Is my ex realizing? Long, please respond! :-(

[Genod422]

My ex and I broke up a nearly six weeks ago after having a year and a half relationship that was very close and loving. She felt she needed to get out and party more and make friends and experience life more and obviously date around. At first she was extremely confident with the situation and rebounded with this one guy she was friends with. She was partying a lot, meeting new people, and living the single life. In the first couple weeks we barely spoke and when we did it was me looking desperate and I felt she was getting more and more fed up. We saw each other on Thanksgiving after saying she wasn't sure if she liked Doug, the other guy, and she still had feelings for me and she didn't want a bf and wasn't ruling out other guys and so on. When I saw her then she was a changed person and wasn't the sweet girl I fell in love with. I tried getting her back again that day and shes like I want to go with the flow and I don't want a bf right now and relationships get boring and she said any time she missed me that that was just life and she has to deal with it. When I asked if she could honestly say that she doesnt love me she said she didnt think so and she said she wanted me as part of her life and cared about me but didnt want attachments with anyone.

 

I decided she was gone and I was very hurt again, considering at one time she wanted marriage and truly was very attached and loved me a lot and adored me, as recent as two weeks before we split. So now she is in her sophomore year in college and so am I and I go to school in Philly as well as she does and I was heartbroken. Things seemed to be going ok, she got a lot of guy attention, most guys she didn't like but still she got attention, and then suddenly something happened with her and the other guy were they decided to just be friends.

 

She was very upset ( I know all of this stuff through other methods, she never actually told me because we didn't talk, although once a week she would IM or text me) Anyways she texted me last week saying she missed me but she wasn't supposed to admit it, then changed the subject to school, then stopped texting me. Later on that night the other guy called me through a computer service saying that this is your new best friend and so on and I called her enraged and she didn't know why he did it and was scared that he looked through her phone to get my number. We talked and stuff and she told me things didnt work out with her and the other guy but wouldnt tell me why exactly and said maybe he called me because she had told someone she missed me as well as crying to the guy one night saying her and i fought a lot.

 

Anyways we would chit chat on and off, nothing big, for a few days and she told me how she is surrounded by a lot of jerks, and that she is yet to meet the good guys at Drexel and that she searched all the cute guys and most of them had girlfriends and that she searched for other guys because Doug was a jerk. I told her I wasn't and she said there are exceptions but she still seemed set on finding another person. She tells me stuff as if I don't still love her.Saturday she went to a party after saying Doug made her, I talked with her like 5 minutes before she left when I signed on. She called me an hour later saying she was really drunk and asked what I was doing then she said we should hang out over xmas break, then called me again at like 3 AM but I was asleep.

 

Then the next day we didn't talk all that much other than her saying she was approached by a lot of guys and Doug was getting jealous and she said she wasnt attracted to any of them really and I was like ok ok I get your point ( I hate hearing of other guys). The late that night she texted me saying she was watching a movie in her room and was thinking of me and then we didn't talk much more after that or again. Now Xmas break is coming up and she is either leading me on or she may be missing me a little but is very confused. This is something she wrote in her journal today ( for her friends, she used to let me read but now I guess she assumes I don't read it)

 

all my finals are done and i feel like crying!!! i hope i didn't fail anything, because then i'll just die. and i'm not fond of some people right now.

 

i hate that feeling when i can't do anything because it might hurt someone. like where i'm stuck in the middle of a couple of guys that like me, a couple of guys i like, and a guy i kissed. it's like.. i can't make any moves or else i'll break someone's heart or spoil my chances, or something.... i really don't want a relationship right now though. =P

 

Am I one of the guys she likes or likes her? Does she even like a couple guys, is she afraid of seeing me again because of Doug? By the way Doug is the guy she kissed...what do you all think after that crazy long post: Do I have a shot if I act normal when/if we hang out, and if she didn't want me then why the I miss you and I was thinking of you texts? Hopefully you all bear decent news

[J dub]

>Now Xmas break is coming up and she is either leading me on

 

She's not, because she's not saying it TO you. Youre looking for hidden meaning where there is none.

 

>or she may be missing me a little but is very confused.

 

Or perhaps its about people you dont even know.

 

>This is something she wrote in her journal today ( for her friends, she used to let me read but now I guess she assumes I don't read it)

 

You are dragging this to the bitter end, arent you? Stop reading her journal. Stop watching her moves and erase all contact you have of her so you cant be reminded of her constantly. If she wants you back, she knows how to find you.

 

>Am I one of the guys she likes or likes her?

 

Who cares? We couldnt tell you - our guess is as good as the next guy's. But I can tell you that based on the fact you are searching for hope is a sign you are refusing to let go. YOU NEED TO LET GO. She is gone.

 

>if she didn't want me then why the I miss you and I was thinking of you texts?

 

She's having a moment of guilt - happens to all of us in situations like this. Obviously she knows she hurt you so she's trying to soften the blow. What she doesnt realize is that it's leading you on. It would be better for both of you if she'd knock off the games and allow you to heal.

[Genod422]

Ok but she not only told me we should hang out during break but she texted me over the weekend saying she was thinking of me and she is surrounded by jerks and I just was wondering if there is a chance that she could be thinking her decision through and still have me in mind. I understand the no contact thing but when you try to ignore the girl and she is saying we should hang out and she misses me and stuff isn't that a hint that maybe she isn't totally sure of what to do?

[J dub]

>isn't that a hint that maybe she isn't totally sure of what to do?

 

The downside of being the dumpER is that you may ALWAYS question if you made the right decision. Just because she's feeling remorceful doesnt mean shes going to want you back. You have to understand that there is a good chance she wants you as a friend, too.

[AUSSIEBRAD]

Mate, i'm gonna be honest so prepare yourself.

 

IT'S OVER!!!!!!!!!!

 

Your story is one of the saddest and most pathetic things i've ever seen. I'm sorry but i hope to god you aint answering all these calls and messages?????

 

I'll tell you why your relationship is over:

 

1. Never, ever, grovel because you've already lost but then if you do and she moves on never be easy for her. You've been way to easy and sadly you are now used for reason 2

 

2. You are there for one thing, a fall back boy!!! When something happens with another guy or she feels lonely you are the one she calls! Why, because you'll always answer her calls, and you'll always take her back.

 

3. She is a slut who isn't in love with you!!!! She wants other guys and plays them off because she likes the attention, she wants the thrill of being with many guys. Any girl who is in love will do anything for that guy and will not be attracted to anyone else. Sadly this girl is just looking for a hotter guy, or even worse she is dating all you guys she thinks are easy as she works her way to the one she knows she wants!!!

 

Sorry mate, but search your feelings for you know this to be true.

 

There is only one way to get her back and you must not **** it up!!!!!

DATE!!!!! MOVE ON!!!!!! AND DONT ANSWER HER CALLS!!!!!!

These are the only ways she will come back and to be honest in your case due to the lack of interest she is showing in you even that wont make a difference! If i was you, do something with your life, make yourself a better person, date other girls and have some fun. Remember you got this girl, surely you can get another with the experience you gained from her.

 

By dating and not answering her calls suddenly her fall back boy isn't there and she will feel lonely and lost, she may get jealous seeing you with other girls and chase you. She may just flirt with you at first, thinking that will get you back as her fall back boy, BUT dont fall for it!!!! Play hard to get and keep not answering her calls and keep dating other girls! By this time you'll probably be over her, but anyway more importantly she'll do whatever she can to get you back because suddenly your cool, other girls want you and your hard to get. From here mate it's up to you, but you need to make sure you wait for her to come back to you, and if she doesn't it's because she doesn't love you. REMEMBER she left you, and she is the only one that can choose if she wants you back.

 

Moderator removed abusive language

[Genod422]

Ok well for one she isn't a slut...she was a virgin when we started dating and she is a virgin now and we dated for a year and a half. I decided over Xmas break I will see her and play it cool but if she is leaning towards the friend thing and not towards regretting her decision then I will tell her I am not her fall back and I can't be her friend because I love her too much so that it would be best for her to stop texting and calling me with the "I miss you's" and so forth and if she is ever ready to come back she knows my number and can hope I am still available.

 

Both of you guys are very negative about the situation and have some nerve saying I'm pathetic. She is a very easily influenced girl, by her friends, and she felt she was missing out on life so that is why we split. She isn't looking for "easy" guys because she never even has had sex. The guy she was with after we split was a fall back because he was a friend and he liked her and showed her interest. She complains she is surrounded by a-holes now and so on and I think she is a very confused girl.

 

With break coming up she is going to be away from the college influence, away from the other kid and any other guys, and will have her head clear for a while so I figure it is a good a time as any to just see her, treat her well, and see what develops. I will forget the situation if it doesn't work so well over break and I know if I were to get another girl and ignore her she would get jealous but right now I am giving her one more shot so in the long run she doesn't have to get her heart broken, get banged, and or lose all hope of having me when I find another girl.

[Devils Advocate]

what is commonly referred to as an Intellectual Whore and you are in denial of your status.

 

I'm going to be blunt here, not for you since I do not believe you really want the truth but are looking for somewhere to sound off about your problem.

 

You're ex is trying to have the best of both worlds, a man (or men) who she is physically and sexually attracted to so she can validate her ego and get whatever physical gratification she wants. These men tend to be the type referred to as "bad boys" and are generally of the less than emotionally available or intellectually stimulating variety. They are the equivalent of the vacuously dumb blonde bombshell type for women.

 

The other side of the deal is you, the emotionally supportive, intellectually stimulating (but not challenging), generous friend or Ex who will be there to fulfill her emotional wants and requires no compensation. These are referred to as IW (intellectual Whores) and thier ranks are filled with niceguys who believe that putting in the time to build the emotional bridge to her will net them this female as a girlfriend. They continue to believe this even as the watch this same female voluntarily and eagerly give herself to the men who refuse to give her that emotional support.

 

To the average IP (Intellectual Pimp, ie. your Ex) you are an asexual tool for her gratification that requires no effort to maintain and pays off massive dividends.

 

Now, you have a choice you can continue being her IW and never recieve the respect or relationship you deserve or you can break contact and move on and attempt to find some satisfaction and joy in your own life. This may bring her back to you but that is irrelevant, you are trying to make your own happiness and she is standing in the way.

 

 

MOVE ON

[gfto]

I generally agree with the other posters, although I wouldn't call her a "slut." This girl's interest in you is extremely low. You need to quit answering her texts, e-mails, or calls. As one of the other posters pointed out, she sends you these texts, because she knows you're a nice guy who will always answer.

 

I do respectfully disagree that she feels guilty about anything. When her interest in you is as low as it is, by definition, she has no respect for you. Thus, she can't possibly feel guilty about anything she's said or done to you.

 

The last poster is absolutely right. DATE NEW GIRLS!!! Lots of them. Don't answer texts or e-mails, regardless of what they say. If she calls you, just say, "hey, it's great to hear from you. Listen, I can't talk right now, because my date's still here. Give me a call sometime." click. Everytime she calls you, give her a variation of this theme..."I'd love to catch up with you sometime, but my date stepped away and she'll be back any second. keep in touch." click. But, don't ever think that this girl has high romantic interest in you.

[itwontdawnsooner]

i agree with most posts here, it's a good idea to date when youre ready. i dont know if id make up that a date is still around you - she might see through that and see it as you trying very hard to seem desirable, but the idea is there, you need to move on. if you respond to phone calls once in a while, dont respond right away, never pick up the phone when she calls - let it go to voicemail. always. dont respond to texts right away, delete them and dont respond if you can do that. you need to push away now for your sake, its going to be very difficult. but you have to convince yourself, you will NOT be somebodys backup!