scruffles2121 Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 I've noticed many of you are in similiar situations. I dated my ex for 7 months, and lived with him 5 of those. I lived there with my 9 year old, he has no children. We work at the same place, only in seperate buildings (thank god!). I decided to move out a week ago because I noticed he was spending more and more time with his friends, and hardly any time with me. I tried to patch the relationship prior to leaving, to no avail. I had even offered to move out before the END, so he could have a male friend of his move in. He said he did not want me to move, etc. Well, I did and here we are a week later, hardly any contact other than work related questions at work. He acts like nothing happened, and hardly says hi. I found out his friend is moving in now!!! (Crazy, why didn't he take me up on that offer instead of me having to decide on my own??) How can a guy go from loving you and your child, to partying with his friends and pretending he hardly knows you and you have no history?? It's driving me nuts. I would rather have had some kind of closure, but when I told him I was moving out, he avoided the house like the plague, and that was the last statement we made. I even was dumb enough to leave him a goodbye letter wishing him the best of luck in life, and letting him know that I cared, but I couldn't be with someone who stops giving me any attention. It's unfortunate, for myself and the kid. We had a great relationship or so I thought. Now I am playing the NC game to see if he comes crawling back, and the funny thing is, I don't think I would take him back. Not unless I felt he was ready to make the sacrifices for myself and my kid. I left him for a reason. But damn, it hurts so bad. I thought he would be the one I would marry someday. He is the only guy I have EVER considered marrying. I am happy for him, he is young and should be free! I know someday he will make the time for a woman in his life. He started to with me, so I wonder if he just got cold feet. So sad, but I will continue the NC rule, because I believe if we were truly meant for each other, we will be together again!
dahlia Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 I lived with my bf for a while also. Everything was great for a few years. In the last year, he became totally indifferent to me, and I would always question him about it. He just said I was crazy or whatever, he would try to act like I didn't know what I was talking about. But, he would rarely call me when I would be away for work, and when I would come home after a few days away due to work, he basically ignored me then, too. So, I asked him why was he still here, why didn't he move out if he wasn't into me anymore? He basically continued on along the lines that I didn't know what I was talking about. Well, one time I did come home, and he had left. I still haven't heard from him and it has been over a month. I think sometimes people that want out of a relationship hang around for a while because it's easy......too much work to move out or start over. They want us to do the breaking up for them, and then they are done completely. The proof in this, is that if they cared for us or wanted us, they would contact us.........they don't, however, and for me, I know that's b/c he was done with me a while ago, he just couldn't admit it. I suppose he was a coward.
CaliGuy Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 I suppose he was a coward. Exactly. A real man would have told you the truth and faced reality. He took the easy road out. My ex is a coward too. She could never come clean with me on anything, not even how she felt. Wimps.
slubberdegullion Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 I believe if we were truly meant for each other, we will be together again! Nonsense. It is exactly this sort of delusional thinking that keeps people stuck. Maintain NC, and expect nothing except your own healing.
CaliGuy Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 Nonsense. It is exactly this sort of delusional thinking that keeps people stuck. I disagree. By making this statement you are indeed accepting that it's over. Maintain NC, and expect nothing except your own healing. This I agree with. If you make the statement that "If it's meant to be, it will happen" and then stick to NC, you've proven you've accepted that it's over and left fate to God. But if you say "If it's meant to be, it will happen" and then try to manipulate or otherwise convince your Ex to come back, then you truly haven't let go. "Letting go" is the key here. You just have to say "It is what it is..." and move on with your life. An Ex will always establish contact when they miss you and truly believe they made a mistake. You don't have to do a thing but live your life and focus on areas of improvement for yourself. And no, sometimes they will never come back. That's because not everyone is right for each other. You just have to keep trying. There is a perfect match for us all, it's just a matter of finding them.
Author scruffles2121 Posted December 9, 2005 Author Posted December 9, 2005 I agree with CaliGuy! While it is fairytale like to hope that individual comes waltzing back into your life, arms wide open, begging for forgiveness, reality says that most likely, the both of you did not work out for a reason. I am confused by his actions, since he did appear to be happy with our relationship, other than he is very stubborn. I am proud of myself for deciding that I was not going to settle for less, and for making the decision to leave, instead of being partially satisfied in a relationship. While deep down I want to be with him if he was willing to invest in us, I know that I have to move on, and leave it up to God. I've already wasted enough time being sad over someone who's actions state they are undeserving of my love and time. Thanks for all your advice, I want you to know that all of this is helping me to keep up the NC, and try to move on and let go!
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