JadeStar Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 I was on the phone with a friend of mine earlier, and we were talking about our kids etc. She was telling me how her daughter has been misbehaving lately etc. Well right in the middle of our conversation her daughter comes and tells her that their cat had peed in her bed. So my friend tells her daughter in a nice way if she would take the sheets off her bed she would be glad to wash them for her. Her daughter (who is 6) cops an attitude and says outloud, "You do it!" Her mother then tells her nicely again to take the sheets off and she will wash them. She also told her daughter it was not to much to ask that she do this. Well her daughter yells at her mother and says "You're lazy!" Her mother then tells her to go to her room and as she does, she's still screaming, "You're lazy, you're lazy!" her mother tells her to not come out of her room until she has calmed down and stops talking like that to her. Her daughter then is screaming and crying saying "I hate you, you don't love me. You love me zero!" her mother walks out of the room so she and her daughter both can gain some composure. I think my friend is at her wits end because her daughter has been displaying this kind of behavior for awhile now. Any advice? Jade
lilmoma1973 Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 I was on the phone with a friend of mine earlier, and we were talking about our kids etc. She was telling me how her daughter has been misbehaving lately etc. Well right in the middle of our conversation her daughter comes and tells her that their cat had peed in her bed. So my friend tells her daughter in a nice way if she would take the sheets off her bed she would be glad to wash them for her. Her daughter (who is 6) cops an attitude and says outloud, "You do it!" Her mother then tells her nicely again to take the sheets off and she will wash them. She also told her daughter it was not to much to ask that she do this. Well her daughter yells at her mother and says "You're lazy!" Her mother then tells her to go to her room and as she does, she's still screaming, "You're lazy, you're lazy!" her mother tells her to not come out of her room until she has calmed down and stops talking like that to her. Her daughter then is screaming and crying saying "I hate you, you don't love me. You love me zero!" her mother walks out of the room so she and her daughter both can gain some composure. I think my friend is at her wits end because her daughter has been displaying this kind of behavior for awhile now. Any advice? Jade Jade her daughter sounds exactly the way my daughter is .. I have called to make an appointment with a physcologist to get the root of her problems maybe you could suggest that to your friend !! I wish her all the best of luck cause nothing i am doing is helping!!! I am at my wits end too tell her to hang in there and walk away when it gets too bad !!!
Becoming Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 Girls seem to go through this kind of crap at different stages, it seems to me. It's like the terrible 2's/3's with verbal instead of physical fits. I hate to tell you this, but they also seem to do it later as well at different stages. The good news is that once you get it under control and they see that they can't bamboozle ya and that you mean business in a calm, respectful way (Boy, is that hard!), they get it and you move on. It's like these power struggles. One of my daughters got grounded for a week everytime she said something disrespectul, and during one afternoon alone she worked up to being grounded for almost 3 mths. But I stuck by it (also not always easy), and IT WORKED! The disrespect all but disappeared from that time on. So hang tough, ladies. I now have the most amazing 13- and 16-year-olds on the planet, so I must've done something right. At least I haven't screwed 'em up too badly so far. 1
lilmoma1973 Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 Girls seem to go through this kind of crap at different stages, it seems to me. It's like the terrible 2's/3's with verbal instead of physical fits. I hate to tell you this, but they also seem to do it later as well at different stages. The good news is that once you get it under control and they see that they can't bamboozle ya and that you mean business in a calm, respectful way (Boy, is that hard!), they get it and you move on. It's like these power struggles. One of my daughters got grounded for a week everytime she said something disrespectul, and during one afternoon alone she worked up to being grounded for almost 3 mths. But I stuck by it (also not always easy), and IT WORKED! The disrespect all but disappeared from that time on. So hang tough, ladies. I now have the most amazing 13- and 16-year-olds on the planet, so I must've done something right. At least I haven't screwed 'em up too badly so far. Yeah Becoming consistant is the key but sometimes that it don't matter how consistant i am she still tries to push my buttons and aggreviate me till i give in just done that this morning !! We had given her playstation back for an hr cause she had done really good!! Well as soon as i did and she played it and then made her get off she tried for more time so i gave her 20mins but when i came in there to tell her to get off she gave me a time!! She told me No!! I was furious and h knew she had given us trouble all day and left me home with her and went to band practice!! I was very stressed after going on that outing with her and was ready for a break and he left and got an outlet !!! My h had the nerve to tell me that he wasn't here and when she acted like that it had nothing to do with him!! He basically said it was me!!! He wasn't at fault!!! WTF !! How is that? I don't baby her when she has been ugly i am very consistant and he isn't !! I punish her and he buys **** !!
Author JadeStar Posted December 16, 2005 Author Posted December 16, 2005 moma, sounds like your husband goes out to do his thing because he doesn't want to deal with whats going on, or help for that matter. I think it seems he puts the blame on you because hes not willing to own up to possibly being a contributing factor for why the way things are. Have you mentioned to him that marraige/family is about give and take and working together as a team, not just one sided? Jade
lilmoma1973 Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 moma, sounds like your husband goes out to do his thing because he doesn't want to deal with whats going on, or help for that matter. I think it seems he puts the blame on you because hes not willing to own up to possibly being a contributing factor for why the way things are. Have you mentioned to him that marraige/family is about give and take and working together as a team, not just one sided? Jade Yes and he blames everyone but his self and she acts this way cause she has seen him lash out and destroy things!! I think my daughter doesn't know how to express her anger the right way she thinks it is throwing and screaming because h has done these things in the past and she can't get past what has been done !! Yes my h gets away cause he rather not deal with it and always had!! Why would i think it be any different with our daughter because it was the same with ss i did everything guess my patience is gone from dealing with ss for so long that i have nothing left to give !!
Vince45 Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 Wow seems like you're burned out! If you feel you have nothing left to give and you're completly frustrated with the whole thing, and see that things will not change with your husbands lack of respect, then just get out of the situation. Assuming you all have tried many things and been to counseling of course? If you have, and this is still not working out, it maybe time to move on. Let me guess you whine and groan and moan about your miserable relationship and how you have tried this and that, but nothing works, but yet if told to leave if you're unhappy, you'll make up every excuse in the book not too? OH I stay for the kids sake? He suporrts me, he is the sole provider? I have no place to go? He can be nice when he wants to be? They seem like pretty good excuses to stay, but poor ones, and it probably will not change. Either accept him being a jerk, or leave. Its really pretty cut and dried, more so than you think.
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