chocolate_boy Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 I know the time after a break-up is wierd, at the moment my house-mate, who has been single all his life has just got a new girlfriend! Also an ex-ex of mine from years ago I've been talking to everyday recently.... it's really odd cos we both got dumped my our partners on the same day in September!! And ended up back in touch, we were together a long-time ago and there is geniunley no feelings there now, but she's just started seeing someone new as well (yesterday).. so I sort of feel I'm not moving on quick enough and should have a new girl by now... But I'm in no rush, I just spend so much time on my own these days, I'm a real loner at the moment, which is the complete opposite of how I used to be just a few months ago. I guess these things take time for different people though. Thing is I feel fine about the break-up, I don't think about her that much now and have no desire to talk to her (had a few missed calls off her on Friday night!) but getting my life back on track seems to be harder than I thought. I've realised I've not got many close people to me now, sure have lots of drinking buddies etc. but not the same.
Painwraith Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Take as much time as you need. Turn some of those drinking buddies into close friends, or at least a way to meet new people and make some close friends. that way you have a support group and are also part of one, not to mention you are more than likely going to meet new people throught them and their friends. Pain
Becoming Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Sounds like you're getting choosier about the people you want in your life at a deeper level and don't quite know how to find those folks--like you want more than a drinking buddy. And why "should" you have a new girlfriend? Who says so and why? You should do whatever feels right to you at this point in your life, not force anything. It just sounds like you'd like to have more significant relationships to me, and you'd rather be alone than be with just anyone, and that's a good thing. But that now it's time to find some of those relationships and you're not quite sure how to go about it? (I could be way off track here.)
Yamaha Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Your probably not anxious to get into a new relationship. Understandable after a break up. We don't want the hurt to reoccur so we back away from getting close. Friendships are important at this time as many men kinda let friendships slide when they have a girl. It is also a good time to reflect on things you want to change for your next relationship but just enjoy being single now and learn to be happy with yourself.
CaliGuy Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Spending time alone is OK as long as you're not dwelling on the past. I've started playing World of Warcraft to help keep my mind off her. I've got three to four big projects in the garage I need to start working on. I went out on a date Saturday night and then went to a party afterwards. I'm trying to make sure I don't spend so much time alone that my social skills get rusty.
Author chocolate_boy Posted December 12, 2005 Author Posted December 12, 2005 I think everyone has made valid points, I'm not pining for my ex anymore or really thinking about her much, she called me on Friday (first time in about 3 weeks I've heard from her) but I didn't answer and have had no urge to return the call. I'm just in that sort of awkward post-breakup time where you have to start over I guess, and sometimes it's a slow process. I was probably guilty of not being as close to my friends when I was with my girlfriend, so now it's re-establishing some old friendships I need to do, and make some new ones. Just get a bit worried I'm spending too much time alone, but it doesn't really feel bad to me at the moment I am sort of enjoying it, I just worry that I'm going to turn into a loner if I continue like this! It seems everyone elses lives around me at the moment are moving really fast.
CaliGuy Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 I think everyone has made valid points, I'm not pining for my ex anymore or really thinking about her much, she called me on Friday (first time in about 3 weeks I've heard from her) but I didn't answer and have had no urge to return the call. Good for you! I'm just in that sort of awkward post-breakup time where you have to start over I guess, and sometimes it's a slow process. We all go through it. It's the painful part of the process - accepting that it's over, the feeling of frustration at the loss and then learning to accept it. It hurts and takes a long time, longer that we wish it would. I was probably guilty of not being as close to my friends when I was with my girlfriend, so now it's re-establishing some old friendships I need to do, and make some new ones. I did the same thing. Find some hobbies you can share with others. Fishing, sports, motorcycling, working out, basketball, etc. Just get a bit worried I'm spending too much time alone, but it doesn't really feel bad to me at the moment I am sort of enjoying it, I just worry that I'm going to turn into a loner if I continue like this! Your social skills will suffer if you don't. But don't force it, just do a little at a time and the next thing you know you'll be back in the game. Much faster than you thought you would. It seems everyone elses lives around me at the moment are moving really fast. In our position, it always seems like everyone else is in super fast mode and we're stuck in time. The feeling of loss does that to you. But the days will go by and in time you'll be back with someone new and wondering what you ever saw in the ex.
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