AltplanB Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 I came accross this passage in a book I was reading for closure. I think it reflects exactly how i went about my relationship and why i reacted the way i did when it was ended by her. "It is important to remember that we all have everything we need now, and that the essence of our being is Love. If we think we need to get something from another, we will love that person when we get what we think we want, and will hate that person when we do not. We frequently have love/hate relationships in which we find ourselves trading conditional love. The getting motivation leads to conflict & distress & is associated only with linear time. Giving means extending one's Love with no conditions, no expectations, & no boundaries. Peace of mind occurs, therefore, when we put all our attention into giving & have no desire to get anything from, or to change, another person. The giving motivation leads to a sense of inner peace & joy that is unrelated to time." I know that I got pleasure from giving and all i wanted was her love. Pity.
Nikita20 Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 Re read it again Alt. I don't think that you grasped the message: "Giving means extending out love with no conditions.". You mentioned "I know that I got pleasure from giving and all i wanted was her love." Therefore, just because you gave to her, you shouldn't expect her to love you back. That's extending love with conditions. And it contradicts the theme of the passage--you must give without expecting anything in return. Does that make any sense?
In Sync Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 Re read it again Alt. I don't think that you grasped the message: "Giving means extending out love with no conditions.". You mentioned "I know that I got pleasure from giving and all i wanted was her love." Therefore, just because you gave to her, you shouldn't expect her to love you back. That's extending love with conditions. And it contradicts the theme of the passage--you must give without expecting anything in return. Does that make any sense? I agree with your interpretation that the passage Alt quoted, is a a selfless "extending out love" but damn, I know I have not reached that level of altruism yet. I suppose if I could do this, I wouldn't now feel betrayed or so disappointed that I gave my love out and it was not appreciated. How many of us love someone and do not want it returned? Has that ever happened, in romantic love?
Nikita20 Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 In Sync: I agree. It would hard for me to be in a relationship where I loved someone and didn't expect anything back in return. What would be the purpose in being a relationship with someone? However, the theme in the passage kinda rings a bell. Perhaps if you love someone without any expectations in return and when it ends, you wouldn't be so devistated. You would perhaps have peace of mind because you at least expected nothing in return. Maybe we all need to have this selfless love. Hmmmm...
In Sync Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 In Sync: I agree. It would hard for me to be in a relationship where I loved someone and didn't expect anything back in return. What would be the purpose in being a relationship with someone? However, the theme in the passage kinda rings a bell. Perhaps if you love someone without any expectations in return and when it ends, you wouldn't be so devistated. You would perhaps have peace of mind because you at least expected nothing in return. Maybe we all need to have this selfless love. Hmmmm... Hmmm, maybe that kind of love transcends the romantic love that we are habituated to giving and grieve the loss of it when it goes away. If one is able to love without expectations you'd have to be so "at peace" with yourself that you don't even need that romantic love ...it transcends what we know, because it romantic love you obviously feel a need and desire for it to be returned. Could that be the meaning behind that quote? Can man/woman ever get to that point in a loving relationship...uh, judging by this forum...we have along way to go!
Author AltplanB Posted December 8, 2005 Author Posted December 8, 2005 Can you fall in love and not need someone at the same time?
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