riobikini Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 "One of these days, they'll get back what they dished out". That's one of the thoughts you think during or at some point after a breakup. Especially if it was a bad one. You can't help but think that nasty thought during the anger stage. In some of my experiences, I couldn't. I was hurting so badly and going through so many emotions, flip-flopping from wanting to just hold him tight to choking the hell out of him. And I wondered during brief moments about my sanity. I didn't realize it was normal to feel that way. There were times, that, the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I'll let you in on a few of those thoughts: I wanted to SCREAM at him, telling him off...telling him about how badly I thought he was treating me.....I wanted to remind him that he was throwing away a very good thing and that he would be sorry about losing it once he had re-entered the single scene again and was able to compare me to others......(at least, I HOPED he would find no one better than me...but I was secretly afraid and unsure about that)....I wanted him to anguish over the loss and feel every bit of the pain I was feeling, I wanted him to be LONELY and SAD and EMPTY without me.....I wanted to know he felt regret because of leaving me.......I wanted his life to fall apart and him to come running back to me begging for me to take him back....and even then if he did, I wanted him to suffer just a little longer until I did take him back. And then , after thinking these horrible thoughts, I would feel ashamed. I didn't know it was normal. The next group of feelings were exactly the opposite: I wanted to run and bury myself into his arms and just sob, telling him how much I loved him and that I never wanted to be apart from him. I wanted just to feel his arms encircle me and have him pressing close to me in that familiar comforting way that gave me such a feeling of security and a sense that I 'belonged' there, in his arms. I desperately wanted assurance that he loved me DEMONSTRATED physically and words from HIS MOUTH that I could believe came straight from his heart...words that assured me he wasn't going away, that everything was going to be OK, and that he loved me. I wanted things to be 'THE SAME' as before. But I wanted the impossible. After a breakup, things are never 'the same'; you only have two options- it ends (either eventually or long drawn out; either badly or with grace), or it survives the storm and you both begin working on healing the hurts, making the necessary changes, and repairing the damage. It takes the strength, maturity, character and TRUE LOVE of two people (not just one) to repair a relationship. During the anger stage of a breakup things can be said that make it more difficult to reach the threshold of reconciliation. So do your screaming in your bedroom, throw the shoe at the wall, write the nasty letter and burn it but never send it. Instead of waiting for 8 hours parked across the street from his work waiting for him to appear, buy a huge Teddy Bear, bury your face in it, hug the hell out of it, and cry all you want. You are NOT crazy...you are just hurting. Plenty of others have been there but there seems to be so few who can relate EXACTLY to what you are feeling. But you need someone to listen to your sobs and your story and tell you you can get through this. I'm telling you just that, now.
heartnsoul Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 I don't think there was a shred of this post that I couldn't relate to! Very nice Breaking up and all the emotions that ensue can often times make one question their sanity; no doubt about it! In my experience, the notorious five stages of grief can really grip your being for what seems like ages. Understanding these stages; denial, anger/resentment, bargaining, depression, and last but not least, acceptance. I have found that I've been bouncing from denial to anger and then back to denial again (with those others in the mix all the while) The title of your thread caught my eye. A couple weeks ago I decided to take a step in stopping some of the emotional mess that I've been feeling for some time now. I changed my phone number. With much thanks to LS However, NC is/can be a real struggle because when you find yourself in the 'bargaining' phase, you don't want the ex to conclude that you must no longer care. At the same time, you don't want to be labeled the weak door mat either. It's tough. In all of my rambling.... My question is this. Without getting too deep into it. My ex hurt me pretty badly (back in July) Now, this past weekend he has initiated what appears to be attempts to 'clear the air'. He acknowledged me via the site we met thru and proceeded to instant message me. I did not respond to any of his attempts. This took place both Saturday and Sunday. I find myself now biting my nails! Could this be that I've actually been givin the opportunity to 'dish out what he gave to me'??!!! lol What should one do in this situation?
bendit Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 you're a curious one...can't stay away from the flame. ;-) You make gestures at NC, but then leave avenues open for contact, and wala, contact is what you get. You've obviously had a tough time breaking free of this relationship. This has been a multi year thing for you hasn't it? Do you have any insights as to why you stay stuck when it comes to him and unable to move on? My own sense by your current reaction is that the drama is giving you a jolt. Maybe that's the key for you is letting go of the drama? regards
heartnsoul Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 Hey Bendit. Nah, this isn't the 'multi' year ex lol This is my most recent ex that I met around this time last year Assuming you remember my thread regarding multi year ex. That's a done deal. phew. I have to agree. I did leave that proverbial 'window' open. The phone was my little baby step haha It's a sick desire to know that he's TRYING to get thru and having the POWER to NOT RESPOND. Ego boost? Probably. However, I realize the fact that I want more means that I'm not to that all elusive 'acceptance' phase. Who knows....maybe I'm just lonely and horny. Riobikini, I hope you don't think this is a thread jack!
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