I'm obsessed

[BIGGEST LOSER EVER]

help guys.......Me and this girl/woman, we were friends for ages, she was the one who got away, she was my first love and I hers but we never got together because I had some self-love issues-sounds silly, 1st love but never got together. We both moved on-well as much as I could-I've always found it difficult talking to women. I can talk about my emotions but they always find me to be too much of a loser or don't see me in a romantic way. She has flourished-happy confidant etc. I never stopped hoping, praying we'd get together, I dream of going back to the start and having the guts to telling her to face of my love..........She knew how I felt 2years ago when I was having problems with drugs and used my feelings as a weapon against me, I got tired of it and we had an argument, we spoke a little every now and then-but no where near like we had done once upon a time.

 

I got my life together in those 2years-or at least so I thought, got great friends, doing great at college, I still thought about her every hungover morning......she came back into my life in September and suddenly my mind went AWOL. I wanted to hear from her everyday, see her, speak to her, don't get me wrong I aint a complete nut case-only a partial nut case, I don't hang around her house, stalk her, I just send a text a day type thing. I even tried to ignore her when I saw her in the gym or round college, I don't know, I feel so adolesent when I'm around her and her friends-like I'm not good enough, not cool enough, I can't be myself for some reason, and the few times I asked her out with me and my friends I had no reply-that was before I went mental. We've decided not to talk for a while because of my feelings, I told her I felt like a stalker, she half agreed-she was a touch concerned with the texts-it was just one a day for a week. Maybe I am obsessed but she still wants to be friends at some point, but the fact of the matter is I want to be more than friends, I'm gonna use this time apart to get myself together-get that perfectly toned body, drink less (difficult to do when your at college, I do drink a lot-more than anyone I know), get a cooler house, be a bit more maturer, get a whole lot more confidance, if your reading this I think thats definatley evidant-all that stuff that people say you should do to get back at your ex.

 

Fact is I can't do any of that because all I got in my mind is getting her and thinking of what a stupid selfish prat I been for not holding back my emotions and doing all that stuff I said I was going to do and whatsmore (just to make me look and feel and be even more of an idiot) she's going through a rough patch and if I had been the nice guy I thought I was, I would have been there for her. I can only wonder why she wants to be friends-I've turned into a wreck since she came back into my life, but maybe I been going that way for a 6months-i don't know. Just messed up really.

 

Sorry about this guys I been rambling on but if you guys can tell me anything-tell me I'm an idiot, loser, whatever. I do think seeing a councillor is a good idea-I'm on a waiting list-4 weeks and I went to them about 3weeks ago. Its good to know there people out there. Cheers

[Outcast]

I do think seeing a councillor is a good idea-I'm on a waiting list-4 weeks and I went to them about 3weeks ago.

 

You're already doing the best thing you can do. Take a printout of your post to remind you of all you want to be same and be sure to mention the alcohol, too.