My girl ended our relationship with a letter

[Ian7]

*Long sorry*

Hi all, basically i had the most wonderful 9 month relationship with someone which unfortunately ended recently. During this time she told me countless times how much she loved me with all her heart. Even up to 2 weeks before the split i have texts saying how much she loves me etc. We got on wonderfully/never argued seriously at all and had so much respect for each other, and had so much in common, sex was great etc.

 

I think the problem is that she is 7 years younger than i (i am 30 - she 23), we are at different stages of our lives and she has gone back to University to do a quite demanding degree course which is taking a lot of her time and stressing her quite a bit. (she doesnt handle stress very well at all) She had started this when we met, but when term ended we spent the summer living together at my house which was absolutely marvellous, until she had to move back out to go back to University. Shortly after she called it off.

 

The crux of her letter basically said:

- She has cried rivers to try to understand her feelings over the past couple of weeks

- She loves everything about me but has realised she is not in love with me. Now she knows this she doesnt think she can carry on.

- She thought about carrying on but doesnt think this is fair to me to give less than 100%

- It has nothing to do with anything i have done. She says she has to close her heart.

- She says if the degree was over tomorrow she would be with me no doubt

- She says she has to be on her own and if she was in a relationship it would be with me.

- She doesnt want me to take any of it personally

 

 

Now this was a few weeks ago and i have spoke to her once about it and we met a couple of weeks later. We ended up spending the night together which was one of the best of our time together. But she still cant do it. She assures me there is noone else and she doesnt ever want to be with anyone else.

 

Since then it has been NC, other than the odd text. Basically i still love her tremendously and i know she still cares a lot for me, but i would never want to come between her and her career/studies. I just want whats best for her, and so in someways i am happy. I think about her all the time but want to try to move on in the best way possible. Equally i want her to know i still care.

Is full NC still the best way? I think i know it is, cos i need to move on as its unlikely she'll change her mind.

I just think with Christmas coming up, she'll no doubt send a card and maybe get in touch.

Advice appreciated. Thanks

[Yamaha]

Is full NC still the best way?

 

Yes.

 

She has probably been thinking about doing this for some time. Women do not just do things on the fly, you just weren't aware that she had checked out of your relationship until she told you.

 

I would move on and stay with NC. If she wanted to be with you it school wouldn't matter. She is telling you she doesn't want a relationship with you. She may or may not have someone else but the bottom line is she doesn't want to be with you. You deserve someone who loves you 100% ( as she said ) so move on and find that person.

[Ian7]

Thanks for the reply Yahama. I guess you're right and thats basically what i have been telling myself this past few weeks.

Its ironic i suppose as i she was the one who was always telling me how much she loved me - all the time. She'd send cards etc all the time -all these little touches, right up to about 2 weeks before she called it.

 

I suppose deep down i have been hoping she would realise but i know its not gonna happen. But i still can't hate her for it.

 

But i just can't understand how one can fall out of love so quickly??

Your point about her checking out a while ago is a good one though - but believe me there were no warning signs, and by her own admission she had been having these feelings for about 2 weeks since going back to University. Not too long a time i would say.

[Yamaha]

I know it's hard to understand how someone's feeling could change so fast when you had no signs. As I said, she just keep it from you. She probably has some feelings for you but not enough to stay in the relationship. At least you found about it now rather than have gotten really serious ( engaged ) and then she told you or even worse you got married and then found out she really doesn't love you like you love her.

 

I really don't think the age thing had any thing to do with it. She just decided that she didn't love you enough to stay. Sucks but not the end of the world.