Yes women dislike porn,but how do you deal with a man who's anti-sex toy?

[Wide_awake]

Alright,I've been here a few times to help my girlfriends out with thier anti-porn issues.I've found relevant threads to every problem imaginable,I feel this community would be the best place to pose this question.Due to the amount of posters and various opnions.

 

Everbody knows how porn can distill a sense of insecurity inhearts of women,but how do you handle a man who is anti-vibrator?

 

Hey,I'm a girl I've got needs like eveyrone else,I've come to accept his love of porn while I'm not around,yet here's where it get's odd.He has an extreme hate of vibrators and various sextoys,he's convinced he'll be replaced by an inanimate object.In my mind porn is the same thing,though I'm not a big fan of it,isn't it just a harmless way to find release?

 

So we've come to somewhat of a bargain recently I threw out my toys and he stopped looking at porn,yet his end went belly up.I can accept that.

 

Yet I'm still hasseled abou my desire to buy a new toy,maybe I'm the irrational one.

 

How can I covince him he isn't going to be replaced if I have a toy and has anyone else encounted this problem?

[Outcast]

Hey,I'm a girl I've got needs like eveyrone else,I've come to accept his love of porn while I'm not around,yet here's where it get's odd.He has an extreme hate of vibrators and various sextoys,he's convinced he'll be replaced by an inanimate object.In my mind porn is the same thing,though I'm not a big fan of it,isn't it just a harmless way to find release?

 

Too bad we can't just brainwash people and insert logic where the other junk used to be.

 

I got nothing. His belief that

he'll be replaced by an inanimate object

is irrational. In my sad, sorry experience, you just can't say anything to someone who's irrational that will make them see reason. Maybe if you haul him to a therapist, an authoritative voice might persuade him.

[makaze]

Woah. I just find it somehow hard to believe that that's his 'real' reason. Or maybe he just is that that insecure to feel threatened by a toy. Do you live together? I guess his 'fear' is at least slightly more rational if you do live together and he is there for you 100% of the time.

[Howdy]

Umm, living together by no means equals 100% availability. Come on, people gotta go to work, go shopping, spend time out with friends, and you cant really control when you get horny.

[yikes12345]

That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. You'd think if anything, he'd be more willing to give up porn now that he knows how it feels to be in your shoes.

[witabix]

Odd situation I must say....

 

How about you play with your toy while he watches porn, in the same room?

 

Or he plays with you with your toy while you watch porn?

 

Or..... the possibilities are endless. I'd love to watch while my SO pleasured herself with her fave toy! Voyeuristic foreplay? I dunno, you have a problem with him watching porn, he has a problem with yout vibrator.

 

Did you give it a name?

 

Buy a new one and call it Little_______, insert his name or nickname, then he may see it as a partner in giving you pleasure. Just don't date your vibrator or let it buy you drinks or flowers.

 

Now that would be wierd.

[yikes12345]

Lol I'm loving your suggestions witabix - altho I don't know how happy he'd be that she was calling anything that has to do with him "little"

[witabix]

Errrrrr.... yes yikes, probably not the best idea I ever had!

 

Surely there's loads of dildo/vibrator porn and she likes toys, a seed of an idea in there somewhere I am sure of it.

[JS17]

I have had this problem too. I had a bf (now ex THANK G-D) that had some problems in the bedroom. ok the sex was awful...but he always got off and I rarely did...not a problem I usually had. He didn't know I had toys but I told him I wanted to use a vibe when we were together. From then on I heard absolutely not, that's for 40 year old married couples and I am going to take this on as a challenge. Ok, great that he's trying bad that I was the most sexually frustrated person on the planet. I couldn't convince him and never told him I had toys. After we broke up I spoke to the next guy I dated about what had happened (he loved the toys) and he thought it was ridiculous, that plus the responses on this thread, I'm going out on a limb and saying that these guys have issues, not the users of the toys.

 

You don't ask him about his self-sex life but you know he has one. Does he think that just because he uses his hands that they would replace you? If you used your hands on yourself would that be ok? What's the difference if you get a little help from a toy instead of using your hands? Tell him you don't want to end up with Carpal Tunnel Honestly, I don't think it's any of his business what you do on your own time.

 

Getting him to agree to use one together, that's a whole other ball of wax that I'm really glad I won't have to answer for myself again.

[EnigmaXOXO]

So we've come to somewhat of a bargain recently I threw out my toys and he stopped looking at porn,yet his end went belly up.I can accept that.

 

It certainly sounds as if you're the only one willing to make compromises and concessions.

 

Yet I'm still hasseled abou my desire to buy a new toy,maybe I'm the irrational one.

 

You seem pretty level-headed to me. However, I think your guy is being a bit selfish and unfair. Then again, that's usually what happens when someone gets a healthy dose of their own medicine.

 

How can I covince him he isn't going to be replaced if I have a toy and has anyone else encounted this problem?

 

Been through a lot, but fortunately porn and sex toys aren't an issue I've had to contend with yet.

 

However, I don't know if I'd be so keen to comply with all his demands without him making any compromises of his own. Nor would I knock myself out trying to convince him that a piece of motorized plastic could ever replace the warmth of real human touch.

 

Instead, I might be tempted to show him just how ridiculous he was behaving by going out and purchasing the BIGGEST and loudest dildo I could find … then setting a place for it at the dinner table.

[JS17]

It certainly sounds as if you're the only one willing to make compromises and concessions.

 

You seem pretty level-headed to me. However, I think your guy is being a bit selfish and unfair. Then again, that's usually what happens when someone gets a healthy dose of their own medicine.

 

After reading this I wanted to note, probably to nobody's surprise, that this was my Narcissist. All that mattered was what he wanted and while I did post above that it was good that he was trying, I'll note here that he never actually did try, he just said he wanted to.

[witabix]

Instead, I might be tempted to show him just how ridiculous he was behaving by going out and purchasing the BIGGEST and loudest dildo I could find … then setting a place for it at the dinner table.

 

:lmao:

Setting a place for it at the table.....f***ing priceless!!

 

But a point here dildos (or is it dildoes?) dont make any noise, thay are manual instruments, its the vibrators that make noise, some more than others.

[Wide_awake]

Lol, great now I want to name a toy and place in on the dinner table.

 

Yet I did talk to him about the voyeuristic possibilities,I offered to let him watch,his reply was not a positive one.He suggested he can't follow after a toy,as though he wouldn't be good enough.

 

I'd also like to note I don't have an extreme dislike of porn it's just not my cup of tea,I prefer reading erotic books.It's hard to be turned on when you're trying to figure out what kind of pain thinner they have to use to get the girls make-up off.Porn just makes me laugh,it might be just me.The baragin was to allow him a taste of his own medicine,who cares what magazine/d.v.d/sextoy is used when you're alone?I

 

So I guess I'm going to give in on this one,if it really makes him feel that inadequate I'd rather not hurt him.Yet by the same token,I have the feeling if porn had that effect on me it wouldn't be going anywhere.

[EnigmaXOXO]

So I guess I'm going to give in on this one,if it really makes him feel that inadequte I'd rather not hurt him.Yet by the same token,I have the feeling if porn had that effect on me it wouldn't be going anywhere.

 

I think it takes a real big person to consider the feelings of someone they love and do what's best for the relationship (as a team) rather then themselves.

 

I just hope that one day your guy will grow up and show the same amount of consideration and common courtesy towards you. Perhaps there's some hope that he'll eventually learn by your example.

 

If he doesn't … I don't suspect he'll have what it takes to keep someone of your quality beholding to him for very long.