CaliGuy Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 I posted this on another thread and I hope it helps some of you. Know that a breakup happened for a reason and that reason was because there is someone better out there for you. Don't delay finding them by trying to salvage a relationship with someone who isn't right for you. So many of us are sitting here dissecting and analyzing what went wrong when really we should be telling ourselves that it was the wrong person, wrong time. Yes, you need to take time out to recover and go through the grieving process. We all do. But by constantly asking questions of ourselves, we don't allowing the healing process to begin. We need the healing process to start so we can be open to receiving our ideal mate when they come along. There are several posts commenting on people who have other people interested in them but because they're constantly questioning themselves and analyzing why their past relationship failed, they are unable to accept anyone else. I've come to realize this with my Ex. For months, literally, I sat there and tried to figure out why she didn't love me. I dreamed of schemes to get her back. I was disturbed to the point I almost hired someone to try and hack into her email account so I knew who she was talking to and about what. It wasn't until I stepped back and looked at my actions did I understand that I wasn't healing because I was too busy trying to fix something I had no control over. I was so focused on her and what she was doing that it was impossible for me to begin the healing process. I should have been healed way back in June, but instead, six months later, I am starting the process all over again. In that span of time I've met several girls that were interested in me, but I just wasn't emotionally or physically available to them. I was stuck in a rut of despair and asking God why He had done this to me. Last night I found myself thanking God for this experience and what it has taught me. That I know He has greater plans for me. Am I able to move on now? I think so. I have a date tomorrow night. This girl's personality is the opposite of my ex's and much more in-tune with mine. She's a little older than I prefer but that's OK too. I don't have any huge expectations other than to have fun and re-acquaint myself with the guy I used to be. A confident, happy go lucky guy who, while I may be a little opinionated, has a big heart and is indeed worthy of being loved.
SMHappyface Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 I love your attitude Cali - I have recently come to a similar conclusion myself. It's not about trying to prove to my ex that he is a cheater, or that he is a mooch and selfish and immature. At the end of the day he didn't want to be married to me, and no matter how I found out, I can respect that as an adult. If we truly love somebody, we must give that love without any strings, conditions or future. We never know when the best thing we think we have will suddenly end. Often there is no good reason, often we can't make sense of it. But we DO know that it's over. We must move on. Work through it, but dwelling on it only makes the process so much harder. I don't regret loving my ex. I don't regret anything I did for him that told him how much I loved him. I mentally package up these memories and tuck them away for good. There are good times, and for that I will be thankful for. But it's over. Do I want him back? No. Do I miss him? Yes, he was a big part of my life for almost 3 years. It irritates me that he doesn't have a good reason for breaking up with me - he told some people that it was because I didn't do his laundry, and others that I didn't cook for him (both of which I did do as much as I could, but didn't have much time because I was working two jobs). If you did your best in a relationship, you can't have any regrets. I still talk it out, I still cry, but I'm peaceful on how it is now. Maybe in some future life I can see him on the street and be happy for him. I hope he finds happiness because he doesn't seem to know what he wants. *sigh* I guess you never know how life will end up.
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