AltplanB Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 People on this site tell me that you should be greatful for the experiance and should learn from it. That you should grow to be stronger and be able to have a new outlook as well as a new guidance system for falling in love. Something I don't understand however, is how do you become a stronger person without becoming bitter, without just getting a stronger barrier and not letting people be able to hurt you. I don't want to be the doormat again, i don't want to have my feelings crushed because someone just has a change of heart all of a sudden. However, I want people to see the sensitive person that i am and how supportive and caring i can be. I guess im asking, "How do you grow from a crushing break-up without dooming future ones to fail because of a fear of rejection?" I want to grow. WELL first i want to get her out of my head. I can't believe she did this to me. Anyways, what are your opinions?
Craig Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 You go through stages of recovery, sometimes several at the same time. Eventually you start to feel better and if you learn from your experience you won't repeat ALL of the same mistakes a second time. Just don't keep doing the same things, in the same order over and over again but expecting a different result.
downcydeguy Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 I understand exactly what you're saying. There's a Kelly Clarkson song called "Because of You" that explains it somewhat. I, too, have been completely crushed and will not allow it to happen again. I feel that there's a lot of luck involved when it comes to finding true love, and if the luck is bad, (like you and I both being crushed) we now have a forcefield around us against other women. I won't say that I'll never fall in love again because I don't know that. However, because of what I'm going through right now, the future love won't be as pure and strong. I will forever have my defense on. For now, we just have to concentrate on making it through each and every day by ourselves. If somebody else shows up at some point, fine. I know I'm just not ready to try dating again.
chocolate_boy Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 You know what, I've been through my fair share of heartaches, the recent one was about number 5 I think! And no, they don't get any easier, after splitting with my ex fiance in 2002 I didn't date for another 2.5 years it took me that long to get over it, then late 2004 I felt finally ready to be with someone again (actually said to my friend that I'd like a girlfriend) then two weeks later I met and got with my recent girl late last year and we split in late Sept so and once again that awful pain came back... Sucks cos it took me that long to feel ready and then it happened all over again, felt like the 2.5 years alone were a waste and I learnt nothing, and chose badly... But it does get better, and it will again take me some more time (hopefully not another 2 years!) to get over it... But it's part of life I'm afraid, the only alternative is to be on your own for ever. You will meet someone else, and there's a very strong chance (sorry to say this) that your next relationship will end too and you'll again feel like this, but you gotta kiss a few frogs before you meet the one who deserves to be with you for good.
Author AltplanB Posted December 11, 2005 Author Posted December 11, 2005 but what about the person you become versus the person you were? Maybe she was the one that wouldn't work with you...so do you really want to change to be the person you think would be better suited? I see her qualities but i ask myself if i could really become like that and if so, would i be happy. Im trying to get on SSR's but i dunno if that will help either. I guess i just dont want to turn into a jerk and use women. I also don't want to be an emotionless person that ends up just hurting womens feelings. I hate that, it like kills me to see a woman crying. Anyways, i want to be sensitive but i don't want to be a doormat again.
lilmoma1973 Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 I guess you live and learn from your expierence of how you treat women and go on and try not to be that way you was before in the next relationship!! We all love and have lost and we chalk it up as expierence of how you should really treat a women and learn from what you did and didn't do !! Good luck:)
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