In Sync Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 It's been said before but the holidays especially as its getting closer towards X-mas and New Year's, some of us are feeling this intense feeling of loneliness. I mean all this cheer and people snuggling left and right...somehow it's backfiring and bringing up the loneliness even more. With my mom having recently passed away I feel like I'm fighting the battle of loneliness on two fronts. Is it me but I see couples everywhere in every single advertisement and commericial, on the streets in bars..so you never see a commercial where anyone is celebrating their singleness. Do You? I feel absolutely scared and lonely here.
Outcast Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 Look again. You're suffering from 'confirmation bias' - the human tendency to seek out evidence that supports a belief. Right now you believe that 'everybody' else is happy, in couples, etc. except you. Next time you go out, consciously look for the solo folks. You'll see lots and lots of people out alone. This is a great time of the year to bury your troubles in doing good for others. Join a group that's delivering Christmas meals or toys - you'll be spending time with other people and seeing folks who are worse off than yourself - and helping to brighten their lives. That can be one of the best ways to forget your own worries.
fomerlyniceguy Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 You don't see any positive images of singleness during this time of the year. I guess you will have to make your own. For some reason the part in the old Mary Tyler Moore show just popped in my head where it says "Love is all around no need to waste it, your gonna make it after all" and she throws the hat in to the air. Totally weird. Think positive ask santa for someone sweet and caring and enjoy the season. I have found I can have a good time by myself. Sart a fire, put some Billie Holiday on, and read a book. I tell you there seems nothing more comforting right now to me than when I do that.
smile95 Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 hey I am right there with you. I am actaully doing better....I am starting to realize that it is over and it is going to be ok. I see I do not need him. I am weening myself away. I have not seen him forever and i am clerly not part of his life except when he sees he is lonely for a minute and he calls. He was not there for me this last week and that hits me hard. I am letting go slowly. Hlidays are hard, but try and take notice of the single people too. They are out there. Just remember that most of those "happy couples" are probably not as happy as they appear. Keep venting and do whatever it takes to not call him. I expect a call soon, but for the first time, I am not responding. I see that he is a selfish man and has no compassion and that is what I have to tell myself. I do not want that man in my future....... Can you go out with friends? Are you still sad? How long has it been now with NC?
brooke7777 Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 This time of the year is a real bummer right now for those of us that are alone. As much as we all know that there are others out there in the same position as us, it just seems like happy couples are everywhere. It really makes me miss my ex. We always had so much fun this time of year. Our anniversary was in December so it was a special month for us combined with the holidays. All of my friends fall into the happy couple category, so it makes it even harder on me. I want to spend time with them, but it just makes me feel more alone.
AriaIncognito Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 I agree, when you are single, all you tend to see, are happy couples. But, as one other poster said, they've been there all along, you just didn't notice them as much when you were one of those happy couples. It's very easy for us to focus on that which we don't have. For many of us here, it's a significant other. For some, it's a parent or relative. For some, it could be a pet. The best we can do for ourselves, is keep busy. Get active. Maybe help others, as another poster mentioned, if you are into that sort of thing. Else, maybe try to find singles groups to do things with. The New year could also be looked upon as a clean slate. Maybe we should all just forget about our lost loves of 2005 and look forward to a better 2006 :-) Gotta have hope. I keep telling myself that. And one day, I'll actually believe it :-). Good luck to you. And you're in Brooklyn. So is my best friend :-) (I'm in NJ) Jennifer
Author In Sync Posted December 10, 2005 Author Posted December 10, 2005 I came upon this other thread, which inspired me alot. I guess it sort of described to the letter exactly my sentiments and probably many many others on this coping thread. It's called "To Those Who Are Coping" created by Heart-stopped. It's really splendid, I highly recommend to all- read it. I suppose I am probably just focusing on the couples because it's out of feeling pity. I don't have "that" anymore and I wish I did. I admit this is the case. And maybe one day I will meet another, only right now my head is still completely wrapped up in this guy and I'm not over him. It would be impossible for me to be comfortable being with any other guy now... I do manage to keep busy but with work...I perform alot (I'm an actress). That does help, it's just when I'm home alone or now as I'm still in the midst of closing up my mom's place, everyday I can't believe she is no longer here..lately, it's like an empty feeling has taken over me.
AriaIncognito Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 Well, hopefully you can take some comfort, that even when you are alone in your home, you do have us out here to talk to. :-) Of course you can't picture yourself with another guy right now, but in time, that will change. I never thought i'd love again after my 4 year, and I did. Now, after my 1 year, I'm feeling that way a little, but I know deep down, that it can, and hopefully will, happen again. :-) Jennifer
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