Xoxogirl Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 I feel lost... I have been in the dating scene for about a year now and can't seem to find a decent guy to establish a relationship with. I have tried blind dates, internet dating sites, and what seems like everything in between. Most of the men I seem to meet are only after sex, and I am not willing to offer that casually. I am not asking for "Mr. Perfect" I just simply want to have someone to share something special with. I am not sure what I am doing wrong. I am an attractive, fit, intelligent, and caring 25 year old woman who is ready for something real and lasting. I am shy though, so I never approach men, nor ask them out first. I have been in long-term relationships before, but it seems like the closer I become to a "marriagable" age, the further away the men get. I don't want to live my life alone. Where are all the nice guys? Does anyone feel my pain?
ReluctantRomeo Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Hey there Xoxo, Don't give up... there are plenty of nice guys still out there. Of course, users and players are over-represented in the dating market, since they're not gonna be taken off the market and into a committed relationship. Do you meet a lot of guys? What impression do they get of you? Have you had feedback from friends (including guy friends) as to what you might be doing wrong?
a4a Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 What is marriagable age? Sheesh! Join in on events and activities that you enjoy, you will find you feel much less alone. I do not understand why so many women think marriage completes them in some way. Marriage is not the answer to fulfill yourself, if you are that lonely make new friends, of course if you want sex well that is easy to achieve. a4a
sparticuss Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 I feel lost... I have been in the dating scene for about a year now and can't seem to find a decent guy to establish a relationship with. I have tried blind dates, internet dating sites, and what seems like everything in between. Most of the men I seem to meet are only after sex, and I am not willing to offer that casually. I am not asking for "Mr. Perfect" I just simply want to have someone to share something special with. I am not sure what I am doing wrong. I am an attractive, fit, intelligent, and caring 25 year old woman who is ready for something real and lasting. I am shy though, so I never approach men, nor ask them out first. I have been in long-term relationships before, but it seems like the closer I become to a "marriagable" age, the further away the men get. I don't want to live my life alone. Where are all the nice guys? Does anyone feel my pain? oxo I don't feel your pain but I've been talking all week with guys who do feel it but a thousand times worse. Totally committed guys too. But I can't discuss this kind of pain or the real reasons for guys committment fear. (Its not a phobia. Phobias arre irational fears. This fear is totally ratinal.) Board discussion offfends too many people. If you want to know how to really do it right you will have to PM me.
sparticuss Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 What is marriagable age? Sheesh! Join in on events and activities that you enjoy, you will find you feel much less alone. I do not understand why so many women think marriage completes them in some way. Marriage is not the answer to fulfill yourself, if you are that lonely make new friends, of course if you want sex well that is easy to achieve. a4a A4. You are right! Marriage is only the beginning. Not the completion. But a thousand little girls story books, foisted on imprressinable young minds tell a different story. The marriage is two lines from the end of the book. It's the fulfilment of derams and thesoloution to all lifes problems. at least it isin the fantasy pagesof the story book. I hate to admit it but I think I do understand.
SmoochieFace Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 ...of course if you want sex well that is easy to achieve. That is a ridiculous and laughable lie...
Rebellious Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 "Commitment Phobia" is bull****. It's a way to point fingers, blame somebody else for whatever is not working in your life. As if there is something wrong with anybody unwilling to commit to you. Some girl (not you) with an unattractive personality will find the whole world to be "Commitment Phobic". It's her personal selfish illusion. Everybody is in pursuit of their own happiness, your boyfriend likes you but not enough to commit for life, not right now. Maybe he has some ideal expectation, a hope, for what he wants in life and he won't commit until he thinks he's found it. I too was a confirmed bachelor until I met my wife. I'm glad I waited and didn't commit to anybody else.
Author Xoxogirl Posted December 12, 2005 Author Posted December 12, 2005 Rebellious "Commitment Phobia" is bull****. It's a way to point fingers, blame somebody else for whatever is not working in your life. As if there is something wrong with anybody unwilling to commit to you. I never said that there was anything wrong with men who are unwilling to commit to me. I just feel as though I have met quite a few guys who want to commit then shy away with some kind of fear that lurks underneath their shell. I also do not feel as if things are not working in my life, if I felt that way I would not be ready for a serious relationship. I have worked extemely hard and have overcome a lot to get to where I am and just feel as though I am ready for the next step. I guess I will heed the advice of others when they say that it will come when the time is right.
Author Xoxogirl Posted December 12, 2005 Author Posted December 12, 2005 P.S. No I don't want to just get pregnant either... that's laughable!
lindya Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 "Commitment Phobia" is bull****. It's a way to point fingers, blame somebody else for whatever is not working in your life. As if there is something wrong with anybody unwilling to commit to you. Some girl (not you) with an unattractive personality will find the whole world to be "Commitment Phobic". It's her personal selfish illusion. Everybody is in pursuit of their own happiness, your boyfriend likes you but not enough to commit for life, not right now. Maybe he has some ideal expectation, a hope, for what he wants in life and he won't commit until he thinks he's found it. Don't let any issues you might have with the phrase "Commitment Phobia" stop you from reading people's posts properly, Rebellious. Xoxogirl didn't mention anything about having a boyfriend right now.
Rebellious Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 I never said that there was anything wrong with men who are unwilling to commit to me. I just feel as though I have met quite a few guys who want to commit then shy away with some kind of fear that lurks underneath their shell. "Fear that lurks underneath their shell" sounds too dramatic, maybe they're just not into you. It takes 2 to tango, you picked those guys so you're at least 50% responsible for the outcome. What is it about you that makes them hesitate?
Rebellious Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 Don't let any issues you might have with the phrase "Commitment Phobia" stop you from reading people's posts properly, Rebellious. Xoxogirl didn't mention anything about having a boyfriend right now. Ok make it boyfriendS then, and thanks for reading my mind, and for the free psychiatric advice.
noclobber Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 I feel lost... I have been in the dating scene for about a year now and can't seem to find a decent guy to establish a relationship with. Where are all the nice guys? Does anyone feel my pain? there r plenty of them... but u won't give them a chance. u will just put them into friendzone and go after the guys that have all the issues that u r complaining about.. go figure!
kitkat826 Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 there r plenty of them... but u won't give them a chance. u will just put them into friendzone and go after the guys that have all the issues that u r complaining about.. I'm sad to report that this is true in many cases.
lindya Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 Ok make it boyfriendS then, and thanks for reading my mind, and for the free psychiatric advice. Any time!
sparticuss Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 there r plenty of them... but u won't give them a chance. u will just put them into friendzone and go after the guys that have all the issues that u r complaining about.. go figure! Generalisation again Clobber but I still know what you are talking about. I've known thousand of girls who only want, and actively seek out, guys who are nothing but trouble. I'll explain the main cause of commitment phobia inthe next post
Author Xoxogirl Posted December 13, 2005 Author Posted December 13, 2005 "Fear that lurks underneath their shell" sounds too dramatic, maybe they're just not into you. It takes 2 to tango, you picked those guys so you're at least 50% responsible for the outcome. What is it about you that makes them hesitate? Maybe I am sending out some negative vibe to men, I will give you that. Though, I truly believe that your contructive critcism would be more effective if you didn't sound so angry.
Author Xoxogirl Posted December 13, 2005 Author Posted December 13, 2005 Generalisation again Clobber but I still know what you are talking about. I've known thousand of girls who only want, and actively seek out, guys who are nothing but trouble. The thing is, is that I sincerely believe I give every guy a fair chance. I just seem to only click with men who don't take the chance on me I suppose.
sparticuss Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 I am shy though, so I never approach men, nor ask them out first. Where are all the nice guys? Does anyone feel my pain? Ok OXO I'll talk about only two things. Firstly pain. The pain of divorce among the guys is so bad that one in thirteen divorced men suicides within the first year of seperation. Suicide from post divorce trauma is the biggest killer of men under age 45. And of course, you don't have to endure the pain if you don't commit in the first place. Even among ex boyfriends suicide rates are still shocking. Are you still with me oxo? This may all be too new to you. So this leads me to your point about not asking them out and expecting them to ask you. The last time they asked a girl out she didn't bring them happiness. She bought them pain. (Now I know that this does not apply to about 50% of the relationships but these guys arent single. If the girl bought them happiness then they are still with her. Now would you ask somebody out if the last time bought you nothing but pain. So oxo! To find a nice guy forget about "where". They are all around you. But you have to ask them. And you have to demonstrate that you are aware of thier pain. And also demonstrate that life with you is happiness not pain. Demonstrate as in what you do. Not what you say. Keep in touch oxo. This lot may well be too much too soon too new. But its all true.
sparticuss Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 Maybe I am sending out some negative vibe to men, I will give you that. Though, I truly believe that your contructive critcism would be more effective if you didn't sound so angry. Not YOU oxo. They are in pain from the last girl. The abuser, the husband basher. So they feel only the negative vibe no matter what vibe you send.
Woggle Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 I am willing to commit to a woman that is worth commiting to. Very few woman are worth commiting to.
ReluctantRomeo Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 Any time! You can advise me any time you like, Lindy. I'm smart enough to know a good thing when I see it
lindya Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 You can advise me any time you like, Lindy. I'm smart enough to know a good thing when I see it Not even Friday and you're at it
sparticuss Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 Generalisation again Clobber but I still know what you are talking about. I've known thousand of girls who only want, and actively seek out, guys who are nothing but trouble. The thing is, is that I sincerely believe I give every guy a fair chance. I just seem to only click with men who don't take the chance on me I suppose. Generalisation . The thing is, is that I sincerely believe I give every guy a fair chance. I just seem to only click with men who don't take the chance on me I suppose. Bingo oxo! You have hit the nail on the head. I've told you about the pain and about what you must do. Part of what you must do is clearly demonstrate that they are not TAKING ANY CHANCE with you whatsoever. The pain of the past is so great that the chance is not worth it. Unless you can absoloutely garantee hapiness, not pain, and not just for three years, for life then no guy will take a chance. The risk is not worth the pain. And yes, I do realise that expecting you to prove this, from the start, with a nice guy, who is still in agony, from the last relatinship, is a tall order. Very tall! But its your only option.
sparticuss Posted December 13, 2005 Posted December 13, 2005 I am willing to commit to a woman that is worth commiting to. Very few woman are worth commiting to. The ones that come with nothig but pain sure arent! And I've been trying to explain this to oxo. Quite a few are actually worth committing to. I have a name for them. I call them Mrs. Can't belme the guys who snapped them up as fast as they did either.
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