monkeybars Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 A few details-we were engaged, he broke it off a month before the wedding-we stayed together, he blew up at me a few times, and insisted I move out, which I did. A few weeks later we would get back together. Well, this past October, we had our final break up. I moved out AGAIN, got a new apartment, and tried to move on with my life. I told him the last time that I wouldn't be able to go back. Well, this past weekend, I hung out with a mutual friend, stayed over after drinking a bit too much. Mutual friend is a man, that has known my ex since HighSchool-I am not attracted to mutual friend, but we have a good rapprt. I honestly beleive that mutual friend let ex know that we hung out. Low and behold, Ex contacts me on Sunday, we had a convo for about an hour, he said that he missed me, and we made tentative plans for dinner this week. Nothing was confirmed. There's a website that I fruequent alot, as does he. Well, found a personal ad he put up not 20 minutes before calling me on Sunday. Needless to say I was and am pissed off. I beleive that he knew that I would find this. So, I called him, he didn't pick up. Which he has never done in the past. I left a message telling him that I needed to ask him something, called my sister, talked to her about it and she suggest that i just delete the phone numbers, and turn my phone off. Which I have now done. I am now at the point where I honestly beleive in my paranoid self that he is trying to get me upset about this. He knows I frequent this particular site and that i would find it. I wonder as does my family and friends, why I am still allowing this man to affect me this much. I think that he's mad that i hung out with mutual friend and stayed over, and that he's trying to screw me up. I have never, ever let a man affect me this much, and I guess I just need to vent and get it out there. Are there people out there that are this intentionally cruel? Because other than loving him, I have no idea why he just won't leave me alone. Now, I am feeling guilty for hanging out with this mutual friend, and like I did something wrong--when I didn't. We're broken up for crying out loud, I can do what I want. He even asked me if I have been having sex with other men, like it's any of his business if I have. (Which I haven't-but that's not the point) I honestly believe that he is intentionally trying to get some sort of reaction out of me, because I have been doing no contact, because I do need to get over him. I can rationally see that he is NO GOOD for me, but for some reason, I get sucked back in!!! I am angry at myself for going to this friend's house and hanging out, I feel like I might have screwed up us getting back together, even though I know that it wouldn't be a good thing. I think it's convenient that he called to say he missed me, within 24 hours of me hanging out with said friend. I can't help but feel that somehow I was set up, and am being taken for a ride. I don't know why someone would do something like that, he wanted to end the relationship-I stopped calling, I moved out, I am trying to move on and heal, and it's like he wants me to have a mental breakdown or something. At this point I guess I just need people to knock some sense into me, because I have all these scenarios running through my head. I am not a dramatic person, I can let go of relationships, and I told him when we broke up that I will move on, and meet other people, and be happy again. I mean, why not let me move one? Why the drama? I do not get it! Help!
J dub Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 I'm not sure I understand why you would be so pissed off that he posted an ad up. Perhaps he knew you'd see it, but perhaps he didnt have you in mind at all either...its possible he just DID it. Youre not together, therefore you really dont have any say in what he does or doesnt do.
Author monkeybars Posted December 13, 2005 Author Posted December 13, 2005 I have no right to get peeved-but I am. Fine, if you want to date other women, do so, but don't start calling me telling me you miss me then. That's what i'm peeved about. You're right, I have no right to get peeved, but, why do it and then call me? What's the point? If he wants to meet other women so much, then do it and leave me alone already. Ok, I'm being highstrung, but, seriously, I feel he's being manipulative. Or am I just really overreacting? Probably.
witabix Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 I'm not sure I understand why you would be so pissed off that he posted an ad up. Perhaps he knew you'd see it, but perhaps he didnt have you in mind at all either...its possible he just DID it. Youre not together, therefore you really dont have any say in what he does or doesnt do. Absolutely correct, you are upset he did something, and you are second guessing his 'annoyance' at you hooking up with another guy, or however you wish to put it. I am a fairly broad minded guy, but, reading between the lines I feel you tried a game with him and he tried a game with you and he won. Don't play games, an don't let anyone else play games with you, forget him, move on, it is most definatley done by now.
J dub Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 >I feel he's being manipulative. Believe me I know what you mean. I am sure he's probably thinking you only hung out with the friend to piss him off as well. Lots of miscommunication causes weird interpretations like this...my guess is he just knows how to push your buttons and enjoys getting a rise out of people (mainly you because perhaps he still has feelings for you. not uncommon) which is sick and twisted, but...we all do weird sh.t now and then
Author monkeybars Posted December 13, 2005 Author Posted December 13, 2005 I am embarassed myself by my behaviour-like I didn't know he would find out-seriously-who am i kidding?, but, alas, hidsight is 20/20-I'm just going to let it go. I wanted to thank you, your post opened my eyes as to how I was being immature as well. I need to grow up and move on, and I am vowing to myself not to get sucked back into these games. I'm no good at it, and I am better than this, time for me to prove it. Thanks again-we are broken up-either of us are allowed to do what we want. My pride is hurt is all, and I need to figure out why I am allowing myself to behave in the manner of a 12 year old. You have a good point-we are broken up, he can do what he wants, when he wants, where he wants, how he wants. It just really stings. 3
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