sunaddict1 Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 My ex and I were together for 5 years! We broke up about 3 years ago and got back together (by fate) after 8 months of being broken up. We moved in together and were doing great int he beginning. Then things started getting stressful again. I worked and he was in school...so the finances were hard and our home was a dirty old house. So i was getting depressed i think. We werent having sex and fighting a lot. then one day when he was getting ready to graduate and move to the beach (which is 2 hours away) he broke up with me and told me we couldnt get married the way we were. That was 5 months ago and i have been doing good....still missing him...but accepted that it was over. then i saw him last weekend. things were great! We had hung out in the last 5 months,,,but he was a jerk to me. last weekend he was sooooooo sweet! We hit it off like we were a couple again! He bought me a rose and stayed with me ALL weekend! We had great sex all weekend and it was PERFECT! So i thought it was just the weekend and i would not hear from him again. well he called me during the week and he invited me down to stay with him at his new house at the beach. so i went and had a GREAT time! We acted like a couple again and he was really good to me. he made a couple little mistakes....but i get jealous easy too. so here i am...confused i talked to him about where things were going and he said it is fun hanging out and lets just see where it takes us. which i know i need to do.....but i am still in love with him more than ever. He has a great job now and doing well for himself. he made some comments about how he would like me to live there with him but i dont know if that was flirtation or seriousness. I even called into work to stay with him sunday night. i feel like things are GREAT now but i just dont want this to be a hook up! HELP! ANY ADVICE?
Distracted Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 My now ex and I broke up after almost a year together and then got back together last summer. At first everything was great and we made things work again for another year before we broke up again. With this experience behind me, my advice to you is to take things very very slowly right now (this is not what I did, but what I now wish I had done). Pretend you just met and are starting a new relationship rather than getting back together- try not to sleep with him again for awhile and don't spend the whole weekends together right at first. Keep doing all the things you were doing to make yourself more independent while you were broken up with him. Let him come to you. If you do end up back together MAKE SURE you address the problems that broke you up in the first place rather than just being so happy that you're back together that you ignore them. Believe me they are still there and if they aren't resolved it unlikely this time will be any different. I wish the best of luck.
Author sunaddict1 Posted December 12, 2005 Author Posted December 12, 2005 I know that i need to take it slow. I just get caught up int he moment and want it all to be back! I wont see him for 3 weeks now. That is going to kill me! i need to go slow for myself as well...i to have reservations on getting back together. I told him that i still love him and it is hard for me to move on withmy life when i see him. he told me that he thinks its fun hanging out and he still misses me. he said that he would like to have hope that we can work this out but right now is not good. i agree....i dont want to rush back into it b/c we miss each other. i just dont know if he is wanting to get back together as much as i am. i told him everything on how i felt about him...good and bad. i told him that if he asked me to move int with him right now i would do it in a hearbeat..and i told him that that scared me. I told him i need to be a little more stronger to think reasonably. i told him that i am soooooo upset to leave him b/c i am afraid to meet someone or him to meet someone. he said that is a chance we have to take and see what happens. i know that....but i am afraid. I am sooo in love with him! I never could love anyone as much as i love him. he was my first love! I was 19 when we started dating.....and we have come a long way! Several breakups and several getting back together. if we do get back together....this will be for good....that i why i want to make sure with me and him that we do this right. i dotn want to rush into and make the mistake that the emotions brought us to. last time we broke up....he wanted to go slow and it didnt happen. we jumped right into it and broke up a year later. it is true...when you get back together...it is good for the next year and then it goes bad again. why? i hate that. i dont want to be too comfortable again. in the last 5 years....we have had 3 major break ups! So i dont know if he is ever going to want to take that chance again.
Distracted Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 I think its just so easy to be blinded by the happiness that you have gotten back together that the issues that broke you apart disappear for awhile. I know for us that meant that his fear of commitment and need for space and my fear of abandonment went away. But soon our biggest problem- never really talking about anything- came back and so did the distance between us. I think maybe for us, we are too alike- too guarding of our emotions- to really work in the long term and that's what kept breaking us up. That and the emotional baggage he carries from his parent's divorce. So I guess the big question is do you think whatever it is that keeps causing you and your bf to break up can ever really be fixed? If it can't then maybe you should think about whether you really want to be on this roller coaster for the rest of your life regardless of your love for him. I offer this advice not fully taking it myself. I secretly keep telling myself my ex will realize the error of his ways and come back like he did the last time and that this time I will know what went wrong and be able to fix it and we'll live happily ever after. But I also have my doubts. Can I really change who I am in the relationship and even if I can- is he capable of it. Maybe the answer instead for me is in meeting someone new who compliments me rather than so much like me and with whom loving and being together won't be so much work. I don't know. Honestly its really hard to let go of the dream of forever with my ex - but after two break-ups, he would have to show me that he has really changed before I could ever trust him with my heart again. I hope you protect your heart too.
J dub Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 I hate to be the downer but I would be really wary if I were you. You slept with him already, therefore there is no reason for him to get back into a relationship with you (why buy the cow...) so he said he likes having fun with you - and that's all this will probably be. I mean if thats ok with you then great but you sound like youre in it for more than just the sex and he's not. >he would like to have hope that we can work this out but right now is not good That was the red flag first and foremost. When a man loves a woman, it doesnt matter WHAT is going on, he'll make time for her to be with her. I know youre going to be thinking I am dont know what I am talking about and I havent heard/seen how he is around you and yadda yadda...but take a look at your situation as an objective point of view. Youre saying you love him and he's saying not right now. That, in itself, should be enough for you to find someone who DOES want you right now. And no, sticking with him like this -- sleeping w. him and whatnot randomly is not going to trigger his interest in something more serious. That's not how the male mind works unfortunately.
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