Please Help!! Very Angry And Don't Want To Do Something Stupid!!

[MIOSBORNE]

As Most Of You May Remember I Have Suspected My Wife Of Cheating And She Asks For Her "space" Off And On. The Past Two Days Have Been Rough And She Has Had A Very Nasty Attitude And Been Talking About How Our Marriage Has Been "bad" From Day One. One Of The Problems Was That She Had A Loaner Cell Phone From The Guy She Has Been "talking" To Only On The Telephone According To Her. He Works At Tmobile. The Phone Was Cut Off By Tmobile. She Calls Me This Morning From A New Cell Number From Tmobile Even Though She Has No Money!! I Know She Went To This Guy To Get A "hook Up" On Another Phone But She Denies It. I Am Sick Of Her Bs And Am In A Rage Right Now. I Am Tempted To Destroy This Phone And Send Her Behind Packing Because I Am Sick Of This Bs. I Know She Is Not Working And We Have A Daughter But I Am Ready For Her To Leave If She Can't Respect Me. She Has Refused To Turn The Free Phone From Him Back In!!! She Acts Like It Is No Big Deal And This Is Making Me Very Angry!!! I Feel So Stupid Letting Her Do This And Ignoring Past Red Flags. I Even Paid Her Car Note For Her Because She Is Not Working. I Feel Very Used And Abused!!!

[slubberdegullion]

OK, slow down a bit. You've got a right to be angry but you won't think clearly when you're in this state.

 

If you don't want to do something stupid, then don't. It's simple.

 

So calm down first.

 

Next, contact a good divorce attorney. Tell her nothing. Don't even engage her if possible.

 

Get your financial and legal ducks in a row before you do anything else. Never mind the phone, never mind the car note, never mind anything else including her attitude until you've got all the legal and financial stuff arranged.

 

Once that's done - and do it today, right now - then come back to LS and we'll all help you work through this stuff.

 

But for right now, for this very minute, just plain stop being angry and start thinking clearly. Got it?

[Outcast]

What is with the capital letters???

 

I Know She Went To This Guy To Get A "hook Up" On Another Phone But She Denies It.

 

So what's her story? How did she get the new phone?

[Kenyth]

I don't know. If he can find the phone, I don't think he can get in a whole lot of trouble. I wouldn't destroy it though. Wait till night falls. Turn off the ringer on the home phone. Call the home phone with the cell. Pick up the call on the home phone. Leave them both on and go to sleep! LOL! Priceless! Literally!

[Owl]

Go to the marriagebuilders website...look through all the information that they've got there, and then join up on the forum and post your whole story under the 'General Questions II' section.

 

You'll get tons of good advice there.

 

Personally, I think that you need to get enough information that she's maintaining something that is further than a normal friendship...and then expose that to ANYONE who can put pressure on her to end her 'affair'.

 

Again, read up over there....this should help you out a lot.

[lilmoma1973]

Go to the marriagebuilders website...look through all the information that they've got there, and then join up on the forum and post your whole story under the 'General Questions II' section.

 

You'll get tons of good advice there.

 

Personally, I think that you need to get enough information that she's maintaining something that is further than a normal friendship...and then expose that to ANYONE who can put pressure on her to end her 'affair'.

 

Again, read up over there....this should help you out a lot.

 

Owl that is and excellent site and it has helped my marriage too ! Make you understand what you are wanting in a relationship!!! I highly recommend the marriage builders site and reccommend that you read what makes women leave very interesting!!!

[Kenyth]

Sorry, my last post wasn't very constructive. Although it is fun to think about!

 

Anyway Slubber gave the best advice. There's no better way to end an affair than to walk out the door or kick them out. If they don't respond to that, there wasn't much hope to begin with.

[Lil Honey]

Okay . . . she doesn't have a job. She is home and (supposedly) taking care of a child . . . and she needs a cell phone WHY? ? ? ?

 

If getting a cell isn't a big deal to her, then she won't mind not having one. If it isn't a big deal, maybe she should have let her husband go by one, especially if she's had some questionable relationship with this guy before. Or she could have bought one from any other company than Tmobile. If for no other reason than to keep her husband from going bananas and not trusting her.

 

Edited to add: Don't break the phone and don't let your rage continue. Both of those are things that she could use against you to "prove" that you are violent. Do what you do with methodology/planning.

[wannabeloved]

I truly feel for you. I am going through the same BS with my husband. I don't know for 100% fact that he is actually having an affair, or maybe I just don't want to accept it. I just recently found out that he bought himself a cell phone which he already has one, but this one is for him to hide from me. He has been acting strange but also telling me he wants to give us one last try. We went to see a therapist a couple of days ago, but I am not sure if he's going because he's too afraid to tell me it's over. So I don't know what to tell you to do either because I have no clue what I should do myself. But I can tell you to try and be strong, I just wished I could take my own advice. So now I will tell you what I am going through.

 

This is both our 2nd marriage. I have a 16 year old daughter, which she was 11 when he came into out lives. He has 3 kids which live with us full time which I am raising more than he is because he is out doing what he is doing and not being at home. He works about 1 hour & 1/2 away from home. He's originally from there but not myself. I have asked him several times but he says he is not doing anything wrong or anything he shouldn't be. I have not confronted him about me knowing I found out about his secret cell phone. I have even managed to find the ph# for it. I have been screwed around on from my 1st husband, so I know what signs to look for.

 

I truly love him, and I am excellent to his kids and he knows this. There has been an issue with me not doing what he wanted me to do with my daughter because of guilt I have felt because she was so hurt when I kicked her father out. So I have been letting her get away with things that I should not have. So by me doing this, he felt I disrespected him. But that is not what I was trying to do, I was just torn in between making both of them happy. We have fought alot about this, and he has left with his kids before to go stay at his mom's because he was so fed up with it, but he's came back. but I didn't stick to my word. Not intentionally though.

 

I now realize how much he is hurting by me not respecting him. I have admitted to this and have asked him to give me once more chance before he just throws our marriage away which he said he will, but he stays out alot later that he says, and my gut feeling is that he is not being totally honest with me.

 

I can say that other than the issue with my daughter I am a great wife to him, which he has told me. But is it too late for me to prove that I am changing??? He said he is not stopping me from proving myself and also said he's not going anywhere YET, but truly I don't think he's being honest. I am making myself sick over this. I can't eat, sleep or think straight.

 

And to make things worse, I had surgery 7 wks ago and am going through hell, I did not heal as I should have and it's been hell for me as I am sure him too, but I am slowly getting better. But because of all the stress I am going through, my home nurse has been telling I need to stop doing this to myself.

 

But my question is...how and what should I do?

 

I am sorry for this being soooo long, but this is the 1st time I have ever posted anything on the internet. And I just needed some advise and help from anyone who may help me.

 

I appreciate any advise at all!

[Kenyth]

Wannabeloved, I'm sorry for your troubles.

 

You would get a lot more attention and advice if you started a seperate thread for your post though. It's not really fair to hijack Miosbourne's thread.

 

Thanks!