Frustrated_in_LA Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 yeah but.. Zak is serious. She or He (what gender pronoun do you use Zak?) has made a comitment to her girlfriend, a very serious one. So, she's got to treat it as serious at it should be, no?
RecordProducer Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 You're still a kid! You sound like a nice person and don't need to hurt your girlfriend or yourself by telling her. You may lose her. But if you decide to tell her (are you sure she never cheated on you?), good luck! Regarding sexual orientation, on LS you won't find discriminating comments when asking for advice. You're new here so you don't know us yet.
Walk Posted December 16, 2005 Posted December 16, 2005 Honestly, Walk, I think this all has a lot more to do with the fact that she's only 16 and is way too young to think about marrying anybody. I agree her age is a huge factor, and that the chance of a long and happy marriage are slightly above nil... but I doubt having us tell her she's immature mentally, and not old enough, is going to have any other effect then to make her not want to listen to any more advice. I'm not saying she couldn't do without the warning, but understanding why a person desires marriage sometimes helps in giving advice regarding the situation. If she feels more secure in a marriage, or that it's going to make sure her girl is tied to her, then those are also things that need to be considered. My point though, I've found most people will believe they are justified and right about whatever decision they've already come to. Especially as a teenager, and one who is already feeling outside of societies norms. There's a natural tendency to rebel even further when pushed. So why push the issue? Say it once, give the reasoning, then let her make her choices. In conclusion, I was looking at the situation from a different angle. I already knew the rest of you would jump on the age factor, and hammer that one home.
Author headingfor_doghouse Posted December 17, 2005 Author Posted December 17, 2005 Ok... where to start? How about Frustrated_in_LA? Holy flying monkeys! you wrote me a novel! Now, to answer questions. Yes, I'm into some LGBTQ stuff, like the GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance) at my school and i participate in a lot of GLSEN events. Just to clarify, i'm a girl with no intention of being a guy. Zakariah is an alias i go by... it stems from a bunch of stuff. My name to Myzik to Zikkie to Zik-Zak to Zak to Zakariah. Now, to address the age stuff mentioned. Yes, i know i'm just a kid and i have my whole life ahead of me, but i guess you could call me a type-A'ish person. I like organization and planning, and it drives me crazy when i don't have it. It makes me feel secure when i think of having someone there for the rest of my life, and loneliness is one of my worst fears. She and i just connect on so many levels, and we have since before we started dating. i truly feel that she is the most perfect match for me. no one else could ever measure up to what she is to me. So, there's that bit of info... i guess the next topic would be Walk. No, i can't get married in Virginia. Virginia's the most conservative state in the U.S. Like hell they're going to let two liberal women marry. We're thinking of getting the marriage in Massachusetts and moving to an accepting state. and I don't feel that badly about it anymore, now that i've been talking about it, but i can see how keeping things hidden can cause that kind of damage to a person. Seachange, great analogy! It's horrible to think that gender and race matter so much to some people... Her family hates me for two reasons: i'm a girl dating one of the only girls of her generation aaaaaaaaand i'm black. technically, i'm half-and-half (mom's white, dad's black), but that doesn't really matter to them. hopefully they'll get over it just like my mom's mother got over my mom marrying a black guy and having his kid.
mfmbuddy Posted December 17, 2005 Posted December 17, 2005 >i've always intended to be loyal and dependable, but frankly, i'm scared right now. i'm badly in need of advice. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT...NEVER TELL YOUR GIRLFRIEND!
Author headingfor_doghouse Posted December 19, 2005 Author Posted December 19, 2005 maybe i won't after all... after spending time with her, i realize i don't want to ruin everything for her by telling her, and i'll do fine if i keep this a secret...
Frustrated_in_LA Posted December 20, 2005 Posted December 20, 2005 ... i'll do fine if i keep this a secret... I think you'll be fine, too. I really wish you the best Zak, for you and your marriage. Take care of you. -A
Author headingfor_doghouse Posted December 25, 2005 Author Posted December 25, 2005 i thought i should update since there's been a change. i decided to tell her after new years buuuuuuuuut someone showed her this topic today... needless to say, she got upset. i was out shopping when she came over the first time, but she came back later and we ended up talking for about two hours. we discussed everything (i think), and it ended with us snuggling happily on my bed. i know that our relationship was rattled a bit by this, but i think that love will prevail and we'll be just fine. i'm kind of wondering who sent her the link... but that doesn't really matter. all that matters is that she knows, that i've learned quite a lesson, and that we still love each other no matter what. so i guess this was a happy ending :-) i've been bubbly and gaga about it all night...
Frustrated_in_LA Posted December 27, 2005 Posted December 27, 2005 wow! this is good to hear- not that she found out in the way she did but that you guys are ok. please keep us posted- I'd love to know when you guys finally get hitched. Take care- a
Author headingfor_doghouse Posted December 28, 2005 Author Posted December 28, 2005 we're planning to get hitched on october 21, 2007, but we haven't picked a place yet. of course, it would have to be outside of my state... i hate being a liberal in a conservative state. the closest state that would be willing to have a gay marriage would probably be massachusetts. a lot of stuff is still up in the air - where we're going to live, how big our wedding will be, etc, but we have high hopes for it all.
Frustrated_in_LA Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Zak, I used to live in Boston so if you ever want any tips on neighborhoods to live in or places to go, let me know. take care. 1
Oranges Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 Hello. I'm Zak's fiance. Yes I've read the entire conversation here, and I'm really glad she didn't decide to not tell me. Telling me shows she wanted to be honest and truthful, and wanted to keep this relationship going. It's made all the difference. While I don't really know why she did it, I'm willing to forgive. I'll be keeping a closer eye on her to make sure she doesn't do it again. I plan on marrying her. She is everything to me. I know many of you think that being the ages we are, we are too young to be thinking of marriage. While we may be engaged, we are not getting married next month or anything. We are waiting for Zak to be out of highschool. I am currently trying to transfer to a closer college so I can be closer to Zak. I hate being away from her. Well I'm going to go. Take care everyone. Love you, baby. ~Jay
Recommended Posts