uleryrns Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 He is exactly like this and it's driving me away from him. He is reliably unreliable and I have NO faith in him. He's selfish, lazy, irresponsible and unreliable and always always talks the talk (beautifully I might add) only to hardly ever walk the walk. He most always never finishes what he starts and hardly ever does what he says he will. Even simple things, like picking up something and putting it in the trash. I hear "Ok, honey I will", and find it still sitting in the same spot the next day. It's SO aggravating and I've had it. I've told him that it bothers me and he needs to be a man of his word, and he agrees, but then continues doing it. Apparently he doesn't really care that I want to leave his sorry ass. I think for my husband it's a combination of things, mostly being totally selfish and lazy and also procrastinating. They pretty much go hand in hand. He tells me he says he'll do things with the full intent of doing them, but just forgets. I think HA, that's just an excuse to cover your butt, because you ALWAYS forget. And if you cared about respecting me and not making me go insane with frustration at you always forgetting, then you'd try to start remembering, otherwise, in my opinion, you just don't care in the first place. My husband is so used to having his mom do things for him and bail him out that he hasn't learned to be responsible. So on top of being lazy and selfish and just not wanting to lift a finger, he also has "expectations" that someone else will take care of it. And the only reason I take care of things in my house is because I refuse to live in a cluttered, messy home and if I don't take care of it, things would go that way and he wouldn't care.
uleryrns Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Are you married to my husband? Cuz gosh darn you just described him - mother and all - and it's a learned behavior from child hood. Don't I know it. And I'm about ready to walk.... (see my other post above).
uleryrns Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 I am of the opinion that a lot of these psych disorders are used as an excuse for incorrect behavior Well, in my H's case, it's not an excuse and it explains a lot about his behaviors, but it doesn't EXCUSE them. He is Bipolar Stage II. He has mood swings and has been verbally abusive and as I said in previous posts, I'm so ready to walk. We just started counseling and I pray to God it works and opens his eyes that this behavior he's learned to procrastinate and let EVERYTHING fall on my shoulders to handle and take responsibility for has GOT to stop. Someone said they felt like they had 3 children (was that your post?) and that's exactly how I feel. A 2 year old, a 4 year old and him. And he totally acts like a 3 year old sometimes, stomping around the house, throwing things, yelling, because he didn't get his way. But he'll leave messes every where and once in a blue moon, he'll help me out. But mostly, it's all me and I'm at my wits end. Literally. And yes, I am angry. I know it's not good to be angry, but I feel stuck because if I leave things for him to do, then my house falls apart. My credit falls apart right along with his. My house looks like crap because he isn't helping where he should, if I just leave things be. And again, I totally know by doing what he said he'd do, for him, I'm just re-establishing that things will get taken care of for him and he doesn't have to do shyt. I'm angry because I can't do what I need to do to get him to wake up. I can't even leave him because I have no where to go and no money to go with. Ughghgh!!!
lilmoma1973 Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Thanks for the link a4a !! i looked at it and my h shows some traits in this link that you posted !! My daughter does too but she also takes after her dad !! Although he is being better about things just hope it lasts!!Thanks for sharing it was neat!!
Becoming Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 if I leave things for him to do, then my house falls apart. My credit falls apart right along with his. My house looks like crap because he isn't helping where he should, if I just leave things be. And again, I totally know by doing what he said he'd do, for him, I'm just re-establishing that things will get taken care of for him and he doesn't have to do shyt. I'm angry because I can't do what I need to do to get him to wake up. I can't even leave him because I have no where to go and no money to go with. Ughghgh!!! This guy must have lots of wives because seems we're all married to him! BEEN WHERE YOU ARE. And my husband also had his parents do absolutely everything for him growing up. And because the messiness and credit rating are things I can't tolerate, I ended up as his clean-up, fix-it wife, angry and resentful. Now I earn more than he and have enough to live on my own, and you know what? Now that he knows that I can leave (and have once for awhile), he knows I mean business and has straightened up (to a great degree). Check out the current 2 x 4 and the communicating with men threads. They're enlightening. And glad to hear you're in counseling. Do you know about http://www.marriagebuilders.com--great site to work through marriage problems together. Best wishes!
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