cynicalnlove Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 Ok, I'm not sure if you all remember me since it was last month that I have entered this "broken-heart" forums. So here's a brief summary of what happened and what it is now. My relationship with my narcissist ex boyfriend was always on a rocky road. I've always expected that we were going to break up based on the facts of what happened in the past. Well, I did it again and succumbed to his charms and manipulative ways to get me back with him. I hesitated, almost recovered while practicing NC, but because my wound was still fresh I let him back into my life. I've tried to change and I saw that he was putting on the effort to change also; here I am thinking, ok - we might be heading somewhere FINALLY. Again, selling me false hopes - making future plans; and xmas is nearby. Then, he got extremely sick while we were still trying to work things out. I was with him, through every step and recovery. Nursed him back to health while he was in the hospital - I was there everyday because in my weakness I did love him tremendously. I believe he managed to have gotten some nurse's phone number while in recovery and cheated on me. Then it changed, from this nice charming man to this monster. He didn't even want to hide the fact that he took this girl out on a date. And it happened overnight. i left him alone to recover and give space, and what does he do? He went on a date! I called the next day, and he blatantly strait out told me what he did; but manage to try to push the fact that It was my fault that I let that happened. He had also said some cruel -almost mental abusive words telling me that i was smothering while i was there everyday at the hospital. What was I suppose to do? We were trying to get back together, leave him there to die and suffer alone? So anyways, he turned all my kindness towards him and manipulated to make it seemed as if I was some psychotic ex girlfriend, when he was the one to initiate any contact and "getting" back together. The funny thing was, when we were back together I was still very depressed. and I asked myself, "is it possible to be lonely when you're with someone" which is what I felt. I thought it was unsual since I thought that getting back together with someone you loved was suppose to make you happy. If I had loved him, why was I still sad while with him? I was planning to just take it easy and not see him as much, but then he beat me to the punch. He met someone else, and literally over one night; he had thrown our 2 year off and on relationship. After he was done cussing me out, I simply said - I don't want to see you anymore. He got upset with me, as if i didn't have the right to leave (narcissist way)? Was he to expect that I would stay after he cheated and blamed me for it, let alone cussed me out? There's a no return point for me, I'm just tired of it. I did this with him for 2 years.. Even though I didn't want to be with him completely, How come there's a sense of sadness? How come there's a sense of loss even though he wasn't worth much? And I've always wondered, it took a lot of patience to deal with this man, and i was the longest one to put up with it.. why did he choose someone else that he barely knows? I did the NC thing, and I'm back to starting it again.. any remarks?
Author cynicalnlove Posted December 13, 2005 Author Posted December 13, 2005 take one step at a time. This one is definetely gonna take a while. Before i knew that there wasn't anyone else, now that I know - the pain is 10x worse. The fact that he could just drop me like that without looking back, is the worse feeling.
In Sync Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 Don't beat yourself up over this man, Narcissistic people are manipulative, and lack empathy. And you fell prey to him. Take this experience and wash your hands of him completely. NC with every fiber in your body. I've written my feelings about NC on another thread and I have come to see after my feeling were exploited and discarded that my contribution was by breaking NC. I truly beleieve that there's two kinds of energy and some people are ruled by that own needs and could care less about how their actions effect those around them. Your ex falls into a category that only cares about his needs being met at whatever cost. You are just collateral damage. That being said, stay away from this man and anyone with a me, and only me mentality. You will be stronger because this didn't kill you. Use whatever hurt and anger and regret for rebuilding yourself. He is not a man to be admired at all. Celebrate that he is out of your life!
bigbrowneyes Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 Hummm, Are you dating my X? I did the same thing! My X manipulated me into getting back with him during a weak moment in my life. He charmed his way back. Gave me a 1.5 carat diamond engagement ring. Did everything in his power to make me believe he changed...(he cheated on me and treated me very mean). So, after counseling and 18 months, I find out that he shared a hotel room with a female employee for a weekend...and he only disclosed this after I call every hotel in NY city to see if he was registered...and called him on it. I broke it off with him almost 3 months ago. He emailed me and called begging me back. At thanksgiving he emailed me some lame email that said we need to talk someday b/c it's hard to move on without me. Than suddenly he's in this serious relationship 6 days later. I know this b/c he emailed me. I am proud of myself b/c I haven't responded to any emails or calls for 3 weeks. I too am confused how someone can just move on so quickly. I met a guy for a lunch date on Sunday and was physically sick afterwards b/c I missed my X so much. All I can say is stay strong. Read motivational books about how life is good and living positive can be rewarding. That's all I can do. Fortunately, I am a Christian so my faith helps. I'm reading Joel Osteens, Your Best Life Now...Let me tell you...this book is empowering. Take control of you life and give it to someone who is worthy of you.
Author cynicalnlove Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 Don't beat yourself up over this man, Narcissistic people are manipulative, and lack empathy. And you fell prey to him. Take this experience and wash your hands of him completely. NC with every fiber in your body. I've written my feelings about NC on another thread and I have come to see after my feeling were exploited and discarded that my contribution was by breaking NC. I truly beleieve that there's two kinds of energy and some people are ruled by that own needs and could care less about how their actions effect those around them. Your ex falls into a category that only cares about his needs being met at whatever cost. You are just collateral damage. That being said, stay away from this man and anyone with a me, and only me mentality. You will be stronger because this didn't kill you. Use whatever hurt and anger and regret for rebuilding yourself. He is not a man to be admired at all. Celebrate that he is out of your life! In Sync: you have given me such great advices thank you. You are right, Nc is extremely hard to maintained; but it is essential to fully recover. This is one experience that I will ever remember. I thought that I was wiser in my choice of men, but he had managed to manipulate my situation over and over again. It was my fault; and I knew this was going to happen. Is it really a relationship if you're counting the days till you will break up. He had used my sympathy to use it to his full advantage, cunningly to squeeze every little thing I had left. Its depressing actually to know that I had given so much to know that he didn't appreciate that one bit.
Author cynicalnlove Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 Hummm, Are you dating my X? I did the same thing! My X manipulated me into getting back with him during a weak moment in my life. He charmed his way back. Gave me a 1.5 carat diamond engagement ring. Did everything in his power to make me believe he changed...(he cheated on me and treated me very mean). So, after counseling and 18 months, I find out that he shared a hotel room with a female employee for a weekend...and he only disclosed this after I call every hotel in NY city to see if he was registered...and called him on it. I broke it off with him almost 3 months ago. He emailed me and called begging me back. At thanksgiving he emailed me some lame email that said we need to talk someday b/c it's hard to move on without me. Than suddenly he's in this serious relationship 6 days later. I know this b/c he emailed me. I am proud of myself b/c I haven't responded to any emails or calls for 3 weeks. I too am confused how someone can just move on so quickly. I met a guy for a lunch date on Sunday and was physically sick afterwards b/c I missed my X so much. All I can say is stay strong. Read motivational books about how life is good and living positive can be rewarding. That's all I can do. Fortunately, I am a Christian so my faith helps. I'm reading Joel Osteens, Your Best Life Now...Let me tell you...this book is empowering. Take control of you life and give it to someone who is worthy of you. Hearing these stories just reassures me that I am not alone in dealing with screwed up people. Yeah I hear you when you spoke of dating someone else. There was this guy I went out on a date with, and he was nice and attractive and not to mention rich. I had only wished I liked him the way he liked me, then it would be ok. But I didn't, I was haunted by the memories of my ex. I'm beginning to change and have realized that there are expectations that I require and there's no way on earth that I will allow myself to be sold short.
In Sync Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 In Sync: you have given me such great advices thank you. You are right, Nc is extremely hard to maintained; but it is essential to fully recover. This is one experience that I will ever remember. I thought that I was wiser in my choice of men, but he had managed to manipulate my situation over and over again. It was my fault; and I knew this was going to happen. Is it really a relationship if you're counting the days till you will break up. He had used my sympathy to use it to his full advantage, cunningly to squeeze every little thing I had left. Its depressing actually to know that I had given so much to know that he didn't appreciate that one bit. Look, I've wised up and started informing myself about manipulation, and how those of us become duped by others. Ok, one usually doesn't start assuming the person they have fallen for is being manipulative. A person who manipulates does it in incriments, undetectable. Bit by bit. Of course being in love or at least what we think is love (I see it as dependency now) we ignore the little slights and hurts. We are in effect giving the manipulator permission to keep increasing their insults until one of then becomes so appallling WE FINALLY BECOME SHOCK HURT AND HUMILIATED. Ignoring anyone's mistreatment of you aided in where you got to, but that doesn't mean you should feel it's your fault. You weren't aware of what was happening. Once you know and you keep going back for it..then you are asking for it. I was asking for it too with breaking NC. Walk away with full knowledge of what you know know and the power of that knowledge and NC that person out your life. My message to you: Quit Blaming yourself. It only makes you feel the need to want to fix what happened, try to make it right..that leads to thinking maybe the next time it will be better. Forget him and Start Fresh!
Becoming Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 Maybe you're sad for lots of reasons: You just miss having a bf. We all need people. But we need good ones. You'd hoped he'd meet this criteria, but he didn't. Your trust in humanity is a little shaken. Your trust in your own judgment is shaken. There won't be someone there to take care of you like you'd hoped. Which means . . . Now you're going to have to take care of you and know what's good for you and choose accordingly, and maybe you're a little lost as to how to do this (as we all are). You're wiser now, and you have the power of choice. Use your wisdom and your power, and choose only men who are worthy of the precious gifts of your time and life and love. Don't follow just your feelings and misplaced Snow White BS that someday your prince will come that little girls are conditioned to believe. Follow that deeper wisdom that keeps her head and listens to it even when the feelings get intense. You've learned this lesson and don't need any more of his kind anymore. You're ahead of the game in so many ways.
Author cynicalnlove Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 Look, I've wised up and started informing myself about manipulation, and how those of us become duped by others. Ok, one usually doesn't start assuming the person they have fallen for is being manipulative. A person who manipulates does it in incriments, undetectable. Bit by bit. Of course being in love or at least what we think is love (I see it as dependency now) we ignore the little slights and hurts. We are in effect giving the manipulator permission to keep increasing their insults until one of then becomes so appallling WE FINALLY BECOME SHOCK HURT AND HUMILIATED. Ignoring anyone's mistreatment of you aided in where you got to, but that doesn't mean you should feel it's your fault. You weren't aware of what was happening. Once you know and you keep going back for it..then you are asking for it. I was asking for it too with breaking NC. Walk away with full knowledge of what you know know and the power of that knowledge and NC that person out your life. My message to you: Quit Blaming yourself. It only makes you feel the need to want to fix what happened, try to make it right..that leads to thinking maybe the next time it will be better. Forget him and Start Fresh! Wow, you are correct. At first I had just let a lot of things slide, because I was in the bliss of what it is to be in love. I refused to see how manipulative he could become or how decietful he is. There were many warnings that I should have taken in consideration but I didn't. This time around I have to be much more careful about who I choose. It would be nice to start fresh again.
Author cynicalnlove Posted December 14, 2005 Author Posted December 14, 2005 Maybe you're sad for lots of reasons: You just miss having a bf. We all need people. But we need good ones. You'd hoped he'd meet this criteria, but he didn't. Your trust in humanity is a little shaken. Your trust in your own judgment is shaken. There won't be someone there to take care of you like you'd hoped. Which means . . . Now you're going to have to take care of you and know what's good for you and choose accordingly, and maybe you're a little lost as to how to do this (as we all are). You're wiser now, and you have the power of choice. Use your wisdom and your power, and choose only men who are worthy of the precious gifts of your time and life and love. Don't follow just your feelings and misplaced Snow White BS that someday your prince will come that little girls are conditioned to believe. Follow that deeper wisdom that keeps her head and listens to it even when the feelings get intense. You've learned this lesson and don't need any more of his kind anymore. You're ahead of the game in so many ways. Thank you for your encouragement. I think when we are lost in love, it is like a fantasy.. like a child who refuses to see what was really there. Everytime I break up with this guy, i do become lost and it took me a long time to find my way again. But there's faith that I will be the person I was meant to be, this time around I hope that I will not crumble when he initiates the contact. this time around, i hope what he did will forever hold a mark against people like him.
Becoming Posted December 15, 2005 Posted December 15, 2005 this time around I hope that I will not crumble when he initiates the contact. this time around, i hope what he did will forever hold a mark against people like him. Do more than hope. Vow. To yourself. Get support when you're weak from others here. And when he initiates contact, don't respond. You can screen your calls, right? Not call him back. Stay busy and focused on yourself and what it is you really need. Notice in the above quotation that you focus on him as much as you. Forget him. Focus on you now. Man, what a number this guy did on you. I'm sorry. In the hospital and there you are . . . :mad: C'mon. Let yourself get good and mad at him. Write it all down and read it when you're weak.
Author cynicalnlove Posted December 15, 2005 Author Posted December 15, 2005 Do more than hope. Vow. To yourself. Get support when you're weak from others here. And when he initiates contact, don't respond. You can screen your calls, right? Not call him back. Stay busy and focused on yourself and what it is you really need. Notice in the above quotation that you focus on him as much as you. Forget him. Focus on you now. Man, what a number this guy did on you. I'm sorry. In the hospital and there you are . . . :mad: C'mon. Let yourself get good and mad at him. Write it all down and read it when you're weak. Yeah, that little girl did it in front of me. While I'm there, flirting with him as if i didn't exist. By her words and actions it had said, "i'll sleep with you right now." The biggest dissappointment was that he stood there silently while she managed to slap my face in front of him. then once I said something, after she left he had taken her defense saying that she was trying to make conversations. what a jerk.. I think this is what was more hurtful than the betrayal. apparently he had a planned while i couldn't sleep worrying about him. he's not even worth mentioning but it sures feels good to vent on this.
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