melon Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 Just wondering what other folks think of this situation, I finally got dumped for the first time... All through college my buddies would have girlfriends and I would remain the preverbial single dude. I dated a good pace, just never met anybody I was interested in getting into a relationship with. No matter how much I wanted it at the time, I couldn't start something with somebody I wasn't really interested in. My friends encouraged me to give it more time with girls, but I couldn't. Maybe I was afraid of being vulnerable again (I was cheated on pretty badly earlier)? My mentality at the time was "when I find it I will know." By the end of senior year, I had stoped even looking for a girlfriend but continued to date for fun. I was happy being single, and had an ambitious spirit to travel and work all over the country and hopes to travel extnesively abroad. About 3 weeks before graduation I met her. Like I said I wasn't looking for anything serious, but almost instantly I felt comfortable with her. Regardless, we were both cautious and took things slowly. But the longer it went, the better it felt. That mysterious feeling I longed for was overwhelming me. I couldn't wait to talk to her agian, and when I did I didn't want to hang up. I couldn't wait to see her again, and when did I didn't want to go. It was hard but I kept my emotions under control. We are both from the same area and after college moved home. I was waiting for my job to start and she was looking for a job. Two months after starting to date my job started. It was only a summer commitment, but it meant living away from her. We would see each other a few times a month, and write regularilly. I didn't get phone coverage where I was working so we weren't able to talk too often. Regardless, things seemed to be going great. The distance didn't make me question things, nor did it her. I got back in mid-August. I was super burned out and really enjoyed hanging out with her. She still didn't have a "real" job, and I was taking time before starting grad school. We were again in the same city. It felt great to be back in the same area code, and we hung out regularilly. Not too much, but what seemed to be the right amount. When we started to date, neither of us wanted a serious relationship. She was even more gunshy about things than me (from her past expereinces). We took things slow, but obviously had strong feelings for one another. About two weeks after getting home my buddies and I went on a camping trip. I didn't talk to her the whole time. I got wierd vibes the night before I left, but didn't think too much of it. Within a week of returning it was over. I kinda had to dump myself. The weird vibes kept coming. I knew she was having some troubles personally, not finding a job was clearly wearing on her. What I didn't realize was how bad things were. She wasn't one to share emotions too openly (I'm not super open either). Anyway, I called her after another awkward conversation and said "Are you sure this is what you want right now?" At which point she started crying and said she couldn't handle a boyfriend with everything else going on. She told me she has never been so unhappy in her life before, and that she had planned on telling me this the next time we met up. Since then we have only talked a handful of times, and not at all in the last two months. Through words and actions I pushed her so far away that I doubt we will ever talk again. I've accepted that. But still think about her daily. The raw emotion of it has long since passed, now I think more clearly about things and come to the same conclusion over and over. What we had was amazing. We seemed to click, and people often commented on it. We never had a bad fight, and things felt good up until the very end for me. I treated her great, and she was awesome to me aswell. It was the relationship I saw in other people before I met her and was envious of. Don't get me wrong. I don't hold her on a pedistal, she had her flaws; but I accepted them. What can I do? She totally feels like the "one that got away." I can't win her back and I am smart enough to know that second chances rarely work. I guess the problem is that the feeling I was looking for was much better than I thought, and I'm scared I won't feel it again. Argh! We have been broken up for 3 months, and only dated for 5. Shouldn't these feelings have passed by now?
malachai Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 i've been without my ex for 2 months, and we were together for only 4 months. like you, the raw emotions, the breaking down for full days at a time is gone. but what i'm left with is the dull, throbbing pain. it's not as immediate, more like a constant gloom that shrouds my life. and honestly, i don't see that going away any time soon. i'm not exactly wallowing in my despair right now. i am actively trying to socialize with others, exercising, trying to treat myself good, and so on. but so far, i still feel the constant pain. i don't know the answer to your question, but i don't think you can really put a time line on moving on and feeling better. it's circumstantial. the time it takes is unique to you, what you felt in the relationship, how much you invested all play a part in the healing process. just take it day by day, and if what people say about time healing the wounds is true, then you can look forward to one day being in the light again.
itwontdawnsooner Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 the reason time heals all wounds is because, think about it: say you are shown an image of something that scares you to death... now does that image hold the same power the 100th time youve seen it? or the 10000th time youve remembered it without seeing it? it just happens, and for me, i was in a 1 1/2 month relationship and it took me about 5 or 6 to really be done with it, and it was intense for a VERY long time. everyone stopped asking about it, people got frustrated that i was still moping over it. but i wasnt done. i wasnt done greiving. you have to take your own time with it. believe me, the pain does go away. the breaking down turns to that dull feeling which turns to an occasional dull feeling. it just feels like forever. i feel for you.
Author melon Posted December 15, 2005 Author Posted December 15, 2005 Thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply. I appreciate it greatly. I understand that time heals all wounds. I've seen what time has done for me. The problem is that this feels like a very unnecessary wound. There were no poblems between us (which she told me as we were breaking up- that didn't make things easier). She was also never able to articulate why she was better off without a boyfriend. I was great to her, and really believe I could have been an important person in her life as she figures things out. Her friends agreed- saying she was taking risks with me she has never taken with anybody before. They adored me because she did. Like I said, she really feels like the one that got away. We were compatable on so many levels. My head says this is over and I need to stop thinking about this because it is done, but my heart says not to give up. You only meet somebody like her once in a life time. The NC thing was great for a while, but to still have these feelings- I'm starting to think I need to do something. I'm not sure what, but open to suggestions.
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