kjo314 Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 Guys and Gals, I need help. I have been in a relationship for a year and 6 months but now it seems like I have no hope for it anymore. Let me explain what is going on. My girl, Jette, and I met at a party last May. We went to a formal dance with each other and pretty much knew then we wanted to be more than friends. She moved in with me about week 4 of the realtionship because she didn't like her roomates and it was better for her. I had a computer and she didn't have one and my house had A/c etc... Everyone who saw us wish that they had a relationship like ours. All her friends told her that she has got a guy she needs to keep because I am worth it. I did a lot for her and took care of her. She wanted me to do that. I took her out to dinner like 3 times a week. I paid all the bills. I gave her some spending money sometimes, I always bought her really good gifts and cheer up gifts, I made her feel proud and boosted her confidence when she was down. So I did. We had our problems but what realtionship doesn't. We loved each other and knew that we were good for each other. We both thought that we were going to work out and we both wanted us to work out. So on our anniversary she made me a memory book about us. She told me she can't wait for us to be together permanentally and that she loved the idea of starting a family with me. I loved it. She really made me feel good. Her father got married 2 weeks later and her step mother gave her the flowers because she wanted us to get married. She knew that she was leaving for Florida in August to start graduate school. She wanted me to propose to her because she felt that I would forget about her. This obviously is not a good reason to get proposed and I didn't because I wasn't ready. She asked me to transfer but because of where I was at and the money situation I couldn't do it at that time. We went on a trip to Charleston S.C. and it was magical. We had so much fun together and things just clicked. We both said that we were going to make this long-distance thing work and that we both felt that we belonged together. SO she left in August and for the first 5 weeks everything went very well. we talked had fun etc.... it was great. After that she asked me to send a package to her that had some stuff she needed. UPS messed it up and it didn't get to her for a week and a half. She of course blamed it on me and I had to prove to her that I wasn't lying about it to keep her from breaking up with me. I did and she said she knew I would find a way and she wasn't worried about it. Her roomate was a mean person to her and treats her like a peice of trash. She is constantly depressed. She has very few friends down there and she is 21 and the rest of them are like 25-30's. She is in a new world. So she started to seek a therapist. A couple weeks later I got a surprise when she said. "I think you are the one for me but I am not sure and I want to make sure you are the one for me before I commit myself completely." She wanted an open realtionship; not to actively pursue guys but if the oppertunity presented itself she wanted to go out and date other guys to make sure that our realtionship was real. I think she thought that it was too good to be true. I obviously was against it and told her that. She agreed that we would try it my way which was wait till April when I could transfer down there. She told me I was worth waiting for. So everything went ok until this last week. We had a great time at Thanksgiving with her folks and she said that she feels normal and protected when she is with me. She said she felt really good about the relationship and that she knew she did. I dropped her off at the airport that monday and that was the last time I saw her. I gave her a kiss and and told her I loved her. She was really stresed out because of some papers etc.. and she was losing things and didn't have as much time as she would have liked to spend with friends and family up here. So I called her on Thursday of last week and she told me that she was going out to have some fun at a party. I was happy for her because she was going out with friends. She said that she needed space to figure things out and she had no clue what is going on. She said that she felt inhibited though. I asked her what she meant and she said that she feels like she can't do anything she wants becasue she is tied down. This scared me to death. She brings up problems in the realtionship over the phone and then gets really mad at me when I try to talk about them. I want to help her through this time in her life and she was shutting me out and I don't know why. I don't know if she has a commitment problem or what? On Friday she called me and told me that she wanted us to work out but she didn't feel like it would. She thought I would be happier with someone else and I assured her that wasn't the truth. She sent me an e-card that day telling me how much she loved me and couldn't wait to see me again. I assured her we could make it through to the 9th because then we would be together with no stress for 3 weeks. We were going on a cruise. She told me she would do that even though she felt hopeless and that she would start to think positive she never thought of happy things about us. She told me she would call me that night. Well, my batery ran out so I called her and left a message letting her know not to worry and that my cellphone battery was dead. 2 dayd ago she lost her cellphone and told me to call her at 6. I did and she didn't pick up so I kept calling. I didn't get a hold of her till midnight and when I did she didn't understand why I called her so many times. She never checks her messages so if I leave a message odds are she won't get it and I get worried she might be hurt. So the next day, Saturday I had to bury a student of mine. He died in a hunting accident and I was very close to the family. It hurt. So I called her because I wanted to talk to her and she told me that I wasn't respecting the space she needed and that she felt a seperation was needed. She used the night before as an example telling me that she thought I was squashing her. I just wanted to let her know what was going on with me. She didn't understand that. She said that we have always had our problems and she said that she wants us to work out but she didn't feel that we would and she said that she couldn't be in the realtionship because it streses her out too much right now. She said that she felt normal when we were together and that she felt like home and protected and she said that when we talk on the phone it becomes an issue that she doesn't want to deal with anymore so she just wants to be friends. She said that she still loves me a lot but she said that she feels like she is not the one for me and that there is someone out there better for me. She said that she feels I would be happier with someone else. I started to get upset because i had told her that all I ever wanted was her and that she was my girl and that is all I ever asked from her. She said she didn't want to talk when I was upset and hung up on me. So her friend called me that night and asked what was going on. She never told her best friend that she was going to break up with me. That was weird. Her friends called her and let me know what she said. She said that she just doesn't want the stress of any realtionship now and she wants to be free. She said "you are still a plan A but she doesn't feel like she has time for the commitiment and she really doesn't know what she wants. She wants to be free to think about everything." She told me that she thought that we would get back together. She said that Jette just needed space to figure out what she wants in life etc... and she doesn't want to feel persuaded by anyone so she is cutting all contact. My other friends are telling me that there is no chance in hell we will be getting back together and that I should just move on. Jette hasn't called me since Saturday and I don't want to call her and violate her space that she wanted. I want to prove to her that I can give her the space. I treated her like gold and I don't honestly know if she knows that. I love her very much but I am afraid I will never get her back. I need some advice from outside sources aka. you guys. Please help me. I don't want to lose my girl. She said she still loves me and I honestly feel that she is afraid that the realtionship is too good to be true and she wants time to think about it before commiting any further. She has only had one true love.... me. She hasn't dated around very much. I don't know though. I am torn up inside and I feel like poop. I feel like she just dumped be because I was too much to deal with. I used to send her care packages and stuff like that and my friends told me I have to be very strict about this friends thing because she needs to see that she isn't going to get the same treatment from me if we just are friends. Maybe she will realize how lucky she had it. I don't know.. What is she thinking? What do I do to get my girl back? I love her, she is my girl, my princess, and my happy thought. I really care about her and I don't want to end it completely. I know she is the one for me I honestly do. I don't know what to do right now. What are the chances of this working out the way I want them to and can I do anything about it. I am worried and nervous. Please help!!!
chocolate123 Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 Loving one person is not about having them back, that is possessiveness. Set her free and she will realise you are the best for her.
lexilas Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 kjo314 - you've been too nice, I think you should give her the space she says she needs. She'll miss you and get in contact - if she really loves you like she says she does, she won't be able to help herself. Play it cool - hang in there. Lexi
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