Zero Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 Hello everyone, I never thought I would be seeking advice on an Internet forum but I really am at a loss right now and don't quite understand myself. This may be a little long so please bear with me. A little over two years ago I was set up with a woman and we hit it off and we started dating, even though I had doubts because she had a child so young. (We're mid 20s BTW) But I gave it a shot and it turned out to be a wonderful thing. I honestly thought this might be the woman I would spend my life with. I guess you could say the "honeymoon" portion of the relationship wore off and we grew more comfortable with each other and we were as worried about spoiling or impressing one another and thats when things started to go down hill. It started with her getting an unusual number of "wrong numbers" and text messages from "nobody". Instead of talking about it and being honest with me it continued until I finally broke down that wall and got her to talk to me about it. But at that point, we both had been pretty hurt by each other. I know that the trust and most of my previous feelings had gone out the window but I still cared so I wanted to give it another shot. I guess things went fairly well for a while but eventually we started to argue a lot. I felt that the relationship was one sided because I always paid (ok, 95% of the time), I did things when it was convenient for her, etc. I mean, what choice did I have? She didn't have the time or money to do whatever whenever because of her kid. Anyway, that one sidedness would go on until I wanted to leave and she would promise things would be different. Things never changed. A few months ago I just decided that it wasnt healthy and we should part ways. I haven't contacted her much myself but she continued to show up and just act like nothing had ever happened. I was upset about the whole relationship in general but for her to decide we would break up when it was convenient for her really made me mad. A while ago I finally got her to realize it was over and she was not to come around anymore or call, etc. Now I'm the bad guy. It was wrong of me to want her to pay maybe once in a while since I was starting a business (or maybe even say thank you once in a while). It was wrong to go out without her even though she had to stary home with the kid (although she did find time for friends and vacations with family). Well, you know where I'm going with this. I can't tell for sure, but I honestly think she thinks it's all my fault even though I can't think of another thing I could have done to make things work. If I wasnt upset enough about the whole thing, this was the icing on the cake. I'm used to people my age being a little childish about things, but eventually things cool down and mostly we can be friends. But there is just something about this one that absolutely infuriates me. My mood has started to effect other aspects of my life and people have started to comment on how angry I am all the time when I'm usually the laid back kind of guy. I don't know how to cope with this or really understand why I am so upset. I think it might have something to do with her violating my trust, feeling used, and then for her to turn around and tell me its my fault. Can anyone help me?
Outcast Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 Anger is one of the stages of grief. It's also often a man's way of dealing with depression. If it's bad enough that your friends are remarking on it and if it's lasted for several weeks, it's time to go get professional help.
Author Zero Posted December 13, 2005 Author Posted December 13, 2005 Anger is one of the stages of grief. It's also often a man's way of dealing with depression. If it's bad enough that your friends are remarking on it and if it's lasted for several weeks, it's time to go get professional help. Well, it hasn't quite lasted several weeks. Maybe I should try to be a little more specific even though it is hard to put the feeling into words. My friends comment on how I havent been the same since we started dating, but the past week to two weeks they have really noticed somethings up. Things arent as bad as they were, but she still tries to start **** every once in a while, and thats when Im just seething for a week or a little more, even when I know I'm better off. But after I get out of those moods, I feel like a giant weight has been been lifted and I can finally concentrate on what I want for a change. But then it starts all over again. I can't understand why it gets to me so badly and why it lasts so long.
reader Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 I think there is a part of you that feels guilty, maybe because she has a child, no money, etc. You tried, it didn't work, and you need to go on. Let it go.
itwontdawnsooner Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 you dont owe her anything. you do care, you dont want to be a "bad guy" but having tried to make it work, and it didn't, and therefore parting ways, does NOT make you a bad guy. its not your job to go around rescuing people
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