wezol Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Okay, I have been techincally "dating" this girl since last May. We have never become official but we do love eachother. Note: I am away at college Today the girl Im dating said she is going to a club with some people from work, to dance. I am a very jealous person at nature, and for reasons I cant help (bad past relationships). I tried to just keep my cool and act like I didnt care. I asked if she was gonna do any freak dancing and depends on the outfit. That she cant do it well unless she is wearing a skirt. I did add that I dont know how much I would appreciate her doing that in a skirt, but I didnt go into it any further than that, and started talking about something else. Now I know that we arent official, and that she can technically do whatever.....so what are some things that I can get in my head to not get jealous? How can I just be chill, should I really care that much? I do know that she loves me.....and I do love her.....how can I deal with this? Should I just not ask about it when she gets home and calls me? What is the best way to act so that I dont push her away?
justsomeguy Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Is this your first year at college after you knew her in high school?
Author wezol Posted December 11, 2005 Author Posted December 11, 2005 I met her at a friends graduation party last May. Yes this is my first year in college and she is a Senior in HS
loveheart59 Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Your a very tolerant guy arent you? On one hand if you havent officially asked her out then you cant really tell her what and what not to do, on the other if she really "loved you" then she would have no desire to rub her genitals on some other micsellaneous guys penis "if she has her skirt on":( . Assuming she does dirty dance with guys, where is the boundary before she tells them to stop? I think she needs to know how you feel, either you need to make this relationship concrete or forget about what shes doing and try to work on your insecurities. For the record the majority of men dont want the girl they love getting close to other guys so the feelings totally normal. Ive got a fee4ling your just avoiding getting your feeling hurt by getting into anything serious.
SuperMonk Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Yo man, girls need to know if you are going to be their boyfriend or just a friend. Don't blame her or get jealous if she decides to go find someone else serious.
Author wezol Posted December 11, 2005 Author Posted December 11, 2005 The non-exclusive thing is her idea, I want to be official.
HowStupidAmI Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Since the non-exclusive thing is her idea, I think there's one logical course of action. Go out, flirt with other girls. Date them. Make sure she notices but make sure it doesn't look like it's 'in her face'. Heck, you actually only need to talk to a girl and with the right body language it'll make your girlfriend jealous regardless of what you're actually saying. This will have a number of effects; 1) It will increase your own self-confidence, which is probably at the root of the jealousy issue. 2) It will give you an opportunity to flirt with / date girls without really caring so much about the outcome, which will also help with the jealousy. 3) It will make your girlfriend realise you're attractive to other women and the non-exclusive thing has a negative side to it from her perspective too. 4) It will make you appear more confident, masculine and less insecure about the relationship. Basically, jealousy = insecurity = male equivalent of ugliness. I know since you are naturally insecure this will go against your own instinct which will be to tell the girl how much you love her and how you want the relationship to be 'exclusive'. Sadly, that only actually works in the movies, because 99% of women just aren't wired that way. They're basically designed to try and repeatedly push you to behave submissively, because it's their biological mechanism for determining if you're a suitable mate capable of protecting them (since there are no sabretooth tigers or duels to the death they can use instead nowadays). Ironically, if they succeed, they'll find you unattractive, and they won't even know why if you ask them. Your huge mistake was agreeing to the non-exclusive thing when you didn't want to do it yourself, because this is a hugely submissive thing to do. But by behaving as I mentioned above it's possible to remedy this. Now the final important bit; while doing this you need to watch how jealous *she* gets, and when this happens, then turn on the 'nice guy' stuff to reaffirm the good parts about your relationship. For example, go on a date with another girl, but the next day call your g/f instead and lay on a bit of 'she was really nice, but...'. Walk the line between making her jealous and cheating on her, but don't cross it.
DuranDuran Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 This reminds me so much of my first year of college....LOL. If a girl is non-commital.....its a bad sign. You can try to make her jealous but it may backfire. My college girlfriend wasn't that interested either....needless to say it didn't work out years later. I really wish I could have those years of so-called commitment back now. I suggest going out with the guys...party up...and meet some new girls. College only last 3 or 4 years for most of us. Take advantage of the opportunities to meet new women while you can. If she's the one, she may come back around and if not, that cute redhead or blonde in your psych class may turn out to be alot more fun. Duran.
Author wezol Posted December 12, 2005 Author Posted December 12, 2005 I just realized that I put up with entirely too much in this relationship. I realized that I stopped taking care of myself and put others before me, and now its catching up to me, and I feel as I am about to have a breakdown. I am the worst I have been in a long time. Ill explain later, right now its hard to type as I have 8 stitches in my hand.
Cecelius Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 The non-exclusive thing is her idea, I want to be official. Sorry about the stitches. This statement above tells you all you need to know. When a girl does not want to be exclusive, she is basically saying that for you to get wrapped up in bad jealous feelings is your problem. And she's right. Most young girls lie to you and tell you they love you, etc., then go off and do this kind of stuff anyway. She gave you fair warning. It's not cheating (as skanky as it is) because she's not your girlfriend.
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