oss91 Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 OK, here it goes. My girlfriend of a little more than 6 years last night told me she wanted some space. Our relationship, like any, has had its ups and downs, but the downs never seem to last very long. I went over to her parents house for dinner last night and after dinner we talked. I have noticed in the past couple of weeks that her actions and her personality around me had started to change a bit, so I knew something was definitely up. I didn't get completely blindsided by her decision, which is good. I am 22, she is 19, and she is just having some doubts about what she wants in her life. We had gone to a wedding a couple of weeks ago and apparently that got her thinking about marriage. Now she has been dropping hints about possibly getting married in a few years, and I always joke with her about it. So last night she said that she needs some space and some time to think. All last year I was studying in Hong Kong, so both of us had as much space as we could possibly have. She's just now saying that she wants to make sure that I am the one she wants. That's fair enough, and I want her to know without a doubt that if our relationship is to continue that she is 100% certain about it. So now I'll give her the space and time she desires. She kept saying how she can't stand the thought of losing me for good, but how she is really just uncertain. I don't know if her friends are pressuring her to date other people, or if she just believes that she is missing out on something. It is still weird though because we have a formal to attend next Saturday, and she called this morning and asked if she and her family were still invited over to my parents house Christmas evening. I am confused as hell, but I am able to see her reasoning. We're from the same town. It's just weird because we go to school in different cities (an hour and half apart), and so she already has some space. I don't know, maybe she just doesn't want to feel guilty about going on dates with other guys, so that's why we're now taking a break. It is no fun, but like I told her last night, she has to figure this out for herself. I'm trying not to sit around and pout about it, but it is kind of depressing. I'm not going to sit around and wait forever. Any advice?
porsche_2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Sometimes ppl r confused in their life. They want time figure out things. Sometimes they take good things for granted and when they get bored they want to have so called "space". This happened to me too. And the last two weeks have been really hard on me but I am trying to move on. You should do the same. Don't waste ur time waiting for her. If she was worth it she would have never asked for time alone. Remember, if they really liked/loved you they would have never asked you to stay away. Have a good heart and stay away from ill feelings towards her. And move on. This will help:) take care
djrdei Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 oss91, my girlfriend gave me the same speech today that she wants some space. It really hit me hard and I have the feeling its overwith. She said if she feels like it she may call me in a few weeks to determine what she wants. I am devistated because this relationship is going the exact same way as my first one did, and looks like its ending the same way too. I dont have any advise for you, infact im looking for some advise of my own. Women, cant live with them or without them.
Author oss91 Posted December 11, 2005 Author Posted December 11, 2005 I know it's not the end of the world, and I am trying to stay pretty optimistic about everything. I know things will turn out all right in the end - regardless of her decision - but it is still hard to get dumped and rejected. Although she said last night that she wasn't dumping me, but then again I don't want to wait around and be here only if she doesn't find someone else. That's pretty weak and very lame. We'll see what happens.
Milo Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 I think most if not all of us split with our high school and early college girlfriends and boyfriends. Try to keep it amicable and you can be friends. Who knows, you might hook up again later? Or not. The fact of the matter is that you are both very young.
Author oss91 Posted December 11, 2005 Author Posted December 11, 2005 Yeah we are young and I realize that. But then again, I am not so sure that I will ever get old. But now I am completely confused. She just called and asked me to go to church with her tomorrow morning. I am getting so many mixed signals, and have no idea what to do. I did tell her that I thought about it, and when she asked me to give her a call tomorrow morning and let her know I said that she needs to call me. I'm not going to initiate any contact with her. I thought I knew how to deal with women, but right now I have absolutely no clue what to do.
westernxer Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 She just called and asked me to go to church with her tomorrow morning. Doesn't mean she wants you back. She just wants a friend to accompany her.
Author oss91 Posted December 11, 2005 Author Posted December 11, 2005 That's exactly what I was thinking. Her little brother has to do something at church and she just doesnt want to sit alone. I'll ask her tomorrow if she ends up calling why she wants me to go. To be with me or simply because she doesnt want to go alone.
westernxer Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Trust me, she isn't doing this for your sake.
Milo Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Man, I sure would hope that church duties would end with the girlfriend leaving. Maybe the friendship thing should take a pass.
rastafari Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 she 19. its just starting 19,20,21...they are crazy at this age man. what she is thinking is maby there is possibly someone else out there. she doesnt know becuase she has always been with you. act as if you dont care, dont call her, amke contact,etc. when she sees that you arnt contacting her she will most likley come runnning back when she relizes that she might be actually loosing you.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 See if this thread helps. She could be going through the same process and has hit the 'space' stage of the game. You'll see my post there from when I was going through the same thing - I recalled a long term relationship I was on the way out of and at the time I was 20-21. Took a long time for that final break. Might help to see it from the other side - it ain't pretty, but maybe it can give you some insight on what to do next.
rastafari Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 yea, read that. thats a great explaination. being the dumpee, i heard the some of the same lines and felt like this is a good perspective of the dumper.
Author oss91 Posted December 12, 2005 Author Posted December 12, 2005 you know its just funny. she goes from talking almost constantly about me proposing to her - which i always have told her i am nowhere ready to do, but maybe one day - to her saying she wants some space. maybe she just really wants to get married and dammit, i am not going to be ready for at least another five years. though i was starting to feel pressured. but then again maybe its because for 4.5 out of the 6 years we've been hanging out, i've always been exploring other possibilities and flirting with other girls. never to the point of no return, but ive always kept an eye out for something better. maybe im a jackass and subconsciously wished something better would come along but didnt want to break up with her. after all, i enjoyed her company and the sex. in the end, i know this will be fine.
travellingman Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 My wife gave me the same speech six months after we started dating. I said the same thing back to her six months after we were married.
rastafari Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 you know its just funny. she goes from talking almost constantly about me proposing to her - which i always have told her i am nowhere ready to do, but maybe one day - to her saying she wants some space. its the age brosive. i have heard similar things. "i want to watch you grow old" to "i think i need to explore myself" within a week, mabey even less. then it was over. she is just confused what the hell she wants like most girls at that age, or people in general. im 21 and dont know what the hell i want, so i guess i cant really talk. she wants to see if the grass is greener, it it sort of seems like you want the same or are curious. maby you two could give it a try. if so i bet you 2 will get back together when you figure out its not all that grand. then one of you two will be jelious because the other would have selpt with someone else and so on and so forth. i can read the future.
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