lilmoma1973 Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 My h and i was talking about my daughters behavior and he suggested we withhold her stuff from santa for a day or so !! Her behavior has been really bad and isn't getting any better no matter what we do to her!! What do you think will happen if she wakes up and see nothing under the tree for her ?Will it help or will it even matter ? Do you think this will be cruel if we do this? Opinions please not sure if i want to !!!
Art_Critic Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 [What do you think will happen if she wakes up and see nothing under the tree for her ? you will scar her for life ... Instead of doing things that would require therapy when she is 30 why don't you guys take her to a child therapist now and straighten out what is wrong. you seem to be blaming your Daughter for her behavior..You are the parents.
hotgurl Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 omg I have a story about that. My gradnparents have 7 kids the boys were trouble. One year one of thier sons had a lot of problems not behaving so on x-mas morning all the kids had a spot where santa left thier presents. They came down and all had presents except him and instead he had a lump of coal. He burst out in tears and his parents then directed him to his presents that were hidden and explain that santa was teaching him a lessons and next year he might not be so lucky, it he doesn't shape up. I don't know if it worked or not but I do know 40 years later he still tells the story and so do the siblings.
933KJL Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 Don't cancel Christmas! Go on as planned and if she is still acting up, begin by taking away what she just got until the behavior changes. Cancelling Christmas is pretty extreme. You also need to be careful that the punishment fits the crime. I battle with my ex a lot over this and a skipped bath in her house will warrent no television for a month. But that becomes rapidly unenforceable, and she ends up looking like the weakling. Another tip someone once told me was to pick your battles and ask yourself "will this still have an affect in 6 months?" so if Susie is running with the steak knife and can kill or maim herself---fight that one. If she is running with mud on her shoes--maybe that might be one to pass on. Correct for sure, but don't go over the deep end!
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 you will scar her for life ... Instead of doing things that would require therapy when she is 30 why don't you guys take her to a child therapist now and straighten out what is wrong. you seem to be blaming your Daughter for her behavior..You are the parents. Thanks AC it wasn't my idea it was my h's and i really didn't agree with it at all !! I just wanted to see what people would have to say to it .. Maybe someone had done it before and seen the outcome of it!! I told my h that would be mean and cruel and all he said was might teach her a lesson.. I think my daughter acts like her dad and i don't blame her she has seen his temper in the past although he hasn't done it in a long long while i think she remembers how he coped with his anger and frustrations !!
Art_Critic Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 Some of my fondest memories are of my childhood Christmas mornings. If I had to look back on those days with my parents using the gifts of Christmas as a punishment I would feel differently about this time of year.
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 Don't cancel Christmas! Go on as planned and if she is still acting up, begin by taking away what she just got until the behavior changes. Cancelling Christmas is pretty extreme. You also need to be careful that the punishment fits the crime. I battle with my ex a lot over this and a skipped bath in her house will warrent no television for a month. But that becomes rapidly unenforceable, and she ends up looking like the weakling. Another tip someone once told me was to pick your battles and ask yourself "will this still have an affect in 6 months?" so if Susie is running with the steak knife and can kill or maim herself---fight that one. If she is running with mud on her shoes--maybe that might be one to pass on. Correct for sure, but don't go over the deep end! I don't punish her for petty things at all its for tell me no and shutup or im not doing it !! Back talking i will not tolerate and shouting!!! She already has her playstation taken along with computer and friends !! I see what you are saying JKL and maybe i will try that one she is getting some pretty neat things she has wanted for awhile and they are playstation games and she has had her playstation taken away she can't play them if she don't have it so guess i will keep this from her over the holidays !! Thanks for the advice and i won't cancel Christmas !!!
Art_Critic Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 I told my h that would be mean and cruel and all he said was might teach her a lesson.. it would be cruel and mean spirited..You are right I think that it would cause more problems instead of fixing 'em.
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 omg I have a story about that. My gradnparents have 7 kids the boys were trouble. One year one of thier sons had a lot of problems not behaving so on x-mas morning all the kids had a spot where santa left thier presents. They came down and all had presents except him and instead he had a lump of coal. He burst out in tears and his parents then directed him to his presents that were hidden and explain that santa was teaching him a lessons and next year he might not be so lucky, it he doesn't shape up. I don't know if it worked or not but I do know 40 years later he still tells the story and so do the siblings. Thanks for your reply Hotgurl !! How do you deal with your six yr old? PM and we can chat about it instead of this post !! Need help and know you have a child the same age
933KJL Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 YAY now we won't have to change Lil Mommas avatar to the grinch!
hotgurl Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 what is she doing? Is this new behavior? or something that has been building? 6 seems young to back talk. Does she see anyone in your life disrespecting you and getting away with it? Sometimes I think if a child see a spouse treating each other disrespectfully than they think it is ok and follow suit. Is there anything going on at school?
JadeStar Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 I have to agree that it might be kind of cruel. I see your point moma or your husband point, in a way. I see that if her behavior isn't good then she might need to get things taken away, but I don't know, at Christmas...well...I can just picture a childs face on Christmas morning and not having nothing under the tree. It probably wouldn't be pretty. Jade
alphamale Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 I can just picture a childs face on Christmas morning and not having nothing under the tree. It probably wouldn't be pretty. true JADE...but doesn't santa bring presents to boy and girls who've been good? if she's been bad and she gets presents then you'll only reinforce her bad behaviour. the parent should give her one present and tell her that the rest of the presents are in lay-away until she starts acting good.
Becoming Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 Does she know there's no Santa--that it's you? When my children were young they were bonkers this time of year. One year when one of my daughters was about 5?, I just "called Santa" to report the behavior. Actually, I was talking to the time and weather recording, but I had fun with this game, would report what Santa said to tell her, and she LISTENED! One day this bright kid said I really wasn't talking with Santa because no one knows Santa's phone number. "Oh, yes," I responded. "Every mother has Santa's phone number. She gets it in all that pile of papers they give her in the hospital when she has a new baby, but she has to sign a paper saying she'll only use it in emergencies. Your behavior has been so bad, I've had to call a lot this year, and Santa's kinda worried about what's going on with you . . . " We had a lovely discussion afterward, and she became a delightful child. She's now 16 and believe it or not, just a great kid even at 16. No trauma. We laugh about it now. No presents would probably be too traumatic. But we do do the coal in stocking just for fun.
JadeStar Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 true JADE...but doesn't santa bring presents to boy and girls who've been good? if she's been bad and she gets presents then you'll only reinforce her bad behaviour. the parent should give her one present and tell her that the rest of the presents are in lay-away until she starts acting good. True alpha thats why I said it didn't seem like a good idea too me.
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 YAY now we won't have to change Lil Mommas avatar to the grinch! roflmao!! Sometimes i feel like the Grinch and am really not to into Christmas this year!!!
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 true JADE...but doesn't santa bring presents to boy and girls who've been good? if she's been bad and she gets presents then you'll only reinforce her bad behaviour. the parent should give her one present and tell her that the rest of the presents are in lay-away until she starts acting good. You know what Alpha can't believe im agreeing with you but what you are saying does make sense!
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 what is she doing? Is this new behavior? or something that has been building? 6 seems young to back talk. Does she see anyone in your life disrespecting you and getting away with it? Sometimes I think if a child see a spouse treating each other disrespectfully than they think it is ok and follow suit. Is there anything going on at school? Yeah my ss has never had any respect really because dad never enforced and h is trying to enforce things with both which i always have and m daughter isn't adjusting well she think erybody hates her and dont love her !! She has made these comments alot lately i always show and give her love !! Yeah h use to treat me pretty bad and had a very bad temper but it been a while!!
Craig Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 I agree with the posters that believe it's not a good idea to mess with Xmas. On the topic of your child's behavior...are there 2 parenting styles at odd with each other present? Just a guess here that maybe she feels like she can't "win" and so she doesn't try to behave the way you want. This is just a thought, not based on anything you've said so far so don't take it the wrong way if I've missed something.
Moose Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 lilmomma, Instead of not giving her her presents, put a note on each one with a reason why she got it. For example: "Remember when you picked up your clothes when Mommy told you to? This is for doing that" "This is for eating all of your supper" "This is for going nite nite when you were told" Make sure she reads, or you read each praise before she gets to open the present.
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 I have to agree that it might be kind of cruel. I see your point moma or your husband point, in a way. I see that if her behavior isn't good then she might need to get things taken away, but I don't know, at Christmas...well...I can just picture a childs face on Christmas morning and not having nothing under the tree. It probably wouldn't be pretty. Jade Yeah Jade that would be bad but what Alpha said does make good sense what are you teaching her when she has been bad and still get stuff!!! Don't think i would particually do it but he madea good point and i hardly agree with Alpha no offense but you can be mean at times!
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 lilmomma, Instead of not giving her her presents, put a note on each one with a reason why she got it. For example: "Remember when you picked up your clothes when Mommy told you to? This is for doing that" "This is for eating all of your supper" "This is for going nite nite when you were told" Make sure she reads, or you read each praise before she gets to open the present. Moose that is another good idea also !! Thanks Moose you always say the right things! Great advice you the man!!
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 I agree with the posters that believe it's not a good idea to mess with Xmas. On the topic of your child's behavior...are there 2 parenting styles at odd with each other present? Just a guess here that maybe she feels like she can't "win" and so she doesn't try to behave the way you want. This is just a thought, not based on anything you've said so far so don't take it the wrong way if I've missed something. Thanks Craig, You aren't being wrong you are right we wasn't on the same page till now and it has been a constant battle and sometimes i just want to throw my hands up and say to my h you deal with im through!! It is a big headache!!
JadeStar Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 Since this was your husbands idea anyway, let him read these replies or tell him what they are then see how he still feels on the matter. Of course it should be a mutual thing you both agree to either do or not do. You siad that you had taken away her friends, the computer and her play station for bad behavior, how long has that been that she hasn't had those things? If her behavior has not changed since you took those things way, then chances are it might not change if you with hold the presents too, but then again it might, not sure. Jade
alphamale Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 You know what Alpha can't believe im agreeing with you but what you are saying does make sense! i have my moments...
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