lilmoma1973 Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 I have a problem that i am dealing with my daughter need some opinions and advice as to what to do!!! Ok I go out with my h he is in a band and they played out and daughter knew that she was going to be staying with maw maw for the night ,i gave her my cell number so that she could call me only if she needed me and when she was ready to tell me goodnight!!! Well we dropped her off at my mom's house and she didn't want to go she has done it before and didn't have a problem before!! I hardly do anything h is always gone to band practice or his gigs i rarely get to do anything .. I am at home with her all the time !! She called me not even 2 seconds before we left her and was saying when you coming to get me and it continued all night till finally we went and got her at 4 am in the morning !! She has been really hard to get along with last week before the gig and now this week after the gig!! I feel she is punishing me for leaving her because she expects me to always be there!! I do everything for her why do i continue to get treated like crap all the time !! She treats me worst than her dad and he is hardly here during the week!! She is a very strongwilled intelligent 6 yr old and she drives me crazy what am i doing wrong? I have punished her from her playstation ,friends and the computer till after christmas !! I hate to do this but something gotta give and she has to see she can't act this way!! I give her attention all the time reading with her ,homework she cooks with me and sometimes she takes baths with me !! I am there for her and she can always count on me but why am i the one treated bad? I am the consistant one and always stick to her punishment and i will spank her too !! Dad wants to be the fun one and don't be hated i don't care she will get over it and will in turn respect me more!!! Sorry so long needed to vent!!
JadeStar Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 What do mean by battle? Like she gives you hard time for things? Getting ready for school, baths etc? Things like that? So she has stayed at her maw-maws before when you all went out or had a place to be and she was ok? But this time was different? Anything happened within that amount of time to make her change as far as her calling you and you going to get her? I imagine if you're the main one that does all the dicipline, you probably feel burnt out. Has she always been strong willed or is this something that has just recently happened? I have heard, (not sure how true this is, but heard) that usually stong willed children at some point will grow out of certain behaviors. Maybe not grow out of them so to speak, but they learn different ways on how to handle/deal with certain feelings on things. Sounds like some sepration anxiety as far as her wanting you to come get her. I never had that situation with my kids really as far as seperation anxiety so can't be much help to you on that. Hopefully somonee else can shed more light. Jade
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Try duct tape. LOL!! that is funny slubber might be nice but i can't do that to her!! :lmao:
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 What do mean by battle? Like she gives you hard time for things? Getting ready for school, baths etc? Things like that? So she has stayed at her maw-maws before when you all went out or had a place to be and she was ok? But this time was different? Anything happened within that amount of time to make her change as far as her calling you and you going to get her? I imagine if you're the main one that does all the dicipline, you probably feel burnt out. Has she always been strong willed or is this something that has just recently happened? I have heard, (not sure how true this is, but heard) that usually stong willed children at some point will grow out of certain behaviors. Maybe not grow out of them so to speak, but they learn different ways on how to handle/deal with certain feelings on things. Sounds like some sepration anxiety as far as her wanting you to come get her. I never had that situation with my kids really as far as seperation anxiety so can't be much help to you on that. Hopefully somonee else can shed more light. Jade Anything is a battle with her be it school whatever!! Could be a separation anxiety thing but it is getting old !! she has always been a strongwilled child and it drives me crazy !! she thinks she is boss here lately and i can't take it !! Maybe we should have left her but i think she thought we wasn't coming back that is why she continued to call my cell phone!! Thanks for your reply
JadeStar Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Perhaps you may have to seek outside help as far as how to deal/handle things. Maybe a professional might could give you some tips or stratagies to try with her. I know sometimes like a child psycholgist will talk and evaulate the child and also help the parents learn how to handle things as well. Just a suggestion. Jade
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Yeah been thinking of that option and also with a strongwilled child if you don't have the help with your spouse that can be hard to deal with also cause you spinning your wheels and getting no where cause you don't have help with this type of child!! H wants another baby and has made this comment almost scared to have sex for fear that he will get me preggo cause he knows this isn't what i want!! H keeps saying she need a playmate !!! i don't think so having trouble with one small one don't need a baby to add to the mix!!!
ThumbingMyWay Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Lil mo I know what your going thru. Same thing with our NOW 6 yo daughter. Seperation Anxiety is all we could think of. Things I would suggest for her to get used to Mommy being gone are: Start out with short times away. Like have her spend a max 2 hours with Gramma. Then next time try 3 hours and so forth. Also give them notice that you are going to do this so they can prepare for it and ask you questions. Try to find a good baby sitter. We found ours thru church. The first few times....we used our 15 year old baby sitter, we had her over while we were still there so our child got to know her. Let them get to know each other. Go to the park together or a movie wiht the baby sitter....but let the baby sitter take her to the bathroom or get her a glass of water or push her on the swing. The first few times we used the sitter....we were only gone for a few hours and then we gradually increased the times up to a point where we let the b-sitter out them to bed. Now...after 2 years....our kids LOVE to have the baby sitter come over....but it took time for the young minds to warm up to that point. She will come around.....she needs to LEARN to be away from you....tuff love so to speak. As for you and your H.....DO NOT PLAY THE GOOD GUY BAD GUY....that is not good. Both of you need to be active in love and dicipline. Good luck!
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Lil mo I know what your going thru. Same thing with our NOW 6 yo daughter. Seperation Anxiety is all we could think of. Things I would suggest for her to get used to Mommy being gone are: Start out with short times away. Like have her spend a max 2 hours with Gramma. Then next time try 3 hours and so forth. Also give them notice that you are going to do this so they can prepare for it and ask you questions. Try to find a good baby sitter. We found ours thru church. The first few times....we used our 15 year old baby sitter, we had her over while we were still there so our child got to know her. Let them get to know each other. Go to the park together or a movie wiht the baby sitter....but let the baby sitter take her to the bathroom or get her a glass of water or push her on the swing. The first few times we used the sitter....we were only gone for a few hours and then we gradually increased the times up to a point where we let the b-sitter out them to bed. Now...after 2 years....our kids LOVE to have the baby sitter come over....but it took time for the young minds to warm up to that point. She will come around.....she needs to LEARN to be away from you....tuff love so to speak. As for you and your H.....DO NOT PLAY THE GOOD GUY BAD GUY....that is not good. Both of you need to be active in love and dicipline. Good luck! Thanks for the advice on the babysitter she is jealous of the neighbor's kids or anybody taking her mom's attention !! I wish my h looked at things like you do but that will never happen because he thinks cause i am with her at home, that he don't have to pull his weight as long he bringing in the pay check thats all he has to do !! I believe i will have to kick her out the house after she graduates she will never leave she loves her mom !! I think she expect dad to not be there but moma will always !! Guess i need to work on that thing you talking about !! This isn't the first time she been away from me ..She stayed with maw maw a couple of times before just this time im paying dearly and she is worst than normal!!
slubberdegullion Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 LOL!! that is funny slubber might be nice but i can't do that to her!! :lmao: Hockey tape, then?
ThumbingMyWay Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Hockey tape, then? do they make PINK hockey tape?...she would surely like it then...
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 do they make PINK hockey tape?...she would surely like it then... Hockey tape not sure that they make it pink if they do she would like that color !!!LOL:laugh: Don't think i could do that to her although it would be nice!!
RecordProducer Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 She treats me worse than her dad and he is hardly here during the week!! Your daughter feels that something is wrong between mommy and daddy (he is never around) and it makes her stressed out. She is expresing her disappointment through nasty behavior. If you're all the time with her, the first time you're not - she misses you. Kids get used to a certain schedule, they like stability. If you start going out more often, she will get used to it. I think she feels bad that daddy is not around so when you both leave her, she feels abandoned. IMHO, you should leave her more often (so she gets used to it) and your husband should be with her more often or at least spend quality time with her when he is around. I hope the gigs pay out, cuz if they are only a hobby, it's not worth the time that your husband doesn't spend with your kid. In any case, the nicer you are to your daughter the better she will treat you. She feels your moods and detects every feeling inside you. Children are very responsive to their parents' emotional states. When you feel stressed, they feel your weakness and feel insecure/unprotected. They protest against what they don't like by showing anger towards you. When you're happy - they are happy too. I know this from my kids.
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 7, 2005 Author Posted December 7, 2005 Your daughter feels that something is wrong between mommy and daddy (he is never around) and it makes her stressed out. She is expresing her disappointment through nasty behavior. If you're all the time with her, the first time you're not - she misses you. Kids get used to a certain schedule, they like stability. If you start going out more often, she will get used to it. I think she feels bad that daddy is not around so when you both leave her, she feels abandoned. IMHO, you should leave her more often (so she gets used to it) and your husband should be with her more often or at least spend quality time with her when he is around. I hope the gigs pay out, cuz if they are only a hobby, it's not worth the time that your husband doesn't spend with your kid. In any case, the nicer you are to your daughter the better she will treat you. She feels your moods and detects every feeling inside you. Children are very responsive to their parents' emotional states. When you feel stressed, they feel your weakness and feel insecure/unprotected. They protest against what they don't like by showing anger towards you. When you're happy - they are happy too. I know this from my kids. RP thanks for your advice and i totally agree with you maybe she isn't mad at me maybe it is that she is wanting to spend time with her dad and this is her way with anger with me !! I understand her feelings and all but i am good as gold to her and always doing something with her why should i get the repercussions of what she is lacking with her dad !! How is this fair to me?
MaggieMay20 Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 Sounds like you have alot going on. Seperation anxiety is bad enough but add a strong willed child and a spouse that doesn't help much or isn't around alot, then you got a real problem. I say counseling for the whole family all the way around. Your child may need a childrens counselor that can help her. Someone she can talk too and confide in what may be really going on. You and your husband may need counseling as well, to help you both learn to pull together as a team to help the child. Is this something you're both willing to do? Be prepared to be asked many types of different questions. Such as how do you or your husband handle things when things get rough in your life? Does the child see or hear things going on between you and a your spouse of fmaily memeber? Is theres any type of emotional/pyhsical/sexual abuse going on? Even if these things are not going on now, but may have at some point, she may still carry scars from that. You will be asked how you interact with the child and how you talk to to her. Example, if you holler at her and treat her badly in your words, then chances are she will give back to you what she gets from you. If theres physical abuse going in past or present and the child has seen it, then chances are she will lash out back at a parent for the same action they recieved or seen, etc. Get your family in counseling soon. Good luck to you.
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 8, 2005 Author Posted December 8, 2005 Sounds like you have alot going on. Seperation anxiety is bad enough but add a strong willed child and a spouse that doesn't help much or isn't around alot, then you got a real problem. I say counseling for the whole family all the way around. Your child may need a childrens counselor that can help her. Someone she can talk too and confide in what may be really going on. You and your husband may need counseling as well, to help you both learn to pull together as a team to help the child. Is this something you're both willing to do? Be prepared to be asked many types of different questions. Such as how do you or your husband handle things when things get rough in your life? Does the child see or hear things going on between you and a your spouse of fmaily memeber? Is theres any type of emotional/pyhsical/sexual abuse going on? Even if these things are not going on now, but may have at some point, she may still carry scars from that. You will be asked how you interact with the child and how you talk to to her. Example, if you holler at her and treat her badly in your words, then chances are she will give back to you what she gets from you. If theres physical abuse going in past or present and the child has seen it, then chances are she will lash out back at a parent for the same action they recieved or seen, etc. Get your family in counseling soon. Good luck to you. I let my h read my post i made and he is now understanding what is going on and seeing that we both have to pull together with her and ss and be on the same page in order for things to be better with her attitude and we also explained to her that she can't continue to act the way she is and that is no way to get attention .. We have also started a behavior chart and if she is good at the end of the week she will be rewarded and if not she gets nothing !! We doing this because it works at school except they have sticks they have to turn !! So we will see how it goes..
Outcast Posted December 8, 2005 Posted December 8, 2005 Yay to you both! So glad to hear you're working together on this!
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 8, 2005 Author Posted December 8, 2005 Yay to you both! So glad to hear you're working together on this! Thanks Outcast ... Love to watch Nanny 911 and have gotten some great tips from what she does as far as behavior and finding it works for my daughter ..!!! Just hope h is consistant and follow through like he said he would !! I will give him the benefit of the doubt and see what happens!!
Author lilmoma1973 Posted December 12, 2005 Author Posted December 12, 2005 I just wanted to give an update on my daughter's progress and it hasn't changed to much still as stubborn as ever and not wanting to listen!! This morning she was late for school because she didn't want to go she was tired and was lagging to get dressed and she was being really hard to get along!! My h and i have been on the same page with discipling and all and h been helping with the cleaning really pulling his weight and we have stuck to the things being taken away !! I just don't know what to do anymore my patience is wearing thin!! My h are going to start leaving her with people more often and she can like it or not she going and give us some time as a couple !! She don't want to be away from us and i am here for her and h is doing his best to be there for her too !! He has improved so why is she still rebelling!
Touche Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 Because she's testing. It won't work overnight. Be consistent for awhile and then she'll give up testing. Hang in there! They can really wear you down, can't they?
JadeStar Posted December 12, 2005 Posted December 12, 2005 I agree shes probably still testing you. Hopefully with you and your husband continuing to stick together as far as the way you handle things, she will eventually get tired of the 'testing" and may give up. I still say maybe talk with a child pyshcologist to see if they can see exactly what may be causing her to act this way and maybe give you some better tips to try. Couldn't hurt anyway. Jade
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