dumbojumbo Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 hi all, i am new to the forum. I am currently involved with a married woman and i need some advices. This woman is a Co-worker of mine. I admit I like her very much when i first saw her, and I started to like her even more after working with her for the last 8 months. Since we are living in the same neighborhood, I often take public transportation with her or drop her off whenever i drive, but that is nothing more of just being a gentleman. However she started acting strangely when she would call her husband to pick her up right in front of me. so i thought she mistakenly thinks i am into her. I decided to back off and stopped leaving work together. But that's how it changed our relationship. She then suddenly flirted with me at work like making those serious eye contact, accidentally body contact and twirling her hair when we talked. She even told me i am a very attractive man and asked me if she could ride with me after work. I've been driving her home every day since and I didn't do anything inappropriate while taking her home. I really enjoy just being with her because i have found a lot common ground between us. I am hesitating to get more involved with her only because she is married and i don't know if she is using me. Last thursday she joked about cooking for me and the next day she really did bring me a home-made lunch and a home-made soup. I really feel she likes me a lot after this, and my question is should i get involved with her more seriously when i know she really has a feeling for me?
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 I am suggesting that you not get 'involved' with her. Next time she flirts with you, gently tell her that it really isn't a good idea and that you're sure her husband wouldn't appreciate her flirting with you. She may be into you, or maybe just looking for some attention...Maybe some needs aren't getting met at home and that is bringing on the flirtation. Have a read of some threads in this section - I really don't think you want to be in the middle of a mess, get yourself hurt and involved with someone who is married. Emotionally or physically.
Milo Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Man, this situation doesn't sound too good. And all of this is happening at work, too. Have a heart to heart talk with her about her husband, relationships, marriage, your past girlfriends, etc. Get an idea of what is going on in her life and see if you can help her stay on the right path. That's what a good friend would do. In the mean time, go out and find a girlfriend! That'll help you get your mind off of that shizzle.
Craig Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Yikes. You both work at the same place too? The best advice is do what ever you have to NOT to become involved with her unless you love pain and would like to end up jobless and lose self respect and friendships when people find out. They always find out. Whatever you do, don't find yourself in a place or situation where things could go farther than a smile. We don't want you back on here in 6 months crying about how you don't know how your penis slipped into her, her husband found out, you and/or she got fired, some of your friends dumped you, she won't talk to you anymore and says she wants to work on her marriage. Don't take my word for it. Read the stories of pain and suffering throughout this section. Oh and it won't be different this time. Best of luck.
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 If she was single and available, I would say go for it and don't worry about the work situation. Many people get involved with eachother from work - And it works out fine. But, in your case, I stand by what I said and agree with the others...Be a friend to her, suggest she focuses that energy into her marriage and doesn't try to 'flirt' or come on to you...
Grinning Maniac Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Milo, I think that would be a very, very bad idea. AFAIK, the majority of extramarital affairs begin by the cheating spouse confiding in the OM about their problems. He likes this woman. She apparently has an interest in him as well. There's no way that their talks in such matters would remain plutonic for very long. You're telling him to play with matches and gasoline. Dumbo, do not get involved with this woman. Please. Just leave her be. Stop driving her home. This is a bad idea. You know it is. You dont really need a bunch of peopel on a message board to tell you that unless you're hoping we'll tell you to follow what the lizard portion of your brain is suggesting. Think about it. What kind of a question are you asking? You KNOW that the logical answer here is "No." There is no good reason for you to "take this relationship further". If you were married, would you be happy if you found out some guy was asking such a question in regards to your wife? Wake up, man. Nothing good will come of this. You know where this is going to go just as well as we do. If you don't want to be the kind of low-life douchebag who fools around with another guy's wife, then STOP. You know this is not right. Yes you like her. Whatever. So does her husband. Who are you to step into that? You wouldn't like it if the situation put you in the other guy's shoes...so don't go being the jerk just because you could get a few rolls in the hay. Pussy isn't worth damaging innocent people is it? Last time I checked, pussy was quite plentiful in the land... Walk away. Stop driving her home. Decline the food. Don't start having heartfelt chats about your love lives. You two are not friends. At least not anymore. A true friendship cannot exist wherein one or both people want to take things "further". That's not a friendship. That is a ****ing time bomb. Be a man and WALK AWAY.
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 A friendship cannot exist wherein one or both people want to take things "further". That's not a friendship. That is a ****ing time bomb. Be a man and WALK AWAY. Words like those SCREAM out! Good advice GM!
Author dumbojumbo Posted December 11, 2005 Author Posted December 11, 2005 Somewhere in my heart i feel that is not right to get "involved" with her. I expect all these criticisms from all of you because it is just plain wrong in our society to hurt other people's life when you are involving with a married person. But most people are just concern about sex involved. I believe there is a relationship exists without sex and physical contact. As i said before, we two are a grown up individuals, and we have not done anything inappropriate. Do i want to touch her, kiss her or take it further? Of course i do, but i know it is wrong so i did not do it. But you can't stop your mind from doing it. If thoughts are crime, that i have already committed murder and other hateful crimes on my mind thousand times. The fact is we have never spoken anything about love or relationship whatsoever. We just chat about traveling, works related questions and cooking. I never ask nor i have any interest knowing her current status. I just need to come here to see if anyone has more insightful and interesting comments on this topic.
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Maybe it's not a physical thing...Yet. But there is definately some feelings involved which kinda makes it an emotional affair. Thoughts are thoughts...Just DO NOT CROSS the line. Sadly though, you have sort of and so has she. By flirting and opening the door a crack... Friends don't wanna bang eachother. (or if one does, and they want to keep the friend around, they don't say a word)
Author dumbojumbo Posted December 11, 2005 Author Posted December 11, 2005 emotional affair, i think that is the word i am looking for when i meant "take the relationship further" i never intended to take it to the next level like dating and having sex. That is a lot of things going on with my life like a career for example and i can devote my energy into it. I have been with many women before so it is not like i am losing her is the end of the world. But she definitely is the one i am looking for all along, unfortunately she is a off limited item. Sometimes when she bumps into me and i wanted to do the same but have to held back because i don't really want to get it further not because of afraid of hurting her family but hurting our current relationship. I know if i started to get physical and our relationship is going down south after.. By the way, the bumping and stuff all occurs at work with other colleagues around. We are very well behave when we two are alone. So i guess she wants to have an "emotional affair" too. And yes i do believe we are both playing with fire and should have stopped.
Milo Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Pussy isn't worth damaging innocent people is it? Last time I checked, pussy was quite plentiful in the land... Ha ha ha! Good one.
Sami_D Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 dumbojumbo... my Affair started off the same way. He was (is) married, and as I wasn't looking for a relationship back then (I'd been in a really bad one and didn't think I'd ever want another relationship again!) I fooled myself, thinking that we could just be friends and enjoy conversation, etc. Much like you and MW... you're into work, not desperate for a relationship... it's just some fun and platonic enjoyment... But feelings get involved... somehow much more so when you're not thinking of it going anywhere particular. So please don't think you can keep a lid on this. There really isn't a way that this will remain what it is at the moment. It can't do, despite what you might believe. To someone reading this story, you're sounding vulnerable, and she sounds determined. Either it will get more involved (even if it is 'only' an EA, that will still hurt), or you can make her understand that you mean it when you want it to be a friendly/work colleague situation only, and then (after a period of her trying harder to take it further) she'll eventually back off. This is because (to my mind) she's using you for a little outside fun in her M without considering what that might do to you... and that can only mean that you'll end up on the outside getting hurt.
travellingman Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 jumbo, whatever you do don't drink around her, because that might lead to something happening too soon, which can f*ck everything up. Ten minutes of fun is not worth months of agony later.
Author dumbojumbo Posted December 11, 2005 Author Posted December 11, 2005 jumbo, whatever you do don't drink around her, because that might lead to something happening too soon, which can f*ck everything up. Ten minutes of fun is not worth months of agony later. well, thanks for your advice. Again it is not about SEX, why so many people only worry about it? To me the emotional boundary is much more important than this so called ten minutes fun. If i want to have sex, i will find someone single and available. And i don't drink.
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 well, thanks for your advice. Again it is not about SEX, why so many people only worry about it? It opens the door abit and sex could happen later in the future, especially if the feelings are mutual and growing. ARE you attracted to her? DO you really want to be in put in a situation where something could happen and it will be so difficult for both of you to stop and walk away from? The emotional damage can be just as a bad as having sex.
Grinning Maniac Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 And yes i do believe we are both playing with fire and should have stopped. Should have? Hello? It's not too late, genius. Stop driving the bitch around and having her make you soup. Hur-hur.
honestly2 Posted December 21, 2005 Posted December 21, 2005 Maybe think about this one again. You are probably doing something inappropriate if she is married...be honest, would her husband agree with you?
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