I dont want to be a Westpac Widow!

[NotaWestpacWidow]

Deinfed: WestPac Widow – The spouse of a deployed sailor, if he or she strays from the marital bed in their absence.

 

First of all let me give you a little history lesson about me. I've been married happily for now 4 years to a wonderful man. Theres nothing special about me, I don't think. Except that I have this wonderful man in my life and that we share a beautiful daughter. (he is indeed the perfect husband, smart, sincere, caring a good father and very attractive.) I have been married to the US Navy since I have met my husband and we have spent allot of time away from eachother, and I was always that devoted wife waiting on the porch for her man to come home.

 

Well I dont want that all that to change so I'm pleeding for help!

 

The DH has this friend that comes around. We'll call him James. He has this most amazing smile and when he comes by you could feel the attraction that we both have for eachother. I really didn't pay it no mind untill the night of the Christmas party. I had a few drinks and after the party my husband, James and myself went to the local Navy club to finish out the night. My husband dosen't smoke but James and I do, so we would go outside to smoke and talk, everyone knows that alcohol is a truth serum so there went my mouth. I said things that even made this sailor blush. Things I told him I had never ever told anther person. He was a perfect gentle and heard me out, making comments here and there. Nothing more happened that night, I just made my come ons and that was it. My hubby has been gone a week now, in that week I called James to apologies for that night and an invitation to dinner somehow slipped in there, and he graciously excepted. The crazy thing is, is that I dont have a clue about what he thinks about me. So here it is Tuesday and I'm suppose to call him back tommorrow with a time and day. The hubby comes home Saturday, and he goes on leave Saturday back to his hometown. So it has to be in the next 3 days.

 

I so want to make up an excuse and tell him that we'll have to do it anther time but what is stopping me. I can't get him out of my head... I can't stop thinking about him and its driving me crazy. I feel so awful, my hubby is on the boat missing us so much and here I am thinking about anther man. I know I wouldn't sleep with him, Im not willing to risk my life for a one night stand but on the other hand I want so much be near him. He wont be making the up coming cruise with my hubby; in the a couple of weeks. That means he'll be here, and I'll be here and the hubby will be there for 6 months.. and oh Im so confused.

 

If I do this dinner thing, who knows what will snowball from it.

 

So hey all, got any good advice? Or any good excuses to cancel dinner? Thanks again for taking the time out to read this, it really means allot to me!

 

Hugs

 

NotaWestPacWidow

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

You know that you're playing with fire. If you care at all about the vows you made to your husband, then you will stay as far away from this guy as you can. Three words: Don't do it.

[Craig]

It's simple really, but may not seem so simple right now.

 

You call James and tell him that you've been thinking and you don't think it would be a good idea if you and he had dinner because it makes you feel uncomfortable with your husband being out of town and all.

 

If James doesn't get it or acts like you are over-reacting it will be a sign that James doesn't respect your husband, your marriage and you.

 

Thank you for asking for help in a situation like this, I hope something someone says here makes sense to you.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Except that I have this wonderful man in my life and that we share a beautiful daughter.

 

Two of the most important reasons in the world to not give into your temptations.

 

Stop for a moment and try to imagine what will happen if you and James were discovered. How your husband might react. How your families and friends might feel. What your daughter might think of you once she's old enough to understand.

 

And would James be the kind of man to stick by you and support you as your life falls apart … or might embarrassment and shame at what he did to his friend send him running for the hills while you're left standing alone to pick of the shattered pieces of your life. Will everyone who has come to know and love your family accept James as your husband's replacement? Your family? Your in-laws? Your friends and daughter?

 

Imagine each and every possible scenario … THEN decide, "Is it worth it?"

[whichwayisup]

First of all let me give you a little history lesson about me. I've been married happily for now 4 years to a wonderful man. Theres nothing special about me, I don't think. Except that I have this wonderful man in my life and that we share a beautiful daughter. (he is indeed the perfect husband, smart, sincere, caring a good father and very attractive.) I have been married to the US Navy since I have met my husband and we have spent allot of time away from eachother, and I was always that devoted wife waiting on the porch for her man to come home.

 

Well I dont want that all that to change so I'm pleeding for help!

 

You are lonely without your husband. That is obvious. What got my attention is what you said about yourself!!!!! "There's nothing special about me, I don't think" You are this man's wife, a mother to your beautiful daughter...What about you? You also say, "devoted wife waiting on the porch for her man to come home." don't live and wait life just FOR your husband. Do you have girlfriends, family and people you know nearby? What do you do with your time? Do you work, have hobbies, or taking courses? I ask this because it seems you've lost yourself in the midst of being a wife and a mother. Which has left the door open a crack because you're lonely and this other guy got your attention...He's met some needs that you dont' get from your husband.

 

The DH has this friend that comes around. We'll call him James. He has this most amazing smile and when he comes by you could feel the attraction that we both have for eachother. I really didn't pay it no mind untill the night of the Christmas party. I had a few drinks and after the party my husband, James and myself went to the local Navy club to finish out the night. My husband dosen't smoke but James and I do, so we would go outside to smoke and talk, everyone knows that alcohol is a truth serum so there went my mouth. I said things that even made this sailor blush. Things I told him I had never ever told anther person. He was a perfect gentle and heard me out, making comments here and there. Nothing more happened that night, I just made my come ons and that was it. My hubby has been gone a week now, in that week I called James to apologies for that night and an invitation to dinner somehow slipped in there, and he graciously excepted. The crazy thing is, is that I dont have a clue about what he thinks about me. So here it is Tuesday and I'm suppose to call him back tommorrow with a time and day. The hubby comes home Saturday, and he goes on leave Saturday back to his hometown. So it has to be in the next 3 days.

 

I bolded the part, like a strike of lightening, you kind of were aware this OM was interested in you, even though he KNOWS you're married. You didn't give it any thought...Then you clued in. And allowed yourself in your mind to cross the line...The feelings and his attention made you feel.

 

I so want to make up an excuse and tell him that we'll have to do it anther time but what is stopping me.

 

I think deep down you know the answer to that. You're playing with fire, big time and SO close to maybe losing everything. Life as you know it now will change. IF you decide to pursue the OM, be fully prepared to LOSE alot. Is that guy worth it? Just so you can feel better? It is selfish, yet understandable because you're lonely without your husband. Make yourself rise above it and forget that OM. This man is also your husband's friend. Not a good situation.

 

I can't get him out of my head... I can't stop thinking about him and its driving me crazy. I feel so awful, my hubby is on the boat missing us so much and here I am thinking about anther man. I know I wouldn't sleep with him, Im not willing to risk my life for a one night stand but on the other hand I want so much be near him. He wont be making the up coming cruise with my hubby; in the a couple of weeks. That means he'll be here, and I'll be here and the hubby will be there for 6 months.. and oh Im so confused.

 

You may not sleep with him, but you are definately coming closer to allowing it TO happen. Emotionally you're already there. You need to NOT put yourself in a situation where you will be tempted.

 

If I do this dinner thing, who knows what will snowball from it.

 

So hey all, got any good advice? Or any good excuses to cancel dinner? Thanks again for taking the time out to read this, it really means allot to me!

You owe this OM nothing. Just tell him you rethought it and didn't think it was such a good idea to spend any one on one time with him, because you're a married woman. Tell him that you are lonely and will miss your husband but you are NEVER going to do anything that will jeopardize your marriage and your beautiful daughter.

 

I really believe that you need to figure out what YOU want to do with your life. Find something to make you happy, a passion which gets your blood moving (not another man) because you are alone alot and I bet it's hard being a single parent most of the time. With that being said, I assume you knew this was going to happen because of your husband's job. Reach out to family and friends, make girlfriends - Join a club. I'm sure Navy wives have support groups, maybe look into that.

 

You have alot of wonderful things in your life, please really think hard about spending time with this guy. He isn't someone that you want to end up with, right? You have NO plans on leaving your husband for him, right? If that is the case, don't bother having him around to pass by the time and make yourself feel better. It isn't worth it, just go take a read at some other posts in this section.

 

Good luck and keep posting.

[Sami_D]

Well just because there's (apparently) a phrase for it, doesn't mean it is inevitable. Just tell him you've changed your mind about the invitation.

 

I think the problem here might be that you're not so sure whether you want to un-invite him or not.

 

You talk about being a devoted wife, waiting on the porch, having a handsome husband, a beautiful child, and a (potential) OM with a lovely smile. It's all so superficial and says nothing about how you're feeling, or what you're thinking. Are you really just bored beyond belief with this 'reality' you've created for yourself..? Or are you truly missing something significant in your life that you can't live without..? What are these 'things you've never told anyone else' that you discussed with James..? Do they mean anything? And if so, what?

[Notawestpacwidow1]

For being a bunch of strangers, you nailed me to the T. I did call him (OM) the night I after I posted and cancelled dinner. I sat there and cried for feeling so guilty, even considering throwing my family away . My happily ever after is going to work out. I know the right thing to do, & it felt good doing it. Instead me and my little one went out for pizza.. Fun times. I'm ready for the hubby to come home.. I sure do miss him..

 

Thanks everyone for replying. The world amazes me every day, especially the kindness of strangers. Take care all!

 

With love,

 

DevotedNavyWife

[damwinston]

I have been here for awhile and this is the first person that actually seemed to listen to anyone. I think of aussie-mandy. Everyone spent 36 pages on her and I, for one, still haven't figured that one out.

I wish that I had been as smart as the navy wife in the beginning and asked for help and THEN I wish that I listened to the answers that I got.

Lucky her. I am so glad that she got it.

Congrats to those of you that replied to her. You saved a person, a family, a life. All that any one of has lost because of a MM or MW you all saved that from happening in her life.

Kudos Sami D, whichwayisup, Craig, EnigmaXOXO, & jenjenheartbroken. And Kudos to you Notawestpackwidow.

What a gift you have all given to everyone.

Merry Christmas to you all.

love,

dammy

[whichwayisup]

It's nice to know some people DO really think out their options before making a mistake which in most cases they're going to regret. Thanks for the kudos dammi, but I won't take credit for this. I do believe deep down she knew what was right and what she had to do. It's too easy to get caught up in a crush and fantasize about it. Doesn't mean that it has to happen though.

 

Good luck Navy Wife. Find some hobbies that will keep you busy. Get your child involved in playdates and get to know other Navy Wives! Have fun and remember, you are going to be okay!

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I think she came here because she heard a little voice in her head that said, "Don't do it." That's the conscience speaking, and usually it's right. I like to think that the words our conscience says to us is God's way of telling us what the right thing to do is. We're all human, and sometimes we ignore those words of wisdom, but if we could all listen to our conscience a little more, then the world would definitely be a much better place.

[whichwayisup]

There was another poster a while back, who came on looking for advice, she was really torn on what to do. After many postings, she realized she was about to make a mistake and didn't go through with it. She walked away! I was really happy for her and she came back and thanked everybody for helping her.

[damwinston]

you guys are amazing people who did an amazing and noble thing!! You turned your pain into a sign that saved her.

You saved her from what we are all going through right now and God, let me tell you it hurts.

 

I have been really depressed lately. Ex had his exgirlfriend (now current gf call me to bitch me out. Stress that I can't deal with because stress = seizures for me (which is why she thinks that I am a drug addict in the beginning. I will write more in a post about that one later because I too need some help and advice.

I really just wanted to thank you all for giving her such great and truthful answers and am so proud of her for opening her eyes, seeing the future, and choosing the right one.

I am not a big prayer but please know that tonight I will make certain to say a special prayer for you all (and for her).

Y'all rock.

dammy

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Aww...thanks! ((((big group hug))))

[damwinston]

thanks jen - i need a hug today - after this weekend I need a big one!!

dammy