SMHappyface Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 ARGH! This breakup has screwed with my head. Over the past few weeks I have been with several cute, sweet guys, but the thought of doing anything with them creeps me out. It's not because they are disgusting or anything, and I don't know why I feel like this. It's totally wierd and messing with my head. I'm single, I CAN do anything I want. Why am I so scared? I'm not worried I'll fall in love with them, its just this wall in my head that I can't get over. Do I want to fool around? Yeah, the thought hits me, but it's repulsive. I do and I don't. I can't and I want to. Argh, anybody know what the hell is wrong with me?
chocolate_boy Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 You're not over him yet, that's normal. Slow down and give yourself time.
Sami_D Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 Maybe they're just 'cute, sweet' guys and there's nothing to it but that. Aren't there gazillions of kids who fit that description at your age? What makes any of them stand out..? Don't you think you have reasons to prefer one above the other..?
In Sync Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 ARGH! This breakup has screwed with my head. Over the past few weeks I have been with several cute, sweet guys, but the thought of doing anything with them creeps me out. It's not because they are disgusting or anything, and I don't know why I feel like this. It's totally wierd and messing with my head. I'm single, I CAN do anything I want. Why am I so scared? I'm not worried I'll fall in love with them, its just this wall in my head that I can't get over. Do I want to fool around? Yeah, the thought hits me, but it's repulsive. I do and I don't. I can't and I want to. Argh, anybody know what the hell is wrong with me? There's nothing wrong with you. But you are establishing a pattern of trying to runaway from the hurt you were dealt by the breakup with the ex-fiance. I personally think that you could be trying to rush your emotional state to heal...unfortunately for each of us who are impatient the psychic takes its own sweet time. That's why we all go through different phases. I'm not dating at all but I shop and have become immersed in work. That's my avoidance mechanism. When I'm still, I start feeling sad. There's no rush to "fool around." You're beautiful and from everything you written, one can tell you are a sweet person. SLOW DOWN. There's alway a guy ready to step in when you want, you've no problem with meeting them, so put them on hold. Feel your pain. Confront it...and perhaps put your focus on other aspects of your life which doesn't involve dating. Then you're palette will be clean and ready for a new love.
CaliGuy Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 ARGH! This breakup has screwed with my head. Over the past few weeks I have been with several cute, sweet guys, but the thought of doing anything with them creeps me out. It's not because they are disgusting or anything, and I don't know why I feel like this. It's totally wierd and messing with my head. I'm single, I CAN do anything I want. Why am I so scared? I'm not worried I'll fall in love with them, its just this wall in my head that I can't get over. Do I want to fool around? Yeah, the thought hits me, but it's repulsive. I do and I don't. I can't and I want to. Argh, anybody know what the hell is wrong with me? Believe me, I'm in the same place. I want sex, but when I think about it with someone else it doesn't feel right. Almost downright disgusting. I never felt this way about anyone else, but then again, I was never this deeply in love. I want sex, damn near need it. I even have a booty call if I want it, but that's just it. I can't do it. I just can't. Not right now, that's for sure. I suppose when the pain goes away I'll be able to again. I just want this pain over as quickly as possible so that if I do meet someone else I'll be ready for them.
EnigmaXOXO Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 I don't think you'll ever have to worry about being alone unless you want to be. I actually think it's better right now that you don't want to get deeply involved with anyone right now. It will certainly help prevent the "rebound" scenario, which could ultimately turn out just as bad (if not thought through) and leave you thinking that ALL guys are trouble. Not a whole lot to do about the 'anger' stage except to just allow yourself to work through it. But as far as other interpersonal relationships … just relax, relax, relax. Try to enjoy the friendships and mingling without scaring yourself to death about who the next wolf in sheep's clothing is going to be. Besides, remaining friendly but aloof will give them all the impression that you’re a prize that's worth the challenge.
Author SMHappyface Posted December 9, 2005 Author Posted December 9, 2005 Aren't there gazillions of kids who fit that description at your age? Thanks for calling me a kid - I'll take that as a compliment, but I'm actually 24. Hehehe. Believe me, I'm in the same place. I want sex, but when I think about it with someone else it doesn't feel right. Almost downright disgusting. I never felt this way about anyone else, but then again, I was never this deeply in love. I want sex, damn near need it. I even have a booty call if I want it, but that's just it. I can't do it. I just can't. Not right now, that's for sure. I suppose when the pain goes away I'll be able to again. I just want this pain over as quickly as possible so that if I do meet someone else I'll be ready for them. Thanks for your input Cali - You seem to know exactly what I'm saying. I mean my ex is a dirty-rotten scoundral, but doing ANYTHING with anybody else all I can think of is him. It's not like it's super soon, I mean it's been 2 months, but at the same time is what I need a body or a warm shoulder and a hug? I can honestly say I'm one horney B**ch, but I can also say in my head and in reality are too different things. Could I get it? Of course. I don't understand how some people can break up and jump into bed with another person within hours or days. Perhaps I'm an emotional sap - I guess physical intimacy actually means something to me and that is a part of me I can't give right now, hense the barrier.
Author SMHappyface Posted December 9, 2005 Author Posted December 9, 2005 Besides, remaining friendly but aloof will give them all the impression that you’re a prize that's worth the challenge. Getting it ain't my problem. It's knowing what the heck I want to do with it once I got it! I'm not worried about a deep relationship or even a casual fling. I'm just wondering if my heart has closed forever. I'm not expecting myself to be ready to love again, I'm just wondering why all guys are repulsive!!
CaliGuy Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 Thanks for your input Cali - You seem to know exactly what I'm saying. I mean my ex is a dirty-rotten scoundral, but doing ANYTHING with anybody else all I can think of is him. It's not like it's super soon, I mean it's been 2 months, but at the same time is what I need a body or a warm shoulder and a hug? I can honestly say I'm one horney B**ch, but I can also say in my head and in reality are too different things. Could I get it? Of course. I don't understand how some people can break up and jump into bed with another person within hours or days. Perhaps I'm an emotional sap - I guess physical intimacy actually means something to me and that is a part of me I can't give right now, hense the barrier. I think I like you Yes I agree, I'm horny too. All the time, to be exact. I could use a warm body as well. I loved my ex and sex with her was something deeply loving and intimate. My ex did not love me and sex for her for a physical release, not love. I know that's a bit of role-reversal, but it's the reason why I can't just go and boink someone and feel good about myself. I miss so much being curled up next to her in bed and feeling her warm breath on me, feeling her warm body and that sensation of being "one" with someone. An empty bed is so cold and uninviting to me right now. Maybe I need a blow up doll and an electric blanket to tide me over?! haha.
Author SMHappyface Posted December 9, 2005 Author Posted December 9, 2005 I think I like you Yes I agree, I'm horny too. All the time, to be exact. I could use a warm body as well. I loved my ex and sex with her was something deeply loving and intimate. My ex did not love me and sex for her for a physical release, not love. I know that's a bit of role-reversal, but it's the reason why I can't just go and boink someone and feel good about myself. I miss so much being curled up next to her in bed and feeling her warm breath on me, feeling her warm body and that sensation of being "one" with someone. An empty bed is so cold and uninviting to me right now. Maybe I need a blow up doll and an electric blanket to tide me over?! haha. Aww, you are so wise - I have been giving my toys a good workout and an electric blanket is just the key. I miss the connection, but that's just it - how can you have that connection without a loving relationship? And such a relationship can't happen until your heart has healed and you have moved on emotionally. Arhgph!
Brittanyjean06 Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 god will put someone in your arms, when he knows your ready...dont need to fool around hm masterbate haha
CaliGuy Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 god will put someone in your arms, when he knows your ready...dont need to fool around hm masterbate haha Bah. That's not as much fun as the real thing
Author SMHappyface Posted December 9, 2005 Author Posted December 9, 2005 Ha, nobody can substitute the feeling of a guy's strong arms around you. That they don't have a toy for. I guess what I really need right now is the friendship physical connection - hugs, cuddles, communication. There will be plenty of time for boy toys, but in the wake of a heart-break, who wants that?
JS17 Posted December 9, 2005 Posted December 9, 2005 SM...the hardest thing for me after the breakup was (and still is) the lack of physical affection (i don't mean sex). I made the mistake of trying to get it with someone else and it didn't work. You will find it again, and you're right, now is not the time for boy toys.
Author SMHappyface Posted December 10, 2005 Author Posted December 10, 2005 SM...the hardest thing for me after the breakup was (and still is) the lack of physical affection (i don't mean sex). I made the mistake of trying to get it with someone else and it didn't work. You will find it again, and you're right, now is not the time for boy toys. Lack of physical affection - ok, I have this close guy-friend who I've been friends with for years. Anyways, I'm over at his house watching TV last night and even him TICKLING me (which never bothered me before my ex) was freaking me out. I guess the feeling is not even just sexual related - god knows I don't need a man for that, lol. Or another guy that I really like I talked to for like 3 hours on the phone, but I felt guilty for having such a great time. I mean I'm not even close to looking to have ANY form of sexual involvement with ANYBODY! What I'm worried about is even the innocent stuff - hanging out with my friends, talking to cute guys and even kissing freak me out. I feel like I'm 12 years old and I got my period for the first time. LMAO!
JS17 Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 you'll get used to it sweetie. you just haven't given yourself enough time. some wise people here have told me you'll have to sacrifice a few when you first start getting back into the scene. nobody ever said it was easy. you actutally sound like you're in a pretty healthy place.
Author SMHappyface Posted December 10, 2005 Author Posted December 10, 2005 you'll get used to it sweetie. you just haven't given yourself enough time. some wise people here have told me you'll have to sacrifice a few when you first start getting back into the scene. nobody ever said it was easy. you actutally sound like you're in a pretty healthy place. I don't mean to sound blonde, but what do you mean sacrifice a few?
JS17 Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 from one blonde to another....sacrifice a few meaning the first couple of guys you get involved with will just be you getting used to being back out there dating again. In your case, adjusting to dating as an adult since you haven't been on the market since your teens. I know you will do just fine, cut yourself some slack and give it some time.
Author SMHappyface Posted December 10, 2005 Author Posted December 10, 2005 Ok, what about F*** buddies? I mean guys that you know quite well perhaps for years, that know your situation, know you don't want anything, no committment but willing to be there for you. What about those type? I mean it's not like I expect ANYTHING to go on about it, but sometimes I really miss the attention. And when it stares me in the face I am scared of it, not of the consequences but it feels SOOO wierd! Like you're first time and you have no idea what the hell to do. I mean it's not like I don't know anything, its just been with like three guys - all long-term, I feel like I'm rusty on my dating skills, and it's wierd. WIERD!!! AcckckkK!
JS17 Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 Everyone is different. I can't tell you what to do but if I were in your shoes I would learn how to be by myself for a while. I'm sure other people would say go for it. You have to do what's right for you and sometimes we need to make mistakes to learn that. I did the ONS and F@ck buddy thing after my bad breakup. It was a mistake. I don't work that way and I ended up destroying a good friendship. I found out I'm not a ONS person and that I shouldn't call on a F@ck buddy before I'm healed from a breakup. Those were my experiences. You may find that you will date better if you have a f@ck buddy to keep you from advancing too fast. Like I said, everyone is different and we all have to find out what is right for ourselves.
Author SMHappyface Posted December 10, 2005 Author Posted December 10, 2005 Yeah, that is what I'm worried about - I have a couple guys that told me if I wanted to do anything the would be happy to, but if I didn't they would be fine with that too and that it wouldn't hurt our friendship, but I don't believe it. When my last boyfriend and I broke up after about a 1.5, I fooled around with a guy that I had been friends with for years. In a way it was extremely positive - it took my mind off my ex, gave me some self-confidence and didn't get messy at all. But that is very rare IMO. Like I don't want to F@ck any of these guys, but what if I made out with them, cuddle up next to the TV - specially if they KNOW that is all, no further and I'm totally using them. Or would it be better to just deal with the pain of lonliness and try to push past it. What I'm worried about is that say I do that, will the first guy I really WANT to go for be too fast? It's like starving yourself and then going to a buffet.
JS17 Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 I have a couple guys that told me if I wanted to do anything the would be happy to DUH, of course they do. That was really cute. Be careful, some of these guys may harbor feelings for you...that's just a hunch. I believe that some maybe honest about this though, just FWB. I don't think there's anything wrong with friendship affection. I think the first guy that you REALLY WANT TO you will sleep with and it probably won't work out. You can't not make mistakes. Life doesn't work like that. Do what you feel is right and learn what works for you. If you feel that you want to try making out with one of them be upfront, tell them you're not sure how you're going to feel about it but you want to give it a try. If you feel that it's working for you then keep at it. If not, don't feel guilty about backing out so long as you are upfront about it. So what if you end up sleeping with one of them? The world will not come to an end, I promise. I did this and it was a mistake for me but it might not be for you.
Author SMHappyface Posted December 10, 2005 Author Posted December 10, 2005 I like your style JS - thanks, u are sweet... I don't know. I want to, but when it stares me in the face I don't want to - kinda like kissing my brother ewww. It's not like these guys aren't attractive. Like I mentioned earlier, even hugging them seems wierd - I want to run away. I never was like this before - it's like once I broke up with C, I'm now more anti-touchy than before. Of course this coming from a girl who is VERY affectionate!
Brittanyjean06 Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 all you need right now, are your friends...they are the ones who can make you laugh the hardest, feel comfortable with...you need that MOST of all trust me right now a man cant give you what you need...you need a girl friend...who you can cry to some one who understands i promis you, you will value all your friendships more!
JS17 Posted December 10, 2005 Posted December 10, 2005 heh, I should really listen to my own advice sometimes. You shouldn't force yourself to do anything with these guys, it's not going to get you anywhere. If it's something that you're into in the moment then go with it but if it repulses you when you get there why would you even bother? You're shutting down and that's why the affection is hard for you right now but it comes back. I promise. Now I have to head out, go put on my happy face and pretend life is all sunshine and rainbows.
Recommended Posts