Disappointment

[hillman]

Just told a girl that I have known for a few weeks, and that I get on with really well, how I really feel about her (i.e. that I feel more than just friendship for her). I really thought that she felt the same way, but she replied that she thought we should continue being friends, because she is "not a good person to have as a girlfriend". I know she's had a tough life recently, that she has suffered abuse at home, and found it difficult talking to previous boyfriends, hence has had a few failed relationships. As she had already told me all about the abus situation I thought that we might stand more of a chance.

 

I do get the impression that she's also interested in me, as she did say "perhaps if we weren't such good friends things would be different", anyone got any suggestions of what to do now? Should i just give up and go back to being friends, or do I stand a chance if i try again?

 

The other problem is that, as friends, its going to be hard for me to see her with another guy if she finds someone else - any suggestions on overcoming this.

 

Sorry for the long post

[noclobber]

if u see my posts in LS u can see me repeating time and again that -> "if u r friends with a woman u can never ever become her boyfriend". i learnt this from my own experience and also from what i observed with other people. i seriously don't understand this psychology but thats how things are.

 

with that said i have to be blunt and tell to you that u do not have a second chance. that was harsh, was it not? but its better that u know this instead of continuing to develop ur feelings more and more and then get hurt again. plz do not become friends with a woman that u r interested in!!

 

u have conveyed ur feelings and she has said no. now this is her final answer. she will not change her mind. u got to respect urself and ur time and have to move on. u have to start looking for somebody else that is willing to return ur feelings. if u can handle being friends with this girl fine but do not expect her to change her mind and fall for you. if u cannot then u can say its very difficult for you to continue with her as friends and walk away. she will say that u betrayed her and other BS but u got to focus on urself and protect ur heart. go on with ur life while this girl continues to date strangers and gets abused more and more... u really don't have to be her crutch, u deserve something more than that!

 

good luck

[Moai]

I have had friends that are girls turn into girlfriends, but I am a rare exception.

 

Save yourself some heartache and bail on the whole idea right now while it won't hurt so bad.

[noclobber]

I have had friends that are girls turn into girlfriends, but I am a rare exception.

 

Save yourself some heartache and bail on the whole idea right now while it won't hurt so bad.

 

that's right, u r a rare exception..

 

but i am just curious Moai... how did u manage to go from friend to boyfriend? i think its a feat in itself

[hillman]

Sigh,

 

I guess that you guys are right. Theres no way that I can just abandon her, and end the friendship completely. As i said, we get on really well, etc.

 

Oh well - time to find someone else i s'pose. Grr

[noclobber]

Sigh,

 

I guess that you guys are right. Theres no way that I can just abandon her, and end the friendship completely. As i said, we get on really well, etc.

 

Oh well - time to find someone else i s'pose. Grr

 

u don't have to abandon her completely... just distance urself and don't get too involved with her personal life

[Moai]

that's right, u r a rare exception..

 

but i am just curious Moai... how did u manage to go from friend to boyfriend? i think its a feat in itself

 

Just by being me, I guess. I have this talent (or curse, depending on the situation) of giving women the impression that I understand them, and after a while they "realize" that they are attracted to me and can't live without me and there you go. It's happened three or four times.

[noclobber]

Just by being me, I guess. I have this talent (or curse, depending on the situation) of giving women the impression that I understand them, and after a while they "realize" that they are attracted to me and can't live without me and there you go. It's happened three or four times.

 

wow!

 

dude i really want to know the specific details. can i pm you plz?

 

i don't want to hijack the original thread...

[Moai]

Sure, PM away...

[Moai]

Sigh,

 

I guess that you guys are right. Theres no way that I can just abandon her, and end the friendship completely. As i said, we get on really well, etc.

 

Oh well - time to find someone else i s'pose. Grr

 

Just by distancing yourself and seeing other people might help you out. You'll seem more attractive, and if she has any feelings for you at all it'll increase them.

 

Always be a gentleman to her, and always be upbeat and happy when you see her. And confident. If she doesn't find that attractive, lots of other women will.

[GivenUp0083]

Ok man, you need some help, so I'm gonna help you because you don't know what I didn't know about a year ago.

 

It's not that friends can't become your girlfriend, you just went about it all wrong. You say you think she feels she same way sometimes.....well you went about it all wrong.

 

Mistake: You poured your heart out to her

 

Did some girl give you this advice? cuz if one did, here's your new lesson: never take a word of advice from a woman. You may have blown any chance you had by telling her how you felt. You took all the mystery out of it, assuming there was some before.

 

Here's what you should've done: You should've flirted with her more, maybe got a little more touchy with her. Let's say you two are hanging out at a bar together......since you are just friends, you are free to flirt with anyone you want. So what you do is you sit and talk to her about light and easy subjects, make her laugh, act confident in yourself. Then what you do is you spot a girl across the bar....her being attractive or not is not the issue, but say to your "friend" that you need to be excused, you are gonna go talk to someone for a second. Then you go up to any other girl or girls in the bar and you just start talking to them. Make a joke, smile, say hi, do anything to get the girls to talk back and smile. If you really got some balls, get the girl's phone number, and make sure your "friend" is watching. This will make you more desireable to her in her eyes. Then you come back and sit down with your friend, and if she asks what happened, just say you just wanted to meet someone and you got their number. Don't go into details. If your friend gets upset, well then it's working, because technically there isn't a damn thing she can do. If she's upset on the inside, it means she's thinking about you and she may decide to compete for you if she has any feelings at all.

 

By confessing your love for this broad, you took all the fun out of it. There's no mystery anymore and she thinks you're desperate.

 

When she gave you all this "I'm abused" and "I won't make a good girlfiend" is a load of ****. If she really cared about you, she wouldn't be making excuses not to be with you.

 

In my honest opinion, she sounds like trouble. If she's flirty with you just to shoot you down, then she's got issues, and unfortunately there are plenty of women out there like this. If you still want to go for her, do what I said, flirt and date other women and let your friend know about it somehow, but don't reveal details, gotta keep her guessing and wondering about you. Even after a while if she says she's starting to like you a little bit and whatnot, don't play into it. Keep playin hard to get until she CLOSES THE DEAL. By this meaning that she wants to be your girlfriend, then you can stop dating other girls, but until you know that she is definately serious about being with you, then you keep playin the game to your advantage.

 

By doing this, you can win her by making her jealous, and if you don't win her, you still win because the whole time you were meeting a bunch of other women who might have some REAL interest in you and you go from there.

 

Whatever happens man, don't get depressed over anything that happens. If you really wanna knock her socks off, if she ever bring some guy along that she might be dating, be really nice to him, have fun, be his buddy, and then ask him to hook you up with a girl that he knows. If you show any emotion at all that she is getting to you, then you lose, because she is getting her reaction out of you. Don't let it happen, keep your cool, and have fun!