witabix Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Ladies, communication is about exchanging ideas as well as giving clear and concise instructions. I can see where your frustration lies. In my experience female communcation has taken the following forms... 1 Wanting me to do something I do not want to do. "Honey could you build me a patio?" 2 Wanting me to accept something I do not want to accept. "Sweetheart I am going to go to a concert with Alpha, oh by the way I am not happy with the way Kylie looks at you." 3 Wanting me to stop doing something I do not want to stop doing. "Can't you have a night off? The gig will be there next week, I hate the blues anyway, its soooooo depressing!" 4 Wanting me to go somewhere I do not want to go. "My aunt, you know the one who hates you, is sick will you visit her with me. She's is my aunt you know, if you cared...." 5 Not wanting to do something with me I want them to do. "Lets go to ......(powerboat racing/blues band gig/art gallery/poetry reading/alternative theatre)" 6 Wanting me to be some one else, who I am not. "I wish you were more like your brother" (Actually had this said to me!!!!) 7 Wanting to hear what I am feeling, to use against me later. "Well you said last year that....." 8 Not wanting to hear what I am feeling because I am beeing a "stupid man". "Your just like all the other stupid men" 9 Not wanting to hear what I am feeling because I am being too emotional. "You are over reacting, I can't deal with all this emotional stuff, why can't you be more like your brother?" 10 Using such things as sex avoidance as a means of communicating that they are dissatisfied with something after I have already asked "whats up?". "Honey could you build me a patio? Sweetheart I am going to go to a concert with Alpha, oh by the way I am not happy with the way Kylie looks at you. Can't you have a night off? The gig will be there next week, I hate the blues anyway, its soooooo depressing! My aunt, you know the one who hates you, is sick will you visit her with me. She's is my aunt you know, if you cared....I wish you were more like your brother! Well you said last year that.....Your just like all the other stupid men! You are over reacting, I can't deal with all this emotional stuff, why can't you be more like your brother? I have a headache now, I am going to sleep!!!"
Becoming Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Ladies, communication is about exchanging ideas as well as giving clear and concise instructions. So feelings, general observations have no place in communication? 1 Wanting me to do something I do not want to do. "Honey could you build me a patio?" So why don't you just say a direct, "No, I don't want to." instead of going on and on about your brother issues? Is this really what it all boils down to? Men don't want to just say no to women because . . . ??? We'll yammer 'em to death with words?
alphamale Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 the best is when a dude can clearly see that his woman is mad or upset and he asks her: "what's wrong honey, are you upset about sometheing?" ...and her reply is "no"
witabix Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 So feelings, general observations have no place in communication? So why don't you just say a direct, "No, I don't want to." instead of going on and on about your brother issues? Is this really what it all boils down to? Men don't want to just say no to women because . . . ??? We'll yammer 'em to death with words? "Why Becoming? Because I simply don't want to!" Hows that?
witabix Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 the best is when a dude can clearly see that his woman is mad or upset and he asks her: "what's wrong honey, are you upset about sometheing?" ...and her reply is "no" Yea so true! Or the classic, "if you don't know I am not gonna tell you!" As an aside, how do you do multiple quotes from different messages? Oh and by the way Becoming I used the phrase "exchange of ideas" to cover all intellectual/emotional values that a person holds, and my first post was supposed to be mostly tongue in cheek.
JS17 Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 the best is when a dude can clearly see that his woman is mad or upset and he asks her: "what's wrong honey, are you upset about sometheing?" ...and her reply is "no" Men do the same thing only they say Trust Me. Man says "Of course I still love you baby, you have to trust my feelings for you." Man thinks "I hope she buys that and hasn't figured out I'm screwing a waitress 3 towns over" We're not mind readers either!!!
lilmoma1973 Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Men do the same thing only they say Trust Me. Man says "Of course I still love you baby, you have to trust my feelings for you." Man thinks "I hope she buys that and hasn't figured out I'm screwing a waitress 3 towns over" We're not mind readers either!!! Wow JS17 couldn't have said it better !!
seachange Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 but there is my concise advice to women re: talking to men. Stop thinking that men should already know what to do or say or how to behave. If you like it say "i like it"....if you don't like it say "i don't like it". Okay, I am totally in favor of this. But here's my question: in my most recent split, I found out during the breakup that my ex had been upset about something (about which I was completely oblivious - never even knew it was an issue) for months. He never said anything to me about it, but man, he had built up some resentment. I was like, why didn't you just ask me about it way back when and I could have taken care of it? And he said I just should have known and he shouldn't have to ask me. So when a guy does this, what's a gal to do??? :( I wish he had just told me.
witabix Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 You're just not listening are you? Are you? No, you're not, you never listen to a word I say, do you? Well do you? No you don't. I don't know why I bother to even TRY to talk to you! Can be said in a female or male voice. Communincating is two way, unfortunatley they don't teach this stuff in school.
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 I find, in my own personal experience men are really quite simple. At the the ones I know. With my husband, if something is bothering him, I know it. I know to not ask and let him be. When and IF he is ready, he'll open up and talk to me. If it is something I've done, or if he's pissed off at me or feels I'm pissed off at him, that stuff gets sorted out quickly - Neither of us hold that stuff in. It's the stress of work, or a problem that has NOTHING to do with me, that he will handle on his own. If I do ask him if he's OK, I get the standard answer, "I'm fine." Which I know is pure BS but it also tells me he isn't going to talk about it. SO I drop it. Do afew nice things for him to make him feel better, as I know he's got s*** going on inside his head. I feel (in my opinion) most men are like that. If something is bugging them they will let you know. If they don't, chances are it's not important enough to bring up and no point in stirring up the pot and having a "talk", which I know (alpha is right) they tune out 90% percent of it ... BECAUSE (and it's just the way some women are) we tend to talk it out, every thought IN DETAIL, which in return, they can't handle nor really want to hear. Short, sweet and to the point is how they prefer it. My hubby and I compromise about that stuff. I know him and he knows me; when the times come I DO need to clear the air, he lets me. Then there are times I want to vent abit more, but I see his body language and attitude so I let it drop. Give and take, just like everything else - Has to be a well rounded balance. Oh, I agree, we're not mind readers...Noone is. Christ, if we were, life would be so f**k'n simple wouldn't it!
alphamale Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Communincating is two way, unfortunatley they don't teach this stuff in school. unfortunately WHEATABIX, you'll find as you get older that the most impt things you need to know in life cannot be taught in school.
witabix Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 It just occured to me, on a more serious note, we are all communicating on here, albeit in written form. We have the time to formulate our thoughts on all sorts of issues, without any fear of upsetting anyone. We still manage to get the wrong message across, I think that is true, looking at some of the posts where clarification is required when a post is replied to by someone who has felt a sleight has been made against something they believe in. The poster then comes on to explain that was not quite what they meant. This is in a forum where we have time to write and time to read what is written. We still misunderstand one another from time to time. Is this valid/true or am I imagining it?
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 That's because without knowing someone's real intent, at times a word here and there can jump off the page and be taken out of context. Feelings and ego's get bent out of shape. Without having the human touch, seeing the emotion and hearing a voice, sometimes it IS hard to decipher someone's frame of mind while writing on LS. I do think most here don't intend to piss someone off, or hurt their feelings...Yet it happens sometimes.
lindya Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 This is in a forum where we have time to write and time to read what is written. We still misunderstand one another from time to time. Is this valid/true or am I imagining it? There's even more scope for misunderstanding here. We can't gauge eachother's moods through voice tone, body language and facial expressions. Oh well...except for And sometimes they just add to the general confusion.
witabix Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 unfortunately WHEATABIX, you'll find as you get older that the most impt things you need to know in life cannot be taught in school. I agree with you 100% ALFAMAIL, but it would have unpleasant to have had to attend Oral Sex 101 in an all male Catholic School!!!!
alphamale Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Oh well...except for And sometimes they just add to the general confusion. yeah I agree, especially the last one. the jumping bunny....I still don't know WTF that one means!
tanbark813 Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Realize that when a man says, "I don't feel like going to the movies tonight, afterall" it means "I don't feel like going to the movies tonight, afterall". Don't go into the typical female interpretation mode and think, "He doesn't want to go to the movies all of a sudden? But we've gone before, and I know he went with his ex. Ah HA! That must mean he likes his ex more! She's skinnier than me so he must think I'm fat! What an ass!!! Well, we'll see who's sleeping on the couch tonight, that dirty motherfuccker."
lindya Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 yeah I agree, especially the last one. the jumping bunny....I still don't know WTF that one means! I just took a closer look at it. I've always noticed that waggly thing it does with its ear, but I never noticed before that it seems to do a sort of somersault afterwards.
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Realize that when a man says, "I don't feel like going to the movies tonight, afterall" it means "I don't feel like going to the movies tonight, afterall". Don't go into the typical female interpretation mode and think, "He doesn't want to go to the movies all of a sudden? But we've gone before, and I know he went with his ex. Ah HA! That must mean he likes his ex more! She's skinnier than me so he must think I'm fat! What an ass!!! Well, we'll see who's sleeping on the couch tonight, that dirty motherfuccker." Well put Tanbark! SO like, those days you feel like rubbing something against a door knob it's cuz you're in the MOOD to...And those days you don't, ya just don't. No harm, no foul! LMFAO!!
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 yeah I agree, especially the last one. the jumping bunny....I still don't know WTF that one means! ARE you joking? Well, maybe we all just assume the bunny is representing something else...HMMMMMMMMMM...Just ask TUDOR, he knows!
witabix Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 That's because without knowing someone's real intent, at times a word here and there can jump off the page and be taken out of context. Feelings and ego's get bent out of shape. Without having the human touch, seeing the emotion and hearing a voice, sometimes it IS hard to decipher someone's frame of mind while writing on LS. I do think most here don't intend to piss someone off, or hurt their feelings...Yet it happens sometimes. I certainly get the fact that there is no face to face contact and thereby we can lose a lot of the message, I think however that the written word is a different form of communication. I doubt if I talk the way I answer these posts when dealing with a serious issue. Body language or non vebal communication, can carry more information than any amount spoken words. With the written word we can usually convey exactly what we feel without the NVC, love letters being an example, as are Dear John letters I guess, face to face we can pick up all sorts of signals, and misread them. I recall a psychology seminar where they showed us, a mixed group of adults, a video of a man and a woman having a drink and talking in a night club. We were asked what we saw. The guys said they saw a man and a woman talking in a night club! Which is what they saw. The women said they saw a girl flirting with a guy and a whole load of other stuff. All the men looked around with a WTF expression. I thought they could have been watching different videos!!!! Go figure!!!
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 It's easier to speak from the heart this way - A much more honest, comfortable level and REAL approach...You think it and out it types through the fingers...That is what I find.
seachange Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 I just took a closer look at it. I've always noticed that waggly thing it does with its ear, but I never noticed before that it seems to do a sort of somersault afterwards. Oh. I thought it was doing a little bow. But then again...I still have no idea why it would be...
seachange Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 I recall a psychology seminar where they showed us, a mixed group of adults, a video of a man and a woman having a drink and talking in a night club. We were asked what we saw. The guys said they saw a man and a woman talking in a night club! Which is what they saw. The women said they saw a girl flirting with a guy and a whole load of other stuff. All the men looked around with a WTF expression. Wow! Fascinating, captain.
witabix Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 <-----HELP!! I've got a firecracker up my butt!! Thats what I think it means anyway. Its a hobby here, stick a firecracker up a bunnies butt for Xmas, old tradition.
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