SMHappyface Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 Ok, so everybody knows my last relationship ended in cheating. I was engaged. Bla bla bla - months pass and I meet a couple really great guys - this one guy I like I am talking to on the internet and he's been extremely busy with work and everything, so I know that. Anyways, he was studying for a presentation he had the next day and was chatting with me at the same time. Somehow we started talking about chinese food and somehow the word cream was mentioned and it came out dirty. Anyways, I joked that he sounded "hard up" and he took it as a total slam that he couldn't joke around and that I was taking everything too seriously. He ended the chat soon afterwards saying he was busy and had to go study (his presentation was the next day). It was about 9:45 at night, so it was understandable, but I still felt like we ended on bad terms. ANYWAYS, he said not to worry about the whole chat and that he had enjoyed talking. I am just so double guessing myself on EVERYTHING! I feel like I am too clingy, but I only e-mail him back when he does and days will go by and I don't even bother. I am so worried I will screw this up or any other relationship up. AM I TRYING TOO HARD?! Other people tell me to just relax and have fun, but I feel like I don't want to lose him or anybody else I meet. How pathetic, huh?!
Neptune Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 Definitely trying too hard. He may be reading one of those books on how to succeed with women telling him to be unpredictable or whatever. Anyway, more to the point: You are a really hot chick if that is your photo. Don`t take no crap off the guys. I would be cautious of this guy you are chatting with if he cops an attitude that easy. You can be chosy and please be patient. Sometimes people really do try too hard to get back into a relationship soon after a breakup. Party On:bunny:
JS17 Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 All of your posts seem to be you trying to find out how you can avoid being something or someone that you're not. You are going to rebound. You are going to be clingy. It's going to end and then you're going to start healing again. That's how it works and you can't avoid it. It's ok to go through all of these things and learn. Just go with it. The only advice I will give you is that if you really think this new guy is the real deal then put off the relationship. If you're ok with him coming and going in a few months time then enjoy it while it lasts.
Author SMHappyface Posted December 13, 2005 Author Posted December 13, 2005 *sigh* thanks for you advice guys - I dunno, he did ask me if in the week I hadn't talked to him if I had found another boyfriend. I told him what if I had, would he be jealous?! (flirting) he said he would, and to at least give him a chance, but do what I needed to. That was earlier in the conversation... Let me post a little of it from or IM chat (T is him, I'm S): T says: what have you been up to? You haven't found Mr. Right since the last time we talked have you? S says: Awww, would u feel bad if I did?! T says: Ohh actually I would S says: and why is that? T says: At least give me a chance! But do what you gotta do S says: hahaha, no, I haven't found any mr. perfects yet. But I do talk to a lot of wierd people, lol. T says: Why thank you I appreciate that. lol S says: So what do u mean chance.... what does that involve? *interest perks* T says: chance well you never know... S says: humm... u got me smiling, I'm curious what ur thinking T says: My mind goes a hundred miles a second you don't want to know everything that goes through my mind S says: I figured you had already found somebody around there and had forgotten all about me..... T says: Who me S says: lol, I would pay good money to hear it T says: how much? S says: 100 bucks T says: is that it S says: Well, I'm not THAT rich, if the first information is good, I might re-negotiate T says: you could get it much cheaper you know..lol S says: oooh, ok. Tell me what I gotta do T says: I am at a loss for words.. I hate when that happens. You got me *** At this point the conversation was going good - things were appearing quite light and fun. BUT then the evilness of my words crept in: T says: Ahh the questions you can ask on the internet and not on the phone! S says: I like chinese foods and it depends on the guy. Hum, maybe I should get to know you better before I devulge certain information; I want you to respect me. T says: ohh come on S says: If you wanted to talk dirty, there are million places u could do that T says: Okay I have just been put into my place. Sorry! I guess I was a little well lets just say going along with the "creme" I apologize S says: It's ok. I don't want you to get the wrong idea with me. U know? U sound a little hard up T says: Ouch, on that note I guess I will sign off! I apologize if I gave you any impression of that at all. I must say that I this time and on the other occasions have gone along with joking around with I did not know that you would take it so seriously. S says: LOL, I wish you could see me smiling!!!!!!!! geepers I guess I can't talk right tonight. I am not trying to sound all hard-ball, sorry lol, the hard-up comment was a joke, sorry T says: Hard up? how can you say that any other way! ***The conversation went downhill about now - prior to this comment/enterchange he had already told me he was busy and needed to go, but of course after this I felt like I had chanced him off! Anyways, here is how the conversation ended: T says: well don't worry about the convo. tonight and thanks for the added bonus of knowing more info. S says: Well, take care T and good luck with it all. I enjoyed talking to you tonight even with my very bad way of joking, lol T says: no problem I enjoyed it also S says: hahaha, thanks for being sweet about it T says: Have a great night and I look forward to getting something in the mail (**I had sent him a Xmas card and told him) S says: ok. G'night you T says: sweet is the only way to be good nite ***I don't think it is hopeless, but I sure made a ass of myself! It's not like I expect him to be my one and only, but if he doesn't work out I don't want it to be because I'm an idiot, too clingy, bla bla bla - He gave me his phone number, but I haven't called him ever except for one time, I don't e-mail him unless he e-mails me back. I did ask him out-right "Are you even interested in me, or should I stop bothering you?!" He told me "I'm VERY interested, just bear with me for a couple more weeks until I finish training" So I guess I'm just in overkill. How come the guys you like you go crazy and annoying about and the ones you don't, you treat perfect and they like you more. BLEH! Evil day, this has turned into more of a rant...
Lishy Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 Well I read your IM and babe you didnt say much wrong - Saying he sounded hard up was not the best thing to say but hey u said sorry and that you didnt mean it like it sounded - IMs and texts and mails are crap cos they can sound so different to how you would say it in person. Do you think you should be looking for a man on the internet? Do you have children? You should get your sexy ass out there and meet a man in person honey! And stop being so hard on yourself - You do NOT need a man in your life to be validated! Get over your ex before you get another man in your life is my advice. Ps I know how you feel hon
itwontdawnsooner Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 you're doing fine. you recognize that youre overanalyzing sometimes, which as you know well enough tends to happen when you start getting interested in someone! best thing to do is, realize what you're doing (by posting this you're at least seeing it), when you get sort of crazy with it try to work it out without taking it out on the other person, so go for a walk, resist the urge to always fix everything, if you slipped with a few comments it probably wont matter if the interest is there. when someone is truly interested, you "forgive" the little things and fumbles that happen in the beginning (hey, they continue later if it gets to that point!) only thing i'd say is dont play the only email him back game, rarely initiate thing too long. yea you dont want to be clingy, but don't be forced-distant.
ReluctantRomeo Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 SM, you sound fine. OK, this could have been handled a touch better, but you were on balance good. JS is right - you shouldn't beat yourself up over little mistakes. Fyi, T sounds a little moody and sensitive to me. I think it's as much about him as you. In his shoes I'd have just come back at you with a sarcastic comment of my own.
Author SMHappyface Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 Do you think you should be looking for a man on the internet? Do you have children? As for looking for a guy on the internet - we do talk on the internet because I'm home with my parents, but he actually lives 1.5 hrs from my apartment, we have mutual friends, but we've never met. Who knows until we DO actually meet I guess... As for children, no, thank god! Thanks for all you guy's help - I guess I am a bit too sensitive. I keep telling myself that I should enjoy the ride and just not worry about all the details. I think perhaps why I'm so worried is because I don't like the thought of anybody leaving me, but if we've never even met, he can't hate me. He's already told me he's interested, thinks I'm really hot, likes to talk to me, but has made it very clear he's flat out busy with his training until Dec 23rd, and will look forward to getting to know me better after the holidays. I guess I should just relax. Perhaps I'm more worried about being pushy than I actually am. I will learn to think twice before I push the "send" button - better to say a little too little than too much!
Jackle1886 Posted December 18, 2005 Posted December 18, 2005 Hey, this post has nothing to do with the topic, just needed somewhere to write. SMHappyface, you emailed me on adventistsinglesconnection, but i have used that in months. Atleast since they required payment, so unfortunately, i'm unable to read your email. Being the curious person i am, i googled your screenname and after a few minutes registered here. For some reason i'm not allowed to send you a personal message, so here i am posting! Anyways, you can email me at my regular email account or IM me on msn or aol at this screenname. OH ya my email is this screenname at hotmail. Have a great day
LN8840K Posted December 18, 2005 Posted December 18, 2005 I must say your picture does look hot ...... I don't mind clingy, wanna give me a test drive ?
ms_jnj Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 I've been cheated on in a long -term relationship too. For a while when I met guys I was very careful not to upset them and I would become very upset myself if something I said made them angry. I dated a guy for a while, and I tip toed around him until I couldn't stand it anymore. I started voicing my own opinions and you know what...he didn't like that much. So I broke up with him. And it was ok....I realized that because of my first relationship I had become so afraid to lose a boyfriend, and afraid that they would cheat on me that I lost myself in my effort to keep them by being 100% agreeable to everything they said and just, not being me. It was a mistake...now I've made the decision to always be me. To apologize if I've offended someone, but never to be completely submissive to any guy just to keep him around. And you know what? I haven't found "The One" yet, but I am dating and guys like me. The real me, the me that isn't afraid anymore. It is a hard road, but once you are able to just be you and to try and supress that fear of being left/losing someone again....that's when the guys will come around and stick around. I hope this made some sense.... 1
FireReady Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 It was a mistake...now I've made the decision to always be me. To apologize if I've offended someone, but never to be completely submissive to any guy just to keep him around. And you know what? I haven't found "The One" yet, but I am dating and guys like me. The real me, the me that isn't afraid anymore. It is a hard road, but once you are able to just be you and to try and supress that fear of being left/losing someone again....that's when the guys will come around and stick around. I hope this made some sense.... Perfect attitude. I agree
Author SMHappyface Posted December 20, 2005 Author Posted December 20, 2005 People cheat on people all the time, but I think there is something healthy of being comfortable enough single that you don't NEED people. Perhaps people like me (or what I'm trying to NOT be like) are a magnet for players, cheaters, etc. To be walked all over, manipulated. I'm not gunna be a bitch, but learn to be a independant, contented woman with or without a man. I think men can appreciate that. Funny story, I was talking to this guy that liked me and he joked "Well, maybe I will leave" and I was like "You're loss" He found it a total turn-on. I've never said something like that before... lol
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