Tricia Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Here's hoping we are all past the Ballbat thread:) Anyway,I did do someting today that I felt good about,got thru it an never shed a tear.I'm 2 full days now of NO TEARS WoooooHoooooo' I packed the rest of his things,which was some heavy stuff an took it to his Dad's.I was gonna be "nice"an put his things in the spare room where the rest of it is at,but I thought "Why wear myself out?" So I unloaded it all out of my car an set it on the porch-He came home to a lil mess anyway.I thought that was good. Ok,the Bad part.I did e-mail him.Basically telling him I know he is a Liar,I have wasted far to much time,money an tears over him.Wasn't he glad I FINALLY Got it?An told him the ppl he is hanging out with,drinking an all that are just gonna cause him more problems,everything he has worked for in the last 3 yrs with his DUI-They don't care an do not know him.He knows he CAN'T drink.He will get the message by not only my attitude,but what I said to him that we are no more,an he is just a fowl person that I wish I would have left a longtime ago. That was bad me even e-mailing him HUH? Lord ya'll help me get thru this I am nowhere near the state of mind I WAS in,but it still hurts like hell Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Tricia, recovery from a divorce is a LONG road, and unfortuantely, you're just at the beginning. But you're having a good start (with a few slipups we've ALL done). You've emailed him, you've packed up his stuff, he knows where you stand and what you want, now it's time to implement no contact. One thing that I needed to remind myself is I dont need to keep retelling him the same thing over and over again. He's heard me once, that's all that matters. Now it's his choice to do what he pleases. There's nothing more for you to say to him. Start focusing on yourself and dont be surprised if you relapse into tears in a few days/weeks/months. It's a long ride of a rollercoaster of emotions. In the beginning, the ups and downs are so quickly together your head spins, but as time passes, you'll see the time between the ups and downs gets longer and longer. And you'll be riding more up's than downs. Dont panic when the downs come tho. Dont call your ex during one of those times. You can make it through the down and come out a much stronger person. Just have faith and hold on. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 he is just a fowl person that I wish I would have left a longtime ago. He's a chicken? Rhode Island Red? That was bad me even e-mailing him HUH? Yup. Lord ya'll help me get thru this I am nowhere near the state of mind I WAS in,but it still hurts like hell Dgiirl is right on when she says that this is a long process. There isn't any magical moment when you wake up some day and *poof* all the pain and anguish is gone. It takes time, energy and fortitude. And it's supposed to hurt. If you weren't in pain that would signify that either you didn't givas*** to begin with, or your emotions are so deeply buried that a small thermonuclear blast would't set them off. What you're going through is normal. Just keep away from baseball bats and other implements of destruction, ok? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tricia Posted December 16, 2005 Author Share Posted December 16, 2005 Dgirl is ALWAYS so wise,I look forward to what she has to say.I believe she has really lived it an understands. Slub,I also believe U understand an U also are full of wisdom an HUMOR! No more Ballbats or any or objects of destruction for me;) He never did reply to my e-mail,I didn't expect him to,esp.I also sent him Florida guidelines to Spousal Support-don't look good for him right now.He did call to see what bills needed to be paid an how much money I needed.He made the comment in his pitiful voice"U aren't concerned for me"Awwwwwwwww Poor fellow!!! I told him No,I'm not but as far as is drinking went,I do have concerns.I don't want his son around it,he better not be,an I also don't want his son to know his father has been thrown in jail AGAIN.That was it.It was kinda funny,I ended the conversation basically laughing at him(he wasn't laughing,we BOTH said "WELL" an hung up.We really are so much alike it was comical. Thanx again, Tricia PS,I have a job interview 2day,wish me luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Dgirl is ALWAYS so wise,I look forward to what she has to say.I believe she has really lived it an understands.Yep, she's pretty bright; they don't come much smarter than Dgiirl. Slub,I also believe U understand an U also are full of wisdom an HUMOR!Thanks. I live to serve. I have a job interview 2day,wish me luck!!! Excellent! What's the job? Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tricia Posted December 16, 2005 Author Share Posted December 16, 2005 It's just a lil job to get me out of the house a few days a week,an give me some independence of my own.I won't need to go to him so much for money.I really want to eliminate that CONTROL. Anyway,it's just a cashier job at a local resturant.I have decided not to use my Barbering/Cosmo license yet.The more money I make,the less he has to pay me,I really do want to get him where it hurts.Not only that,I have lupus an it has affected my right hand,the clippers vibrate an makes my hand ache to the point at times, I am in tears.When I go back to cutting hair an I will,I make excellent money.I have ppl sitting around a wall or 2, in chairs that won't let another barber touch them.I have been out of it for about 3-4 yrs,but have been barbering a lil over 20yrs.I'm just gonna put it off for alil while:) I Love it an I will go back to it when I'm ready. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Aww thanks for the kind words you two And yes, I've lived it and been there. In fact, I just got drunk for the first time in my life last weekend, and drunk dialed my exh OOPS... thankfully, I told him off instead of begging him back lol So yah, we all slip from time to time, it's just keeping your distance so that THEY dont see us going through all this pain and slip ups. What they dont see, they dont know And Tricia, my exh plays the same cards of guilt. "You dont trust me", "If I really wanted to, I could break into the house, see i'm a nice guy", "I'm losing money" blah blah blah. In one ear, out the other. They want to ease their own guilt so they shift it onto us. You just have to realize it when it's happening and not let it bug you. My responses are "You're right", "Dont threaten me", "That's not my problem, stop trying to guilt trip me". After a few of these, he's finally realized I wont let him bully me. And GOOOOOD LUCK!!! on the job interview The more independent you become, the less control he has over you and the less you have to put up with his bs! Good for you girl! Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Hello Tricia! Hope Christmas was enjoyable for you, or at least tolerable. The first one can be very difficult. Hope you're still getting better! Link to post Share on other sites
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