riobikini Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 It's like drooling over the really hot car in the showroom...the one you know you're gonna have to work alotta overtime to get...we all have the 'lust' gene in us somewhere.....wanting that one cool thing (or person) that we know is (for now, anyways) -unattainable. It's why you want her/him back after they've (seemingly or really have) moved on. And they almost always look better, (dont they?) -after you've had some time apart. It's the 'wanting-what-you-can't-have' that drives you crazy ....because it tantalizes you and excites you. It's a form of jealousy that stirs your unsuspecting emotions into a frenzy because you truly believe that by getting her/him back you have won something, proven something. Maybe there's some narcissism mixed in...along with just sheer blindness...maybe there was truly a feeling of love for this person and some of that love is still there ...live tissue still sensitive and unwilling to completely die. Maybe you just want to see if your 'powers' of attraction still exist and whether or not you can still 'get' to your ex they way you used to. That kind of conquest is fought with emotions that become a weapons that, like a sword, you will most likely fall upon and end up hurting yourself. If you're successful in getting her/him back you run the risk of just rediscovering why you parted in the first place...only, the end to it all may not be as graceful this time. So be sure of your reasons for being open to second chances. Make sure it's about more than how much you miss him/her ...the intimacy, the sex, the familiariarity of the routine you carried out, proving that you still possess these powers of attraction and seduction with your ex......often these are just indications you have not moved on enough in your own life to have filled the void with healthy new perspective and activity...or really attempted to improve yourself ....not to mention keeping normal contact with other people. Maybe even NEW and interesting people.....different TYPES of people you wouldn't have thought about getting to know before. (Just don't choose the wrong crowd). Feeling a little jealous, tho, IS NORMAL. Wanting her/him back just because there's this big empty hole in your life IS NORMAL. Wanting him/her to feel sorry they let you go is NORMAL. Second-guessing your decision to split (for whatever reason) and wishing for a second chance to be sure is NORMAL. Even if you think you've moved on and one day your ex appears out of no where and you feel this sudden rush of excitement, please know that is normal, too. But if you've used your time well during the breakup (whether it was permanent, semi-permanent, or you still just don't know)- and really took the time to know yourself better, you'll be more likely to interpret those feelings during the unexpected encounter with a higher degree of accuracy. And taking for granted that you've done all the homework here, and your head is finally straight with your heart, if you still decide that the rush of emotions when you first see him/her 6 mos. after the spilt is worth it... ..then GO FOR IT!!!!!
starblitz Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 Thank You for that... Even though I've been through this before... I've never had a relationship that is as long or as deep as the one that I've just been dumped from, and I needed the reassurance that it is normal to go through what I'm going through and I will get through this, even if it doesn't seem like I will now... Thank you.
Author riobikini Posted December 22, 2005 Author Posted December 22, 2005 Your're welcome. And keep posting...there's nothing like the sounding board of people who have been there. We (I) care. -Rio
ashley83 Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 Yes, thank you so much! That is just what I needed tonight. I'm so depressed about my breakup. It's been a week today, and I've been NC for 4 days. I want him back so bad. It's like, logically I know things will get better. I will feel better, and I will meet someone new. But my heart isn't hearin that right now.
hbeezee Posted December 22, 2005 Posted December 22, 2005 Wanting her/him back just because there's this big empty hole in your life IS NORMAL. Wanting him/her to feel sorry they let you go is NORMAL. Even if you think you've moved on and one day your ex appears out of no where and you feel this sudden rush of excitement, please know that is normal, too. But if you've used your time well during the breakup (whether it was permanent, semi-permanent, or you still just don't know)- and really took the time to know yourself better, you'll be more likely to interpret those feelings during the unexpected encounter with a higher degree of accuracy. My current long distance GF is going through this right now. It's the holidays and she was with him this time last year (broke up in January)... he was abusive and the relationship ended suddenly when he hit her. I am 1500 miles away and cant be with her right now (not till Feb/March time)... so she is lonley for Christmas... She wants him to feel bad for what he did to her... and then the guy popped up on the radar again. He sent flowers to her work to wish her a happy holidays a few days ago (after total NC for 9 months) She got excited and emailed him and called him, and all of a sudden was unsure about our relationship. (If I was there, the guy would not exist on this earth anymore... trust me!) What you said here is what I told her, and what her family told her. They also intervened and kept her away from him. So now things seem to be working out, but she is still upset about her sudden rush of feelings for him (they were together for 2+ years) I hope she continues to figure things out, and stay in love with me... i hope
Author riobikini Posted December 22, 2005 Author Posted December 22, 2005 hbeezee: Stay in the picture....she needs to see how it feels NOT to be hit and to REALLY LOVED...only time will tell if she can appreciate you (-or the difference). Take care. -Rio
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