Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Posted December 15, 2005 Two months, huh? WHew! She is a tough nut to crack. Is the system set up for her to really succeed? (No judgment. I have a tendency to have unrealistic expectations sometimes, and this was a problem.) If she perceives that she just can't win, that no one sees her acting well, she'll simply give up and quit trying, in which case the chart only reinforces hopelessness, which you don't want. Can she earn a smiley for doing something as simple as "sitting quietly during {whatever}" "talking respectfully to Mom" "brushing teeth" , etc.? In other words, we have to build her potential success into the chart so she makes the connection between good behavior and good things coming to her as a result--not "there's no way I can ever earn enough smileys so why bother I'm just a bad person what's wrong with them that they can't love me anyway" Catch 'em when they're being good and reward then--that really helps! No only started the chart 2wks ago she lost the movie ,when me and a friend was going to take her kids and my daughter to the movies they was out of school and we thought it would be nice!!While we was getting ready she took forever to take a bath and wash her hair and was giving a really hard time and back talking so i took the movie away !! She didn't really start getting really bad till i went out and left her with my mom and paid hell since!! I always reward her with something or buy her a video or go see a movie but she hasn't been good to earn it back!! So far this morning she has a smiley lets see how it is for bath time that is usually when she earns the sad face not wanting to go to bed!! No real requirements just do what is asked in the morning and not me have to force you to get ready ,brush teeth and no back talking as well at night too!! Just last week she wanted to go to a bday party at skating rink and i had told her if she done what asked and not gave me any mouth she could but she didn't so i wouldn't let her go!! I hated to do it but i thought if she went what was i teaching her !! She was mad and let me know it and i told her i was sorry that she had to learn !!
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Posted December 15, 2005 How long has she been displaying this behavior? Yes consistancy is the key. Its good you take things away when shes not behaving etc. However, after all the taking away of friends, games, movies previlages etc, and time rolls on, and she is still displaying this behavior, what will you do then? I think theres some deep rooted issues going on here that need to be delt with by a professional. Still be consistant though, I'm not saying give up on that, but along with your consitancy, there needs to be someone that can help you get to the root of the real issue here. You/we all can play the guessing game of'What is wrong with my child?" but the thing is, it can be a number of things. Its probably not just one thing but several all rolled up in one. Thanks Wicker, and i have come to that conclusion that my daughter needs to go see a counselor so that i can get to the bottom of her hidden issues are we will have something on our hands !! I think it is what she has seen in the past with my h's behavior towards me !! She has learn what she seen and seeing him with a bad temper she is thinking it ok to pitch fits and think that is getting her way!! i have always told her daddy's behavior is unexceptable and i don't want you acting this way!!
Becoming Posted December 15, 2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Oh, two weeks with chart. That's about the time my daughter finally figured I was serious with this thing. Keep on keepin' on! The counsellor we saw at a Catholic counselling center was great. He saw the whole family at first before seeing my daughter a couple times alone. That way she didn't feel like she was the one with the problem. She saw that all of us had the problem and that we were all there to get help and help one another. One of the best things we ever did.
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