ICS Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 As some of you may know, I've broken it off with my girlfriend of three years earlier this week. I am happy that I had emotional support from my friends and everyone here, but I just can't stop worrying about her. There is no way that the relationship could have amounted to anything, but looking back, there were lots of fun times despite all the pain (and I mean a LOT of pain). I feel so angry and hurt that I had to breakup with the one girl that was basically my life for three years. Beneath all her problems, I am sure that she loved me dearly, and I am begining to hate myself for realizing how hurt she was when I broke up with her. She was perfect in every way but one-she couldn't live without assuming total control over our relationship. When I first met her she was the girl of my dreams.. beautiful, smart, and easy to talk to. I cannot get through any day without being reminded of her, whether it be her cards, her pictures, clothes she bought me, or even places we went to. Why do I feel so heart-broken when I was doing the right thing for the both of us? How do I continue my life normally without thinking about her and longing for her? In a way I wish we could still be friends, because I genuinely care about her.. so sad that she will probably never talk to me again. I am going through my week of exams and I am beginning to really lose it...
Outcast Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 Why do I feel so heart-broken when I was doing the right thing for the both of us? Because we get used to being part of a pair. We get 'addicted' to the other person. It's like quitting any addiction or bad habit - even though it's good for you it's hard for a while until you get used to the new reality.
itwontdawnsooner Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 "How do I continue my life normally without thinking about her and longing for her? ....I am beginning to really lose it..." If only it was just like a switch, that you turn on or off. If she "became" someone different than who she was at the beginning, then what does that mean? You did what you could - now you need time. Keep breathing. Take it a day at a time.
Author ICS Posted December 8, 2005 Author Posted December 8, 2005 I just looked back at the text messages I sent her that night, and I was surprised at some of the things I wrote out of anger. Basically I told her I never want to have anything to do with her ever again, and that she will never see me again.. I am very tempted to just send her an email to see how she is and to a great extent I wish I could still have her as a friend. What do you guys think?
itwontdawnsooner Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 be honest with yourself ics, you broke up with her for a reason right? did she say anything or do anything mean/in the heat of the moment to you?
whichwayisup Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 It isn't fair to her for you to be friends with her right now, if ever... Too painful. Now, unless you plan on working things out, maybe you two go to couples therapy and she can learn how to not be so controlling and also together you both can fix things...But if the intent is now just missing her out of habit, out of deep caring, you really need to leave her be. I'm sure she's in the same pain you're in right now, missing you too. Just try to keep busy, don't focus alot on her. Sounds harsh but you need to work through your own emotions and not worry so much about hers.
Author ICS Posted December 8, 2005 Author Posted December 8, 2005 be honest with yourself ics, you broke up with her for a reason right? did she say anything or do anything mean/in the heat of the moment to you? She kept hanging up on me that night and was completely ignoring the problems I was trying to discuss with her (regarding her sleeping in the same bed as her male friend occasionally, and how I felt about it), but she told me it wasn't any of my business, and that she has no interest in him. These problems have occurred time and again during my time with her for the last three years, and I seriously do not believe it's my job to change her, let alone my right to do so. She told me that I was only complaining to her because I felt insecure and needed proof that she loves me, which was not my intent at all. I just felt extremely sad because of the way she was treating me and dealing with problems, and I know that she will always be the same.
itwontdawnsooner Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 in other words, you made the right decision. doesn't mean there aren't drawbacks to doing whats right. you did what you had to... it's not your job to change her, or your right. she can compromise, but she'll never fully change. things were said, whatever. thats over now. not your concern. you sound like you've made the right decision for yourself. thats good!
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