Soap on the Tounge!!!!

December 7, 2005

Hey all i am having problems with my 6 yr old daughter back talking me and being unrulely and defiant ... i made a post and got some great responses and appreciate all the opinions and advice i have gotten !!! My question is what do you think about putting dishwashing liquid on a childs tounge not a lot just a dab !!! Not to swallow but long enough to taste it and i talk with her and explain why she has it in her mouth!!! My friend said this worked for her with her son when he told her to shut up and my daughter constantly tells me to shutup and she hates me !! Just really frustrated and will try anything !!! What do you all think? Is this dangerous for her i won't make her swallow it just trying to teach her a lesson about mouthing !!!!

December 7, 2005

Since I'm not a parent, I'm gonna bow out of whether you should do it or not, but I don't think it's "dangerous". As long as you aren't pouring tons down her throat. We used dishsoap as "bubbles" during bath time when I was a kid, and I constantly ate the bubbles. Granted you can't ingest tons of soap in that method, but I never did get sick.

December 7, 2005

Thanks for the info and no i won't pour it down her throat !! I will put a little on finger and rub it on her lips thats enough to taste and know im not playing when she mouthing back!!! I am tired of hearing shut up and i hate you driving me crazy !! You can give your opinion whether you have a child or not !! My mom use to put soap in our mouths and it worked along with poppin in the mouth not hard enough to know we better not mouth her again!!!

December 7, 2005

I don't think it's a good idea personally. 6 is really young to be mouthing off to you. My daughter tried it once because her friend does it to her mom but I put a stop to that I was really strict as in punishment and since never really have reason to punish her it made an impression.

I missed you first post but is she imitating anyone?

December 7, 2005

I don't think it's a good idea personally. 6 is really young to be mouthing off to you. My daughter tried it once because her friend does it to her mom but I put a stop to that I was really strict as in punishment and since never really have reason to punish her it made an impression.

I missed you first post but is she imitating anyone?

Thanks Hotgurl...

It is funny you should mention that and never really thought about that ..She has a older child she plays with in our neighborhood and she will turn 9 next weekend!! I do not like her playing with this child because it seems that when the little girl comes over here my daughter does things i don't allow and she knows not to do!!! I feel this child teaches my daughter things i don't like she is always telling my daughter that ghosts are real and bears are in our woods!! I tell this child all the time not to tell her things about ghosts that already have a time with her bedtime because of it and she tells me that ghosts are real !! i tell her not to say things like this no such thing!! So i think that i need to keep this child away from my daughter she is learning too much from her and this little girl don't have alot of disciplining!! I feel that she isn't a good influence on my child!!

December 7, 2005

I think it's a terrible idea.

come back with either:

1. "Talking like that is rude and disrespectful. In this family we don't talk like that," or

2. "This conversation is over for me. I'm willing to talk to you, but when you're out of control, I'm finished." Then turn and walk away.

The important thing is to do it EVERY TIME WITHOUT FAIL. Mind you, another poster had a point - do you and your H say 'shut up' to her or to each other? Is this language used in your home regularly?

December 7, 2005

My mom use to put a bar of Ivory soap in our mouths when we swore when I was growing up. She had to do it more to my brother then I did. He woiuld bite on the bar of soap so she couldn't swish it around in his mouth. So she grabbed the dishsoap bottle one time and all he did was curl up his tounge and spit it back out so it didn't mix in his mouth. He claims to this day (age 34) that soap never worked.. He laughs about it.

My son started to mouth off to me when he was about 10. I just open hand popped him across the mouth. (not hard) and it stunned him and I sat him down and talked to him about respect and if he has something to say he can tell me how he feels but yelling at me won't get possitive results. I had to pop him across the mouth a couple times and he learned fast if he needs to express what he thinks or feels he can do it without yelling at me.

I believe my sons feelings and thoughts are important and he has just as much right to express what he thinks and feels as I do. Even IF I am the adult and I am right! I don't want him to be afraid to speak up when he is older; But, he can speak up respectfully. I will take the time to listen to him and that is usually what children want is to just be listened to about what they think and feel. I always explain why to my son also. He is a good kid. He is 16 and everyone adores him and I hear all the time I have done a good job raising him.. He is not a sissy boy by no means but he isn't a wild child.. He has manners and is respectful. He expresses his ideas and opinions when necessary.

I dont' think soap in the mouth is going to work. She will only get more angry at you. Talk to her and let her vent but control her loudness.

I sometimes let my son express his attitude also just so he can defuse it. But I am careful about what words I will allow him to use..

I look at my own childhood upbringing and think back to how I felt, I also have read some books on child Psychology and single parenting. The combination of all I think have helped me make good decisions.

Note: I read somewhere that dishsoap is not safe to put in kids mouths. The chemicals in it are dangerous if ingested. I would think with all the antibacterial soaps it would be more dangerous.

December 7, 2005

I think it's a terrible idea.

come back with either:

The important thing is to do it EVERY TIME WITHOUT FAIL. Mind you, another poster had a point - do you and your H say 'shut up' to her or to each other? Is this language used in your home regularly?

THANKS OUTCAST

Done those two ideas they don't work my child is strongwilled and stubborn and really defiant !! Yes my h has told me shutup before .. Still doesn't give her the right to say it to me!! i understand kids learn what they see but she knows better !! I think it is what hotgurl is saying she is learning it from other kids playing at home with or school !!! She use to not be like this till she started school last yr !! Schools need to bring back the ruler on the hand !! Just MO

December 7, 2005

from this and other posts you've had here at the 'Shack, it sounds like the child is testing your authority, so I don't think soap (or a pop on the fanny) is going to make much of an impression on her. Withholding her privileges like visiting her friends, watching TV or doing other things she likes will. She sounds like a smart kid, even if she's being onery, so you probably will be able to sit her down to tell her that she's not being very likable with this behavior, that it's a poor choice when trying to communicate with you and that until she figures out how to express herself nicely, you're not going to pay attention to her. Oh, and that you love her despite her bad behavior.

if that doesn't work, try guilt. That's always been my best friend :laugh:

December 7, 2005

I just open hand popped him across the mouth. (not hard) and it stunned him and I sat him down and talked to him about respect and if he has something to say he can tell me how he feels but yelling at me won't get possitive results. I had to pop him across the mouth a couple times and he learned fast if he needs to express what he thinks or feels he can do it without yelling at me.

That's awful!!!

so you probably will be able to sit her down to tell her that she's not being very likable with this behavior, that it's a poor choice when trying to communicate with you and that until she figures out how to express herself nicely, you're not going to pay attention to her

The thing is, lilmoma, you have to do it exactly the same way EVERY SINGLE TIME. You can't expect it to work if you just do it a few times or if you do it sometimes and not others. And you MUST be CALM!!!!!! No yelling at her. No losing your temper. You very CALMLY say those lines to her EVERY TIME and then follow through. Stop talking to her or leave her. If you're getting ready to go out, stop talking to her and just carry on with what you're doing.

But you have to do it several times for it to work.

December 7, 2005

from this and other posts you've had here at the 'Shack, it sounds like the child is testing your authority, so I don't think soap (or a pop on the fanny) is going to make much of an impression on her. Withholding her privileges like visiting her friends, watching TV or doing other things she likes will. She sounds like a smart kid, even if she's being onery, so you probably will be able to sit her down to tell her that she's not being very likable with this behavior, that it's a poor choice when trying to communicate with you and that until she figures out how to express herself nicely, you're not going to pay attention to her. Oh, and that you love her despite her bad behavior.

if that doesn't work, try guilt. That's always been my best
friend :laugh: [/quote

Thanks Quakanne and yes she is very intelligent child a little too much for her on good!! She has had her playstation ,computer and friends taken away and it doesn't seem to phase her!! She is always asking me to get something back and i say no because being nice for a day does not make up how she has been acting since almost 2 wks!!! She is well above her grade level in reading and writing and does really good in school!! She just gives me hell at home ,she knows not to act that way at school or she will be in big trouble!! She doesn't want to go to school teacher doesn't like her and makes it well known and intimidates her !! My daughter can't tell the teacher when she isn't feeling good that she wants to go home if she does she gets her stick turned !! This teacher is very strict and was tlaking to a teacher that said kids lash out at home because they have to be on their p's and q's at school so they need a break from being good !! So we get the reprecussion's of that when they come home!! Makes sense just frustrating !!!

December 7, 2005

That's awful!!!

The thing is, lilmoma, you have to do it exactly the same way EVERY SINGLE TIME. You can't expect it to work if you just do it a few times or if you do it sometimes and not others. And you MUST be CALM!!!!!! No yelling at her. No losing your temper. You very CALMLY say those lines to her EVERY TIME and then follow through. Stop talking to her or leave her. If you're getting ready to go out, stop talking to her and just carry on with what you're doing.

But you have to do it several times for it to work.

I guess what might works for one child doesn't always work for another!! Children aren't all the same so i will try it out but i know it won't work but it is worth a shot !! I don't yell at my child i talk to to her in a stern voice no yelling !! Thanks Out i will try it and i always follow through with her my h on the other hand doesn't with her or ss so maybe this is why she don't take to authority in the household!!!

December 7, 2005

my h on the other hand doesn't with her or ss so maybe this is why she don't take to authority in the household!!!

Well then, lilmoma, it's unfair to expect her to toe the line when there is no good modelling in the home. You have to understand that what she does is a reflection of the life around her. At 6 she's not a rebel; she's a confused little kid who's ahead of her class so probably bored with a teacher who's no fun.

No wonder she's acting out!!! Maybe some empathy for her situation. She's not defying you in particular; she's acting out her troubles the only way she can. You have to discipline the H, too, if you're going to expect that poor kid to obey.

You can't throw chaos at a little kid and expect her to behave in an adult, mature manner! She needs structure, predictability, and support, not a teacher who's a grump and a father who checks out when he's needed. None of this is her fault but she has no way to solve any of it. You need to intercede for her in all these situations.

December 7, 2005

I have a 6 year old. Maybe yours is extra strong willed. But I just would not tolerate it and they know not to try.

December 7, 2005

But I just would not tolerate it and they know not to try.

Children are not small robots devoid of feelings. They are strangers to the planet - new to a world they don't understand. Almost everything is confusing and it's parents' role to guide and help, not order and bark. Maybe your kids have a nice, orderly, structured life and feel safe and sheltered and so don't have any need to try to assert themselves. But a little kid in a confusing and upsetting situation is going to try the few things kids can try to feel a sense of control when the world isn't firm under their feet.

December 8, 2005

I have a 6 year old. Maybe yours is extra strong willed. But I just would not tolerate it and they know not to try.

That or she is the child of lucifer!!! j/k She ijoitching a a fit as we speak and she is in the corner and can't come out!! She has just gotten her tv taken away and is mad !! Why is it when i punish her by taking things aways or telling her to do something she says we hate her? She has a bad temper and lashes out when she gets punished!!! i don't know what to do!! Outcast can i pm you and ask you some ?

December 8, 2005

Children are not small robots devoid of feelings. They are strangers to the planet - new to a world they don't understand. Almost everything is confusing and it's parents' role to guide and help, not order and bark. Maybe your kids have a nice, orderly, structured life and feel safe and sheltered and so don't have any need to try to assert themselves. But a little kid in a confusing and upsetting situation is going to try the few things kids can try to feel a sense of control when the world isn't firm under their feet.

I understand what you are saying but she has no need to feel that way about my h and i we are happily married and yes we have or spats but nothing major so i don't get it!!!

December 8, 2005

Outcast can i pm you and ask you some ?

Absolutely

December 8, 2005

"Children are not small robots devoid of feelings. They are strangers to the planet - new to a world they don't understand. Almost everything is confusing and it's parents' role to guide and help, not order and bark. Maybe your kids have a nice, orderly, structured life and feel safe and sheltered and so don't have any need to try to assert themselves. But a little kid in a confusing and upsetting situation is going to try the few things kids can try to feel a sense of control when the world isn't firm under their feet."

I could not disagree with you more Outcast. Are you reading the Dr. Spock Book??? Strangers to planet? Almost everything is confusing? You do not give children enough credit. When mine we to young to even talk, they knew when they were doing wrong. Thats why if they got into the Easter chocolate, you would find the toddler hiding behind the couch. They know between right and wrong and quickly learn when and how they can get away with something. I left room for the situation that the kid might be extra strong willed. It is not a matter of barking at them. It is a matter of teaching them to be respectful which as a parent is my job. You do not think a 6 yr old knows how to manipulate?? And before you assume Outcast that I am barking and intimadating my kids into behaving you are wrong. In addition to expecting certain behavior, I also hug and kiss them, tell them I love them, laugh and play with them, etc etc etc.

The mentality of today where you parent by examining the feelings, etc instead of just using common sense on what things are not permissable, I just dont understand. I think this type thinking has also ruined many a child.

Being disrespective to ones parents is not something I need to sit and examine the feelings of a child, it is where I teach them as a parent that it is NOT allowed.

December 8, 2005

All I'm saying is that lilmoma's little kid has inconsistent parenting models plus a mean teacher to contend with, which is a lot for a little kid. Maybe if her spouse would get onside in terms of how kids are disciplined in the home it would be ok but there are two different standards in that home and that's a recipe for disaster. Your kids are all on the same page - hers are not. It's not sensible to expect that one kid will find it easy to adhere to standards if nobody else is expected to. That's what I mean by understanding her situation.

December 8, 2005

Dishwashing liquid is toxic and very dangerous. A little bit of it? Well a little bit of poison on your kid's tongue!

Besides, the system of punishment is cruel. I would try and be nice to her, show her love, understanding, and a lot of affection. Trust me, it will work. It might take a few weeks, but if you're persistent, you will feel the results long-term, I promise.

Don't raise your voice, don't punish her, don't call her names. Just smile, kiss her, and do all the things that mothers do in movies (ignore the fact that she is not a movie-type of perfect kid).

She needs to feel that you're her friend, not her enemy. Treat her with respect (be the model of the kind of behavior you expect!) and she will start to respect you very soon.

December 8, 2005

Dishwashing liquid is toxic and very dangerous

Um. No it's not. If it were, it would not be approved for use on DISHES that people eat from.

December 8, 2005

Moma, you should speak to someone who has children. Children need discipline and love. Your child is clearly not getting consistent discipline or love. I've dealt with this kind of behavior. Being her "friend" will get you nowhere. Just smiling and kissing her and not punishing her WON'T work!

And big news flash! Sometimes "ordering and barking" ARE in order!

How about this...try it the way Outcast and RP are telling you to try it and then try it for awhile the way I'll I'm advising you to try it. And then come back and tell us which way is more effective. Deal?

December 8, 2005

I didn't say the same thing as RP. IF you would read what I said, coco, you'd see that I suggested that inconsistent parenting in the household has to be addressed before moma can expect her child to comply easily.

December 8, 2005

I don't agree w/ the dish soap but a little isn't going to hurt her if that is what you, as her parent, choose to do.

As a parent, and also a teacher, if a child back talks me I tell them I will not listen to them if they are going to speak to me in that tone. I tell them as soon as they can speak to me using nice words then I will listen. I then ignore them if they continue to talk back to me. As soon as they know they are not getting anywhere by back talking or yelling at me they will calm down so I will listen. Works every single time.

Ignore the bad behavior (unless she is hurting herself, or others). Then catch her being good. When she is playing nicely, reading a book, or whatever she is doing tell her how much you like seeing her playing so nicely, or whatever. Children need positive reinforcement. It's best to ignore the bad behavior, and reinforce the positive. GL!

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