GuySimple Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 At what point (if ever) do I tell my wife that I have been dating occasionally? I have been out on a few dates and they seem to becoming for frequent. There is one person who would like to spend more time with me and we do hit is off rather well. She actually phoned tonight while the kids were here. I expect that eventually my wife will find out. I am wondering what the appropriate thing to do is, let her find out on her own or tell her? I don't really want to hurt her feelings although some days I don't think she deserves my kind feelings towards her.
Tangerina Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 I should probably read your other posts, but I am just going to assume that you are separated? Is there any chance of reconcilliation? Do you want to reconcile? If not, if you are really working on separating your life from hers then I don't think you need to actually tell her... but you are right, she will find out eventually and you obviously know her better than I do so do what you think would be best for your continued interactions with her (sounds like kids are involved)... but my generic answer is that it isn't your responsibility to tell... From personal experience... The way my ex found out I was dating was because (after dumping me) he said he wanted me back... I was well on the way to moving on (though still uncertain) and had been seeing someone for about 2 weeks, which isn't that long but we were really into each other... so my ex tells me (after not talking for about a month) "I kind of want to see about maybe getting back together" and I just go "What?!?!? I'm seeing someone!" probaly not the best tactic, but it kind of blew up in my head like "What?! I wanted to reconcile a long time ago and you shut me out, but now I am moving on and you come crawling back?! I feel terminally confused" We still talked a bit about the possibility of getting back together, but seeing someone new opened my eyes to possibilities beyond him and imagining me with someone else kind of burst a bubble for him and it really destroyed our chances of reconciling... Which is GREAT, because I ended up with the guy and he really is the better man... but this story is just a warning that if you are looking to reconcile telling her at this early stage (ie you aren't in a relationship or anything) could burst a bubble that you weren't ready to burst yet if you are keeping your options open...
Author GuySimple Posted December 7, 2005 Author Posted December 7, 2005 My situation is that my wife actually initiated the parting of the marriage. It was one of those things where she told me she didn’t love me anymore and didn’t think she would again. However, she was OK with me living in the same house but I wasn’t. I did the councilor thing alone. She never went. So, I moved out and since being apart I have been discovering that once I get my ego out of the way I feel it was the best thing that we parted and don’t see her the same way. I actually find myself quite empathic towards her because I feel that she is not very happy. I am not sure what she thinks about us but I think that I have moved on and am not interested in going back. I am looking for something totally different than what I had. My concern is that she has not thought about the situation that much which may lead to problems once she finds out I have.
westernxer Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 Don't tell her until the divorce (and child custody issues) is final.
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