sick of it Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 Its been 7 months since my heart was ripped out of a 5.5 year LTR. ive recently employed strick no contact and ive improved dramatically. however, i still think about her constantly but its different. i cant stop caring about her. there were horrible things sid to me. lies and deceit and betrayal. leading on and broken promises. insults and praise, contradictions. you name it and she said it. it was completely different than the way i knew her and therefore i entered a denial about her. i put on blinders and defended her actions to the point of blaming myself for things i didnt understand. of course during this emotional hell, people around me are being rational and saying forget her, shes nuts, shes wrong, but i defended her, turned a blind eye to it and never bad mouthed her, even to this day. she found someone new after telling me he was just a friend and getting close to him while we were on this break and of course it killed me. i took everything really hard. apparently she lived a lie to me for 6 months saying that she had been feeling this way since last x-mas (she broke up with me in may). i was one of the unlucky who didnt find this website until maybe a month ago so i didnt know about NC or anything. i begged and pleaded. i cried to her because i thought she wanted to see me care and be sensitive. it pushed her away and got her angry with me. the more i wore my heart on my sleeve, the more she bashed me. she had/has no empathy and would say things like "i cant believe you would waste your time on me for this long" and in general just kicking me while im down. i dont know why shes so mad at me (she dumped me) but she is. i guess the point of this thread is to say that despite the horrible things said to me. the horrible way i was treated, i still miss her. i still dont want her to be mad at me. and id like to reconcile somehow. i dont know if im in the position to say or do anything though. and i dont know if these are just residual feelings of love. im always going to love her and i dont harbor hard feelings anymore. im over the breakup but im not over her. i dont know if i ever will be. i havent dated or anything since the break up and ive done a lot of soul searching and figured out what happened on my part of the relationship. ive made changes for me (and her). she jumped into another relationship so i doubt she learned anything. i also doubt that she thinks she did anything wrong. i really dont know the point of this. i think the bottom line is that i miss her and everything we had. weve been together a quarter of our lives (im 23) and i dont want to drop her the way she seemingly dropped me. if anyone should be angry its me, and im not. i think i just want to keep the door open for a future relationship. how can i show her that and should i?
Devildog Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 i think i just want to keep the door open for a future relationship. how can i show her that and should i? No, you shouldn't do that, and there is no logic behind showing her you are keeping the door open for a future relationship with her. At best, she will see you as the "if all else fails" option. IOW, if she absolutely can not find someone else, she knows she can call you and you will come running. And she would end up going through hundreds of guys before she got tired enough that she would decide to give you another shot. Why wait around for that? Live your life. Significant time has passed now. It is time to start getting back into things. I'm not saying you are ready to go out and start dating again. But you should get out and do stuff again. You might meet someone that will make you forget all about this.
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