mustangcobra06 Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 I need advice. I want to break up with my girlfriend, we've been together for about a year and a half. Everytime i hint a break up, she'll start crying extremely hard,she'll get all choked up and i just cant handle her crying,so i back down on the break up. Is there an easy way to do this? I want to be single and be able to do things on my own, being with her doesnt allow that. I really need to end our relationship.
Brittanyjean06 Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 breaking up with someone can be difficult , you can't stay with her so she doesn't get upset...you need to talk to her calmy and tell her you know its going to hurt her, but you want to move on. there really is no easy way to do this, you might feel like a bad guy for doing it...but you can't help your feelings, or change them. im sure everyone will have the same opinion
witabix Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 Yes I would back up Brittanyjean's post. Tell her calmly and without any anger or blame. Let her react in her own way. Makes sure she understands you are saying goodbye. Try to explain why you feel like you do, but if she will not listen you can do no more. Do not be emotionally blackmailed into staying with your g/f. I am assuming there are no other ties, such as kids, mortgages or bank loans/accounts?
solsystem Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 Wow mustangcobra06, I am going through the exact same thing. I feel better just seeing your post! It's been tough for me emotionally too, I am a sensitive guy, and when I see my GF cry, I get pulled back in. I need to follow everyone's advice here as well. PM me mustang if you'd like to talk more. By the way, I think this is a fantastic forum. I am new here, so greetings to everyone!
Brittanyjean06 Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 welcome! you guys who are in this situation why are you breaking it off? no more feelings?
Breakinguptoo Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 I am in the process of breaking up with my live-in GF. We have been together for about a 1 1/2. Quite frankly although I did not feel the urge to move on to other relationships, I knew in my heart that she was not the girl for me. My GF wanted to get married, and it was an easy way out for me when this issue came up, and I could tell her that I simply was not ready to get married. She then felt that she could not wait any longer for me, and needed to move on. Therefore we bascially mutually decided to move on. In the past when I had tried to address issues about her that upset me, she would also cry, and make me feel guilty and sad. Although I am sad that we are breaking up, I know that it is the best thing for both of us.
renaissancewoman101 Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Personally, I think breakups are the nastiest, cruellest things. Sometimes, I am so freaking appalled at the simple reasons guys use to break up with a girl and destroy them emotionally. Personally, I think, if you are a guy and if girls have broken up with you in the past, you should have the empathy to understand that BREAKUPS ARE NASTY EMOTIONAL CRAP. I also think that you should understand that there should always be chances given, esp when the woman tells you that they understood what was wrong and want so much to make it right again. We all make mistakes, we all dont know everything. I just dont understand how someone can forget all the good times that have happened to the couple, all the love, all the care, and just walk away from it knowing that someone is left with a broken heart and a sad soul. That is just so cruel. Yes, I think breakups s*ck big time. I think guys take the easy way out when it comes to breakups with women. I also think guys have no empathy for a women whatsoever, even those guys who have been dumped by others in the past. I also hate it when guys say it is the "best thing for the both of us". How can you say those words knowing that you just broke the heart of someone who loved and cared for you and wanted a future with you. How can you say those things NOT knowing if that REALLY was the best thing for your ex. That is so selfish and insincere. You have no idea what your SO is thinking in their heads. Sometimes, maybe if you did let them in on it, things can change for the better. Also, if you guys did "love" the SO, then how can you just break up without giving things a try, trying to work things out????? Esp. if the sig other is extrememly sorry for what happened and is willing to work things out. How can you say that you "love" someone or "loved" her and then turn around and break that person's heart down the road when you tell her that oh "I lost my feelings for you". That is such a load of s*it. You guys are so full of it.
chocolate_boy Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Having been on both sides of heartache before I can tell you, it's not ever easy which ever side you're on. I was dumped in September very coldly and out of the blue by my girl of a year over an SMS text message! But she has a history of doing this with guys, she moved on to a new guy 2 days later, so it's certainly not a "guy thing". I've been in the situation before where I've called off relationships too, sometimes the feeling just isn't there, and it's just lying to your partner pretending you feel something when you don't anymore, there is nothing worse than telling someone you love them when you don't feel like you do anymore... It saves more pain in the future, trust me.
renaissancewoman101 Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 That probably is true, but once "feelings" are lost, cant ANYTHING be done to try to regain those feelings???? Maybe if you told your partner and then tried to work on it, feeligns can come back. You owe it to each other, if you loved each other, to try and bring those feelings back. In my situation, I lost my feelings for the ex back in Feb but I pulled away from him, became distant, and just ignore him. He tried everything to get it back until Sept when he had enough and he dumped me. I finally woke up and realized what I had done and how much I really did love him and miss him and want him. So I tried my best to get him back. I really did. I am even moving away in the hopes of being able to get him to realize that I am not waiting for him, but then also hoping he will want me again, one day.
solsystem Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 First of all renaissancewoman101, it is unfair to overgeneralize, saying how much you hate men. Don't forget, women have broken men's hearts too! Not all men are evil. There are definately reasons that couples break up that are quite legitimate. My relationship, for example, is showing signs of things that won't work out in the future, not matter how much we both put in. One of the reasons things aren't working out anymore is that my GF cannot understand my closeness with my family. Family is extremely important to me. She studied abroad for 7 months out of our 2 years together, and has made me feel terrible if I wanted to see my family for a just a few days! Her family has divorce all over, and I have never given her any trouble over that. Why should I? I am also dealing with the fact that my family is practically broke. I can no longer afford the rent for the apartment that we live in; and I am trying desperately to make as much money as I can on top of being a fulltime student. I feel this is a pressure she does not deserve. I have been working hard to make things work, and so has she. I mean, living together and being together for 2 years in college is great! How many guys spend their college years screwing around and just trying to get laid? Allmost all of them. I have never been independent, and have always depended on other people. I am trying to be mature about this. I think I should learn how to take car eof myself. This has been extremely difficult to accept -- the relationship I am in now is my first serious and physical one.
renaissancewoman101 Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 I do have one question, once someone loses their feelings for their SO, can they ever bring those feelings back??? With me, I lost my feelings for my SO sometime in Feb and I pulled away from him and treated him badly for a long while until Sept when he decided to dump me. I left him alone for two weeks and realized that I DID love him and care for him and realized that I had let go of something good for me. Then I came back with a passion and tried everything to win his heart back to me. I tried hard. But it was too late. He didnt want to try anymore.
westernxer Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 there really is no easy way to do this... Damn right! Just do it.
chocolate_boy Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 I do have one question, once someone loses their feelings for their SO, can they ever bring those feelings back??? With me, I lost my feelings for my SO sometime in Feb and I pulled away from him and treated him badly for a long while until Sept when he decided to dump me. I left him alone for two weeks and realized that I DID love him and care for him and realized that I had let go of something good for me. Then I came back with a passion and tried everything to win his heart back to me. I tried hard. But it was too late. He didnt want to try anymore. Precisely, you answered your own question. It's better to just end it than put them through un-needed pain.
renaissancewoman101 Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Do you mean the unneeded pain of trying again to rekindle feelings? If both people loved each other, then trying again should not be painful or a chore.
Brittanyjean06 Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 women are also ones who break peoples heart, saying the same things men say to. You can not help how you feel, your feelings change..and some people dont understand why...but you just gotta tell your self well people change and feelings do change to..im sure many guys feel the same as you renasiance about women. some people dont know what they have till its gone, and my ex was a very cold cold person at times- but than changed in to a nice person---it was werid but you gotta do what you gotta do i dumped, and boy did that backfire--but its for the best!
Treasa Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 renaissancewoman, you sound like you're hurting badly. I feel for you, I really do, but I think you're talking more from personal pain than from a rational place. I loved most of my exes. At the same time, some of the relationships just weren't right, and trying to make them work would have been a waste of time and effort. Sometime you have to let go and move on. If their are problems in a relationship, I definitely think they should be addressed to see if things can be fixed, and I think that people should let each other know up front what their personal "dealbreakers" are. For example, my current boyfriend and I have an agreement. He can eat meat (I'm a vegetarian), but I'm not tonguing him until he brushes his teeth, or it's been a couple of hours. He brushes his teeth after every meal anyway, so it's cool. But in the beginning we were really struggling against each other. Ok, I'm starting to ramble here. If a relationship has gotten to the point where you don't want to invest any more time in it, and you really just want to move on, do so quickly and cleanly. Don't leave any doubts. Say, "I'm sorry to hurt you, but I don't want to date you anymore. And I don't plan on changing my mind."
chocolate_boy Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 That probably is true, but once "feelings" are lost, cant ANYTHING be done to try to regain those feelings???? Maybe if you told your partner and then tried to work on it, feeligns can come back. You owe it to each other, if you loved each other, to try and bring those feelings back. Well with my ex fiance who I broke up with a few years ago, we did talk about our "problems" and tried to sort it out for about 4 months until I gave up. With my recent ex its different, as far as I knew we were both happy, but one day we had an argument and she never looked back, she actually did tell me right at the start of our relationship "I don't try and solve problems", so red flag I guess. With my ex-fiance I had no regrets as I geniunely did try as hard as I could to make it work, and with my recent ex she just gave up on a healthy happy relationship, but nothing I could say/do would change her mind.
chocolate_boy Posted December 11, 2005 Posted December 11, 2005 Do you mean the unneeded pain of trying again to rekindle feelings? If both people loved each other, then trying again should not be painful or a chore. You said you pulled away from him and hurt him for months til he left, so you answered your own question, you cannot bring it back when its gone.
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