uRabbit Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 My girlfriend and I have been together for around four months now. She lives fourteen miles away and we get to see each other usually every weekend. However, last weekend she was busy with xmas shopping and dining with family. This weekend she may be prioritized with more xmas shopping, sky-diving, and whatever else her mom makes her do. I recently accused her of not trying to make time for us, which I don't believe to be true. I do believe she could do more to assure that we have time together, like pre-arranging (with her mom) a day for us to spend together. She usually finds out the day before or the day of whether or not we can see each other... And that pulls at me, 'cause I'm a planner... And I think that if she made plans before-hand, we would have more of a chance to see each other. When I told her this, she said that she doesn't make plans, and that it seemed like I was trying to change her... Grr. I dunno what to say to that. I notice that I can be pretty harsh at times, but I believe I'm right about the planning... But how can I get her to realize that, or how can I get over it? Also, I hate that I nit-pick at her, 'cause it only causes pain...
Lil Honey Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 Most people are busier during the holidays than at other times. Is her mom a single-parent that she needs her daughter's help? Does your girlfriend like preparing for the holidays? A lot of people really get into it. All the prepping and doing would take a lot of time. Does she get along well with her mom? This might be something that they enjoy doing together. I think that it would help the situation if your girlfriend could give you some sort of idea when she can see you. If she is in school and her mom works, free time is at a premium and they might only be able to do things when the time presents itself. Depending on your girlfriend's age, her mom might not like the idea of her having a boyfriend, so she keeps her busy. I understand your frustration. I am a planner. My ex wasn't. He thinking was, Why make plans when they might have to be changed? *sigh* I think that you should talk to her and tell her how you feel. If you don't feel like a priority, tell her. Explain to her that if you are waiting for her to call and say that she can see you, then you can be missing out on other things that you can be doing. IMHO, keeping others informed is a matter of respect. It doesn't solve anything to nit-pick at people. Everyone is different, including you. Accept the fact that she might not be a planner at all. You will then have to decide if you can carry on that way or not. Since you are a planner, you can always try to plan for If-You-Can-See-Her and If-You-Can't-See-Her days. I also think it would be good for you to not wait around for her to make a decision about each weekend. If she calls and you aren't around, she'll get the idea that you aren't there as just some form of entertainment for her.
Author uRabbit Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 Ya, her mom's a single parent and she sees her dad every Monday and usually on weekends. Last weekend, she also helped her mom put up decorations. They just like to take a long time doing things, I guess... As far as her giving me at least an idea, I told her that too. Her mom works out of the house, running the business she owns 50/50 with her ex-husband (girlfriend's dad). And yes, she's in school; Junior in High School. She's 17. And no, her mom doesn't have a problem with it. Her loves me and the only thing I don't like about her involvment in our relationship is that she's not very involved. She doesn't speak with her daughter about how our relationship is going, and I wish she did, because then my girlfriend would have someone to go to when she has a problem with me or doesn't know how to say something. *shrug* I've told her how I feel, and I've been sincere about it. Not accusing her of anything; just telling her how I feel. When I say, "I don't feel like you're doing all that you can to make time for us," she says 'whatever' and stuff like that. She won't hear it. And I told her before that letting me know what's going on should be done out of respect, she said, "What? Now I don't respect you? I'm busy! A lot!" And then she brought up the fact that she's grounded from her cell phone that her mom got her and now sneaks around with the one her dad got her and calls me whenever she can... So maybe it's a combination of the long-distance and the fact that she's grounded and has to sneak around with the phone...? Hmm...
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