notmakingsense Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 My on-again-off-again gf of 2 years went in to one of her periods of silence. She does this when she's upset over something or troubled. A few times, it has been because she's not sure about us. Anyway, she did it again last week. I don't know why. And after about 5 days of her not returning voice-mail or e-mail, I finally broke down and wrote her a note telling her that I'm through with her distancing herself from me, and that I deserve better. Breaking up by sending a note truly sucks. I mean, I don't even know if she got it, and I certainly don't get the closure associated with her acknowledging what I had to say. I truly love this woman -- but in the end, it was a one-sided relationship. She never really did make the decision that I ultimately was the one for her. So.... this probably would have ended anyway... but still, I feel so in limbo! I can't seem to move past this. At least if we had that final 2-way conversation, the reality of the ending would be more present for me. In ultra-paranoid moments, I think to myself that she got into an accident -- and nobody bothered to tell me, or, she's secretly found a lover and can't bear looking me in the eyes and telling me. Whatever. I feel a bit crazed right now. I'm technically the dumper, yet I feel like the dumpee. -
CaliGuy Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 You did the right thing. The ball is in her court. Go into full NC mode now. Try and put her out of your mind and whatever you do, don't contact her. Let her find herself and what she wants. If it's you, she'll be back. If not then this was probably meant to be. I'm going through the same thing. She's dating someone else now. The whole time we dated she kept looking for someone "better." I never appealed to her because I truly wanted a strong relationship and she preferred to 'hang out.' She doesn't want to be tied down to anyone and I was trying to tie her down. I see that now and have granted her space. If she comes back, it was meant to be. If not, I must accept that. In fact, I accept that now.
chocolate_boy Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 It does suck when people do that, my recent ex is the same, she was like it with her ex before me too, she makes up her mind she's not happy and ends it with no real explinations... sort of like she has thought it through in her mind and feels no reason to drag it up again for your benifit. Selfish is the only way to describe it.
Author notmakingsense Posted December 12, 2005 Author Posted December 12, 2005 You did the right thing. The ball is in her court. Go into full NC mode now. Try and put her out of your mind and whatever you do, don't contact her. Let her find herself and what she wants. If it's you, she'll be back. If not then this was probably meant to be. I'm going through the same thing. She's dating someone else now. The whole time we dated she kept looking for someone "better." I never appealed to her because I truly wanted a strong relationship and she preferred to 'hang out.' She doesn't want to be tied down to anyone and I was trying to tie her down. I see that now and have granted her space. If she comes back, it was meant to be. If not, I must accept that. In fact, I accept that now. Thanks CaliGuy -- your situation sounds very similar to mine. I kept things going for 2 f-ing years, thinking that momentum would take care of things. And for a while, it did. But one thing never changed -- she never really fully let down her guard, and slowly that really got to me. I know that full-on NC is the way to go -- to begin to accept the fact that its over. Its just really getting to me that I wasn't able to end it face-to-face.
CaliGuy Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 I know that full-on NC is the way to go -- to begin to accept the fact that its over. Its just really getting to me that I wasn't able to end it face-to-face. In my case, I made two very strong attempts to keep her in my life. The first break up hurt the most. This second time around it really sunk in just how indifferent she was to me and until recently I couldn't understand it. Now I do. She wants her space, I 'must' give it to her. And this means NC for months. If she wants to talk, she knows how to easily find me. She has someone new, so I know that's so fresh on her mind that I am the last thing she is thinking of. If she never tries to contact me again, then I'm ok with that too. I hope to be over her completely in a few months and be dating someone else.
Author notmakingsense Posted December 12, 2005 Author Posted December 12, 2005 It does suck when people do that, my recent ex is the same, she was like it with her ex before me too, she makes up her mind she's not happy and ends it with no real explinations... sort of like she has thought it through in her mind and feels no reason to drag it up again for your benifit. Selfish is the only way to describe it. Selfish is a great way to describe it, and my gf really is. In fact, now that I think about it, when it came to really sensitive subjects -- it all came down to how she feels. How I felt was secondary. But, for my gf, there is also avoidance. One time last year, we temporarily broke it off, and she started to date another dude. When she decided to get back with me, she never called him. He'd leave messages for her, and she never responded, until one-day -- I guess he finally gave up. Is that me now? With him, she only went out on 2-3 dates. She went out with me for 2 years. You'd think she'd have more respect for my feelings.
Mz. Pixie Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 NMS- I see that you're back. I'm sorry to see that you've been brought back to us because of another issue. Still willing to settle for crumbs when you could have a full meal with someone else?? I see she's still up to her old tricks!
Author notmakingsense Posted December 12, 2005 Author Posted December 12, 2005 NMS- I see that you're back. I'm sorry to see that you've been brought back to us because of another issue. Still willing to settle for crumbs when you could have a full meal with someone else?? I see she's still up to her old tricks! (That's me blushing) I knew you'd catch me Mz. Pixie! But... I'm much better at this now. The last time this happened, I put my foot down (something the "old NMS" wouldn't have done), and sure as sh*t, she came back... Now its happened again, and I've put my foot down again. This time, I'm sure there won't be any coming back... this is just normal venting/commizerating through the break-up process.
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