Why is it that a woman is a slut if...

[damwinston]

I could care less who a woman sleeps with but anybody male or female who sleeps with a married person has no class. I am sorry if that offends some people but it needs to be said.

 

First, you are posting on a board where people have slept with or had relationships with MM or MW, whatever the circumstances. This is not the best place to say such a thing and no, it didn't need to be said. Most, if not all, of us feel bad, guilty, and depressed because of what happened. No one set out to hurt anyone. But it takes two. Why is it the person who is not married who has no class? I took no vows. I had no commitments. He did (although he told me that he didn't).

 

Second, hate to break it to you but a lot of these MM/MW are not honest and don't openly admit that they are married or otherwise involved.

 

Third, a person who makes such ridiculous statements may have "class" but they sure as hell don't have much information, research or tact.

 

Fourth, then please do tell what makes you the expert on this subject. Have you been or are you involved with a MM or MW? Or were you the one cheated on? Place the blame where it lies - with the cheater, not with the one with "no class" that fell in love with the wrong person and believed that they were loved in return.

 

There is no need to make people on this board feel worse than we all already do about the situations that we find ourselves in. But I hope that it made you feel better. I have noticed that people only put others down in the hopes of raising their self-esteem.

 

Happy Holidays Woggle. I do hope that you re-think your statement.

 

dammy

[Woggle]

That is my view damwinston and I am sticking to it. If people want to sleep with many partners more power to them but there are plenty of single people to sleep around with. Also if people get hurt trying to fall in love with a married person they got what they asked for

[Art_Critic]

I could care less who a woman sleeps with but anybody male or female who sleeps with a married person has no class. I am sorry if that offends some people but it needs to be said.

 

 

I agree with you Woogle.. Also I would like to add that the married person had no class either..

 

 

Crass yes.. Class no..

[MySugaree]

The more things change the more they remain the same. My old friend Spock, I believe, started the now legendary slut poll thread. I remember that LS women mostly battled among themselves. The term "slut" is primarily used by by women against women whom they perceive as cheating with married men, and doing so unapologetically. Show contrition on these Boards and the worst offender will be spared the perjorative. Cheat defiantly, and celebrate that fact, then you're labeled a "slut."

 

The Infidelity Wars grind on...

[sparticuss]

Just wanted to add one more thing, sparticuss. When it comes down to a man wanting to get serious and get M do they really honestly want a woman that likes to sleep around and who is easy? Is a woman that loves to sleep around w/ no strings attatched really what a guy wants to get serious w/?

 

My H said that most guys wont get serious w/ a woman that has a reputation for sleeping w/ a lot of men b/c of trust issues. Maybe that's not true for all men, but I know from my H, and my brothers, that they would of never M a woman who had a reputation of sleeping w/ a lot of guys just for the fun of it.

 

Tircky one there Mopar.

And yet another double standard.

The girl who has slept aroudn cant be trusted ot commit to oneguy but the girl who is still a firgin is too fridgid to enjoy the sex involved in a normal marriage.

 

I think it come s back to individuals. I've seen girls who have sown thier wild oats who get married and never touch another man agian. They are getting all they want from their husbands. Adn I knew one paticular primand proper virgin who , quite suddenly fell in love and got marrried withing a matter of weeks. Even as a virgin bride she had no boubts that she would enjoy sex. And she did.

[damwinston]

Woggle you are not seeing the whole picture . As Art said it the married person has no class and is obviously lacking in many other characteristics at least in my past situation!

 

It is like high school (except in high school you could just spread rumours about people saying horrible things about others and/or the way that they acted).

 

Why is it always the OM/OW that is blamed and not the cheater?? I had no commitments - apparently he did. But no, he was not married although I imagine that he is now.

 

And yes, I have class, but I was stupid enough to believe the lies that I was told. That may make me naive or stupid or whatever but has absolutely NOTHING to do with class.

 

And in my case, what do you think about the woman that my ex is with now (whom he got back with)? She has emotionally and possibly sexually assulted her children (CPS has been called 5 times on her). She is a wacko. Part of the reason that I went NC with him and broke things off is because I realized that if he was there then the kids hopefully wouldn't "accidentally" get hurt anymore. She has also threatened to kill me, my family (86 year old father and a mother with one leg). I have not threatened her in the least. In fact, I have apologized to her.

 

So now tell me who has no class.

 

If I had set out to screw a MM then yes fine I agree. Most of us didn't plan that. Most of us were lied to.

 

The question begs to be asked why you are saying insulting things on a forum where people have found themselves in this situation? Really don't you think that we have all beat ourselves up over this enough?

 

Are you the MM/MW or the OW/OM? Are you the one that was cheated upon? Or just another person who believes that they are right and know what is right for everyone?

 

Finally, you can believe whatever you please. People often believe things without any facts; however that doesn't make them correct - just closed-minded and uninformed.

 

Believe me if I had it to do all over again I wouldn't choose this path but I was lied to. And I would not even choose this path because of the pain that it has caused me, but rather the pain that the children were caused. And I mean physical and emotional pain. I can heal and will but a 6 year old who has been sexually assulted twice, emotionally assulted at least once that I know of ever heal? I think not. I know because I know people who have been in her place (the little girl). So I took my low class attitude and bailed.

 

However I can't go back and change things or I would, believe me that I would. I think that most of us would.

 

I still can't figure out what situation you are/were in and you don't seem to want to tell the truth. I guess that is no class in your book. I don't know. I am not here to judge. I just wanted some information

 

The truth sucks most of the time.

 

Again, happy holidays.

 

dissappointed,

no class dammy

[Sami_D]

People who classify other people with their idiotic categories... Well, they have too much time on their hands. They act only from a motive of wanting to trash other people... probably because they feels in some way lacking in themselves.

 

If you really think you might like to end up with someone who listens to such nonsense... then modify your behaviour to appease the 'moral majority'.

[damwinston]

Sami D -

Are you referring to my post or others? Just a little clarification needed.

Have a wonderful holiday.

dammy

[Woggle]

Damwinston you made your mistakes and learned from them. I have made mistakes myself so you have the right to redeem yourself and not have your past held against you but it still was a wrong thing and he has no class either and the kids should be taken out of that abusive situation. like I said I am far from perfect but i admit my past wrongs. I had my reasons that made sense to me at the time but the fact of the matter is that I was wrong and I am responsible for what I did. I could care less if a woman slept with 1000 guys as long as they were single but if one them was married and she has not admitted to her wrongdoing I want nothing to do with her. I am about to get married and at age 41 I know damn well she is no virgin but she is faithful to me and that is all that matters.

[damwinston]

Well then woggle it is good that you and I are not getting married. I did no wrong. I was lied to and was stupid enough to believe it.

 

Don't tell me that I have not made "redemptions" for what has happened. I have made as many redemptions as I will. I have even apologized to the abuser of the children (the woman). I have found that only 2 people hold my "past" against me - sadly one of them posts here. The other abuses her children. Now who needs redemption? The abuser or the one who seems to enjoy putting people down?

 

I find that sleeping with 1000 people morally reprehensible but that does not mean that I have the right to judge people based on my morals, or I am sorry lack of class.

 

Don't throw stones at glass houses. And always remember what goes around comes around.

 

But it is VERY telling that you won't tell your story. Maybe you do need to get some redemption. Maybe YOU did do something wrong. I didn't. I was stupid and lied to. I am sorry for it but there is nothing more I will do about it and talking to someone who can't and won't see the light is a waste of both my time and yours.

 

dammy

[The Weaponeer]

Being new here....

I will add a few points....

 

My girlfirend has slept around a lot.... So have I.... More so than her....

We're noth in middle age...

In my case it was all in relationships....

In her case, she was coerced into swinging when she was married....

She eventually got divorced from the guy but not before she ended up in group sex situations etc....

She's now really ****ed up (pardon the pun)

She has with age realised, that all that she got from sleeping around was...

(in spite of safe-sex practices) several STD's.... a bad reputation, her family disowned her...

Several guys she wanted to have relationships with upon finding out about her past, have dumped her.... but not until they'd had a few times in the sheets...

She cries a lot....

 

It's been hard for me to deal with all her issues... I often feel like I am trying to 'repair' her.... Running into her past partners is not easy....

 

Women can sleep around all they want....

Women can have all the sex they want....

But the price is steep....

[damwinston]

But she is a lucky girl and you are a lucky guy to have found each other and have understanding for what must be a very difficult situation.

Please don't take offense but she has to "repair" herself. You can only be there to support her and love her but the healing has to come from within her.

And don't let what others say get you down.

I wish you the best and Merry Christmas.

dammy

[Woggle]

Well then woggle it is good that you and I are not getting married. I did no wrong. I was lied to and was stupid enough to believe it.

 

Don't tell me that I have not made "redemptions" for what has happened. I have made as many redemptions as I will. I have even apologized to the abuser of the children (the woman). I have found that only 2 people hold my "past" against me - sadly one of them posts here. The other abuses her children. Now who needs redemption? The abuser or the one who seems to enjoy putting people down?

 

I find that sleeping with 1000 people morally reprehensible but that does not mean that I have the right to judge people based on my morals, or I am sorry lack of class.

 

Don't throw stones at glass houses. And always remember what goes around comes around.

 

But it is VERY telling that you won't tell your story. Maybe you do need to get some redemption. Maybe YOU did do something wrong. I didn't. I was stupid and lied to. I am sorry for it but there is nothing more I will do about it and talking to someone who can't and won't see the light is a waste of both my time and yours.

 

dammy

 

I have told my story many times on here. The point is that I own up to mistakes. Do you own up to yours?

[damwinston]

I apologized to a child abuser who has threatened to kill me and my family. What the hell do you call that?? I wish the whole thing had never happened and I told her that.

 

You can make mistakes but still not know what you are doing is wrong! It is like a car accident. Was it a mistake? Obviously. Was it planned? Obviously not. Do I need to either beat myself up (or have someone else attempt to beat me up) over it? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

What you STILL don't get is that when I began with him I was not involved, and, according to the conversation that I heard with his gf, neither was he. So that makes me an idiot or naive, not making mistakes.

 

The last time that he came up here I knew that he was back with her and we were not intimate. I was involved with him only when he was not involved with someone else.

 

As for redemption. If you think that I am going to go and pray and ask for forgiveness because I inadvertently got involved with someone who lied to me and was apparently still involved with someone else then you are sorely mistaken.

 

He needs to ask for forgiveness from his gf, me, my parents, and our mutual friends. Do I expect that to happen? NO. That would require testicular fortitude and it seems that most cheaters don't have that.

 

I have never cheated on a boyfriend and have no desire to. I will never get involved with someone with kids because then there is a bond between the two of them that is too strong (as it should be).

 

But I really appreciate you saying such wrong, uninformed, hurtful things at this time of year. It really fits with the Holiday spirit.

 

Finally, and pay attention here because you haven't gotten it before and this is the last time that I will say it: PEOPLE HERE ARE HURTING FOR WHATEVER THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES AND HAVING YOU CONDEMN PEOPLE (OR MAYBE YOU JUST ENJOY TRYING TO HURT ME) DOESN'T HELP.

 

Good luck in your marriage. I do not agree with you at all; however I do wish you all the happiness in the world with your fiance.

 

finished with this conversation that goes nowhere because you won't or can't open your eyes and see the truth,

dammy

[Woggle]

I am not trying to be hurtful. That is not my aim at all and your story sounds a little different than your average other woman story. I don't know why you should apologize to a child abuser. You should have actually called CPS. I am not so much speaking to you but to people on both sides of the coin who see nothingw rong at all with sleeping with married. Married people that cheat are even worse. I was referring to somebody like the priginal poster who is proud of the fact that she would sleep with a married man. I apologize if my words hurt you but that was not my intention at all. You made a mistake just like I have many times in my life and hopefully you learned from it.