citygirl17 Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 I was lucky enough to stumble onto this forum as I have found myself in this situation as the OW. Here's my story.... MM was my boss for the last year and we always got along really well and it was the first job I'd ever had that I didn't hate. It wasn't the most challenging but the people at this company are truly great and it's a wonderful place. A huge part of that was MMBoss. I knew he was married and never ever entertained thoughts of him and I together and we never spent time together outside of work. I only thought of him as my boss and a friend. There were times that I didn't even think he liked me as well as the others in our group. He had more repoire with them and I was the new kid on the block. But I enjoyed listening to his stories when he'd come by and did my best to fit in. Fast forward to early this November. He announces that he's leaving at our department meeting; moving for a job and his last day will be before the holiday. I am stunned and go back to my desk and burst into tears. Uncontrollable sobbing. Now I've always had an issue with people I like and care about leaving me. So I figure it's that stuff. I don't stop sobbing like that for a week and can’t figure out why I’m going to miss him so much. ( we can get into that later) We have a department outing the following Friday evening, kind of a going away for him. There’s the usual sorting out of carpools and the like and it ends up that he will pick me and one other co-worker up at my house in the morning and go in together. This serves another purpose in that he wants to make sure that I am able to run the work programs from my computer at home because now that he’s leaving I am the new back up person. So, cut to the outing, a pro basketball game, and we are all having a good time etc and things start to wind down and he mentions to me that we should go out after this and have another beer and I think, ‘Hey! that’s cool’ because I want to spend as much time with him as possible and I’m assuming that others are invited and I mention to two of the others in the group. Well, no plans are discussed and he takes me and the other co-worker back to my house and she leaves and he comes up to check the computer stuff. Then we go out and that’s where things start to get weird. I’m going to skip most of the details of the evening and cut to the part where he brings me home and thanks me for going out and we hug and then he kisses me and professes his feelings. He tells me that he’s been pining for me for a year. He tells me how attracted to me he is and how beautiful, sexy and hot I am. How he’s wanted to do something about it so many times but knew that it would be bad because I was a direct report. He also tells me that the decision to leave was so difficult mostly because he would be leaving me and how much he’s going to miss me and how now he won’t have anyone to talk to. This all occurs while we are making out on my floor, and the couch; while I cry in his arms and tell him that I can’t believe he’s leaving and that I feel like I’ve known him my whole life and he says he feels the same. He finally leaves at 4AM and tells me that he wants to spend more time with me while he’s still here and that now he really has a reason to come back and visit. Now, a few things have transpired since then. We did see each other a few times, but we never really talked about anything, except the night we almost had sex. ( That’s another story for another post as well) When he told me that he and his wife were just good friends and that most of the friction in the marriage comes from lack of sex. Now he is now gone and starts his new job this week. We did not have a good-bye that I feel resolved anything. In fact I figured that he was done with me and that was that and then when he arrived he sent me a text message saying he made it and I replied with a ‘hooray, you made it’…nothing big or revealing. Since then I’ve applied a strict policy of NC and it’s been crickets and tumbleweeds from him. So I still don’t know what will happen next and I dread the phone call and I desire it at the same time and I don’t know how long I will be able to wait for the dust to settle before I give in and call him. But regardless of that I would like to see what any of you might think of how this came about and what he might be thinking. Thanks.
damwinston Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 welcome to NC world. I just entered it myself. It sucks. Like right now when my dog is hurt and needs surgery - well who do you think that i want to call? :mad: :mad: :mad: dammy
Sami_D Posted December 15, 2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Well it sounds like it was some kind of one night stand that didn't really result in sex... and now he's gone. I think that what he told you about the pining etc. was just so much BS... and now that he's moved away, there's nothing left... I don't know what else to say. Are you missing him? Or just wondering what happened..?
Citygirl17 Posted December 15, 2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Sami D, thanks for your reply. The more I think about it the more I'm inclined to agree that a lot of the things he said were about getting me into bed. But I also know that there was some truth in the things he said to me. ( I left a lot of stuff out of the post for the sake of brievity) I have a year of evidence to mull over. I can probably change 'pining' to 'lusting' though. I do miss him. He was a great boss and our daily gab sessions were very important to me and this boring job just isn't the same without him here. But I also know that if his 'feelings' for me were as strong as he claims then he would have spent this last year figuring out how to end his marriage or truly do the right thing and keep his mouth shut. I'm not as confused and hurt as I was while he was still here. We've had limited communication since he left. I've really done a lot of soul searching and reading posts here and on gloryb.com and that has helped me to just get on with it and not initiate contact with him. And I think it will just fade itself out. Which although it's the right thing and the best thing for me for sure, I still really feel sad that I have to give him up totally to the gods of the lost. He really brought sunshine into my life as my friend.
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