Rackity Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 I've looked around, and it sounds like a few others here are in a similar situation as I am. So here's my story. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years and I really feel like it is time to let go. I am no longer in love with him... but I do love him and care deeply about him. We live together. Moved across the country together. And because of that, we don't really have friends, just each other. This makes it even harder to break up. I have no one to talk to about this really, or anyone to help me out of the situation. I am also worried about him because he has been dependent on me financially... and so I am worried about the logistics of the break up. I'll need to find a new apartment, and he might have trouble with that since he's just been not very good with money. Which is one of the reasons I want to leave him... I am just sick of always having to bail him out. But we have a really great relationship and he's the only person in this world that comes close to getting me. But I also wonder if I am just thinking this because I haven't given someone else a chance to 'get me' in a long time. Not to mention, I am craving being with another man, just to see what that's like since I haven't done it in so long, and I am not even attracted to him any more, and wanting to cheat on him just to see what it's like. It's just hard because there is really no good reason to break up, and it would be a bit out of the blue. Yes, I know, being out of love with someone is reason enough, but I am so afraid of hurting him. Hurting him hurts me deeply, and I am really scared. I've also got a lot of drama in my family life, so I really am not in the mood for drama... so i am just sort of lazy about it. I just don't know what to do. Any advice?
Art_Critic Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 It's just hard because there is really no good reason to break up, the only reason that is necessary is that you no longer want to be with him.. Letting this relationship go any more than it all ready has will just make it harder on him. You need to pull the band-aid off quick.
SummerRae Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 I feel for you Rackity. 7 years is a LONG time and yes, finding someone who "gets you" is a challenge and when you let someone go, you are taking a risk. There are no guarantees. Just like you replied to my post (about getting another job), sometimes it's time to let go. Is it still a relationship if you're the one doing the work? Is it still a relationship when your needs are not being met? When you feel like you are being responsible for him? When you are always bailing him out? I do not know your exact situation but can say from what you say about you "bailing him out" that there could be some codependence there........ I know because I've been there......... I think you are wise to do what you feel and know in your heart. Good luck! And keep me posted!
Milo Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 You could also tell him to bring in some money or you are leaving.
Author Rackity Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 Thanks for your replies! I feel like he cares for me, but just doesn't get the hint sometimes and not great at showing his appreciation. This is a weird example, but once in a while, I'll buy him cookies at this really good bakery. And sometimes we'll go out for lunch and he'll get a cookie for himself, but won't buy one for me. And i'd be like, why didn't you get me a cookie? And he'd feel bad, but then do it again next time. When we've been in fights, i would say, "all i want is for your to buy me a cookie, but you never do!" ...you'd think the next day he'd go out and buy me a cookie. but nope, no cookie! I know, it's silly, but because he'd had so many financial troubles, I don't really expect him to buy me a diamond. All i wish for is some small tokens of gratitude. But he is there for me and listens when i have troubles with other parts of my life. He's someone I can depend on emotionally, and that's really hard for me to depart with. I sometimes think maybe he is out of love with me too, but is also just comfortable. I do want to break up, because there is no reason to be with someone that you are no longer in love with. But it will be a process that might take a long while. SummerRae - It's not as easy as putting in your 2 weeks notice. ....but I do appreciate you responding to my post
Author Rackity Posted December 31, 2005 Author Posted December 31, 2005 Argh. It's raining cats and dogs, and he still wanted me to go out an open the garage door. And when I said something about it, he said, "Stop criticizing me." Excuse me for wanting a gentlemen for a boyfriend who will go out and open the garage door in the rain. When I keep things inside, he tells me I shouldn't keep it inside. When I say something, I am a naggy girlfriend. You just don't win. I want out.
Nicholas Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 It's time to leave, then. How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot? Would you want to be with a man who wasn't fully devoted to the relationship--who fantasized about infidelity? Heartbreak is a function of love. It would be somewhat insulting if he were able to walk it off without pain. You're both adults, it's a risk you took. Good luck to you, though. Seven years! Wow.
ciara12step Posted December 31, 2005 Posted December 31, 2005 raining cats and dogs ?? it is here too .. oh wait . im in the bay area too , lol .. man but boy is it rainin !! i wish we could snap our finger and our relationship problems would dissapear ..
l13578920001 Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 From a guys prespective, the guy that opens the garage doors usually gets dumped
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