notsojazzy Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 First of all, I apologize for the lengthiness of my post. Please though, I ask that you read it if you have the time and offer any advice you can. My question to the forum is: Am I dumped? Or, should I dump her? After an 8 month happy relationship (myself, 21, attending my 4th year at university and my girlfriend, 18, upgrading highschool) my girlfriend last evening, after inviting me into her house, told me that I was childish and that she needs her space. She told me to leave at once. Needless to say, I was fairly shocked. The background to the fight was that evening, we were at my house with my family and I got into a dumb fight with my mother. I stormed off and went downstairs to my room, leaving my girlfriend with my brothers, mother and sister-in-law upstairs. I was in a terrible mood that night as my girlfriend had been drinking and quite frankly, was acting like a total bitch to me. Poking my sides, or kicking me or making fun of me. I asked her to stop repeatedly, but she was not in a listening mood. I was stressed out and as a result, lashed out at my mother who, too had been drinking a fair bit. I wasn't in the mood to deal with it, so I had a quick fight with my mother at which point I went downstairs. As far I was concerned at the time, yes I had yelled at my mother, but my girlfriend should apologize to me for how she was acting. However, this did not come to be. She came downstairs and started lecturing me that I should not fight with my mother and that I should treat her with more respect and, here is the good part, that the way I treat my mother is the way I will treat my girlfriend and that she cannot deal with that. I was in total shock. I asked her what she thought of her behaviour and she essentially ignored me and went upstairs telling me to think of what I had done. While I pondered this turn of events, she came back down and said we will talk in the car (my brother, sister-in-law, girlfriend and myself were all going to a movie). We get to the car, at which point she says she apologized to my mother for my behavior and then promptly put on her headphones and listened to her discman until we arrived at the theatre. I was mortified and furious at her incorrigible behaviour. We sit through the movie, after which letting my anger settle down I am more than willing to talk about what happened, and she is silent until we arrive at her house. She invites me in and then I am sent away. I was so, so shocked. In the entire evening, she would not allow me to say one word on my behalf. She dismissed me like I was a troubled student at school, even going so far as to apologize to my mother for my behavior. I felt humiliated and ignored, like I didn't even know this girl. We have shared so much and have had a relatively trouble-free relationship. What makes me even more upset is the way she labels my mother when we are alone as an alcoholic and addicted gambler and a menace to our relationship or conversely as a nice person to talk to. I'm confused, hurt and feeling more than a little dismissed. What should I do?
slubberdegullion Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 I'm confused, hurt and feeling more than a little dismissed. What should I do? I don't blame you one bit for feeling a bit off-balance. Mixed messages from a S/O are the bane of a relationship. My advice would be to go NC (no contact) on her immediately. And when I say NC, I mean 100% pure, unadulterated, no-holds-barred NC. Don't send her emails or respond to hers. Don't mail her anything (unless you have some stuff of hers, then send it back). Don't call. Don't take calls from her. As far as you are concerned, she is history. Good luck.
gfto Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 I only needed to read the first few sentences of your post. When she uses the word "space," you're finished. Yes, you've been dumped. Forget about her.
Kengne II Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Does it always have to be so complicated? Has no one here ever had a fight, and said stupid things they later regret? IMO it was a stupid fight. I wouldn't take her words too seriously, as it was said in the heat of the moment (as opposed to out of the blue, calmly & rationally). I would however do NC for a few days... let her simmer, don't contact her but do respond to her contact when she does initiate *which she will*. Frankly - I'd be a little shocked at how you were acting towards your mother, if I was her too! My ex used to go on crazy like that towards his mom, and it scared me. I wasn't surprised when two twos down the road, he began speaking to ME in that SAME manner! K.
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