands over a girl who is playing *eeny meeny miney moe* games. I've got a life to live and it can't be wasted on frivolous *beep* such as this.
Author ciara12step Posted December 16, 2005 Author Posted December 16, 2005 She's dating around trying to figure out who she likes most. She's just keeping you on the backburner for now. actually shes not dating anyone at all because were still exclusive to eachother ... unless theres something i dont know .. she is a party girl tho , thats for sure
Author ciara12step Posted December 16, 2005 Author Posted December 16, 2005 Right, and that's why he should consider moving on. He is the same age as I am and I can say that I wouldn't put up with that *beep*. I'm not gonna sit around and wring my hands over a girl who is playing *eeny meeny miney moe* games. I've got a life to live and it can't be wasted on frivolous *beep* such as this. i feel u on that too smoochie, and yea i am putting up with alot, but sometimes the chase can work even if all the odds are stacked up against u .. but i know what you mean on wasting time
tanbark813 Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 unless theres something i dont know .. Famous last words.
RecordProducer Posted December 17, 2005 Posted December 17, 2005 been dating for 6 weeks .. what should i do to make the passion light up again? :confused: Now if you said 6 years, I would understand ... Ummm, I'd say the answer would be: nothing?
Kitteney Posted December 17, 2005 Posted December 17, 2005 ...she's doing the "guy thing" and "testing the waters". She's exploring other options and they have not yet firmed up--no pun intended, well, actually i did intend that--so she's checking in to see if you're still on the hook. Once she lands a keeper, she'll cut you loose.
Author ciara12step Posted December 17, 2005 Author Posted December 17, 2005 update .. well today i kept playin the NC thing .. and she kept texting me .. after quite a few texts i felt i couldnt ignore and it wasnt right since she doesnt ignore me , so she starts askin me how have i been doing, i told her i went to the movies, she asked 'with who' ? i told her a girls name, and she got really upset and said 'i guess that means we can start goin out with whoever' .. the thing is , that the person i went is like a sister to me (plus she has a boyfriend), shes one of my best friends, and another friend was gonna go with us also but he ended up not making it, so me and my sis type a friend just went to the movie she told me thats like goin on a date alone and she would never do that, i kept explaining to her it was nothin like that , so now i dont know what shes thinking again . i know everyone keeps saying , let it go, but do u ever feel like something can be worthwhile no matter how many odds you are up against ? is there anyone that can find any positive out of this ?
SmoochieFace Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 update .. well today i kept playin the NC thing .. and she kept texting me .. after quite a few texts i felt i couldnt ignore and it wasnt right since she doesnt ignore me , so she starts askin me how have i been doing, i told her i went to the movies, she asked 'with who' ? i told her a girls name, and she got really upset and said 'i guess that means we can start goin out with whoever'. Typical. She wants to have her cake and eat it too... god, I hate cliches but it is true. According to her twisted *logic*... it's cool for her to date (i.e. f***) around but if you go to the cinema with *gasp* a girl she fruits. Tell her to piss off. 1
Sevenmack Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 For a 36-year-old man, you haven't exactly developed much in the way of strength of character, have you? Not to be insulting, but you've reacted hysterically to the wishy-washy ways of a tadpole, a girl of 22 who isn't even worth your time. While she's certainly a heinous b---h, one can't blame her for ditching you and treating you as she is. When one allows oneself to be treated poorly by someone else, that treatment is deserved until one shows enough backbone and stops taking it. You should have cut contact with her as soon as she decided to ditch the relationship. The moment she ended things, she lost any role in your life and any right to ask for conditions. Instead of reacting as you have, you should have told her: "That's cool. Now I can fit [insert new girl's name here] into tonight's schedule," or "I can go on that vacation in the south of France I had held off on taking." In other words, show that she's not the most important person in your life. You should ignore all her text messages. Period. Send her a message that no contact means no contact and it will only happen when she gets her act together, pays penance for her behavior and shows she's changed by her actions. If she ever does; chances are she will always be narcissistic and contemptible. In any case, someone should be the grownup in all this. Since you should be the grownup by wont of your age, behave like one. Finally, you need to do is get control of your emotions. You can't help what some b--h does to you, but you aren't powerless over your reactions to her moves. So many of us get trapped in situations because we behave as if we lack emotional intelligence. Not that acquiring it is an overnight thing; it takes years to do so. But Jesus H. Christ, you're not powerless over yourself, so stop acting like you are.
Author ciara12step Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 sevenmack i do appreciate your honesty and dont take it offensely .. she hasnt left me or anything like that, just the character of who she was before in the beginning has changed, but u are right by me letting her get away with many things .. sometimes u feel like u get a point of walkin on egg shells and u just try to handle things smoothly until u can get control of things again . there already has been 2 instances where i said its better that we split up and i never look back again and that i'll probably be dating someone else, thats what usually makes her think and say hey lets just keep trying to make this relationship work but appreciate every word of advice .. currently were doin okay, communication is good, but i wanna figure out a way to bring back the passion to where it once was ..
TarHeelin78 Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 Hey C...Similar thing...I'm 27 and not much of a dater. I met a girl 2 1/2 weeks ago and had an amazing 2 weeks of conversation and getting together. In one of those, she was honest and told me about another guy she was 'getting to know' and he was coming back this past week. But how attractive and fun I was, etc. So anyway, she came on strong for 2 weeks and this past week has been little contact but enough to keep you in the game. She sent me an email saying she was dealing with things on different 'levels' as well as being very busy (finals, ((we are grad students)) xmas shopping, dinner party, and whatever else she said). Now mind you, once she stated her situation, I said strong boundries, I'm not getting caught up in that shiz. Anyone who is between guys, at that point, isn't ready for either one of them. She may need to figure things out for a bit, and that's alright. She calls and I'll be fun and not even acknowledge stuff. But, this is her thing, I'm just on the sideline. Now a couple of interesting things...if she liked this other guy, why would she give me her number and chase me for 2 weeks. As great as the 2 weeks have been, you can almost ensure that the negative can be just as intense as the positive. Actions speak louder than words...Learn to say okay and have a life. Enjoy yourself and don't pin it on someone who hasn't taken the time to prove to you that they deserve it. I see it like this girl has a decision to make, I've let it be known that I'd be interested, and I'm done for a while. It sounds like your girl is trying to keep your interest and not you. Would you want someone who needs to do that? I dunno that I would get mixed up with my girl, if they are willing to do it with you, they are willing to do it to you... I suggest you stay away from the games. Go workout, go flirt with women (they are absolutely gorgeous beings), read, and shut off your phone. Leave it for days at a time if you can. Break your attachment and have fun...Remember, the only person who allows you to get walked on is you, by lying down...Hope I was able to help you...
tanbark813 Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 i wanna figure out a way to bring back the passion to where it once was .. Bro, you've been dating 6 WEEKS and you said the passion died after 3. Passion is supposed to fade after years not weeks. You better hope she's seeing other people because if she's only seeing you and the passion faded after 3 weeks then you have some serious work to do on your lovemaking skills.
Author ciara12step Posted December 22, 2005 Author Posted December 22, 2005 tarheel youre right, actions speak louder then words, and boy do we have to keep our eyes open ... only time will tell but i do have to keep my eyes open for whatever else is out there
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