tinktronik Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Hello All, I am finnaly having a glitch in the lovely relationship. My s/o divorced several years ago back before we moved in together. His wife turned out to be mentally ill and was instatutionalized for a time. Some time later she ran away with the circus ( litterally ) . My s/o has been terrified of her for a long time , she destroyed his career and family life. She made up lies and passed them around even when they were together for no apparent reason other that to be harmful of him and others and to pull attention to herself. This is in fact one of the key signs to her illness. So back to this, after his divorce we got together (some time later) she had already run off, we moved away to somewhere else ( where we are now) , neither of us have family here or any prior connection to where we now live. Its been years since we spoke with his ex or even knew where she was. Well shes found us , I work a couple of days a week ,part time away from my job, and his ex has showed up and gotten a job there. My s/o is terrified wants to pack and run away, hes terrified of her finding out where we live and comming by to slander us to neighbors when were not here, or showing up at our agency to start problems. Im not sure what she wants and have considered going to management and having her let go , but he fears this will just anger her into action. Surely her being here is not just coinsidence?Were not real sure what to do in reguards to her.He has heard from prior relationships that she has popped up years after just to start the destruction again , and this certainly seems to fit that.Help.
Skeered Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Sounds scary for sure...this is not normal. Have you thought of putting a restraining order against her...in case she thinks of doin something you will be prepared ahead of time. just a thought. Not sure if this would enrage her to try to do something or not but at least you would have an order to protect.
Author tinktronik Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Sounds scary for sure...this is not normal. Have you thought of putting a restraining order against her...in case she thinks of doin something you will be prepared ahead of time. just a thought. Not sure if this would enrage her to try to do something or not but at least you would have an order to protect. I have thought of getting a protection order, but i dont know if I have grounds to.The situation is very odd , but I think she has to do something illegal first.Does anyone know?
Skeered Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Well I would think given the history of HER past and the mental illness and the fact that she seems to have a history of doing this (in "finding" her ex's) I think you would have a right. Best way to find out is to call the court in your area and see what the law states.
RecordProducer Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Tink, I am so sorry you have to put up with this crap. I wish you to solve this problem as quickly as possible. In any case, I would warn all the friends, neighbors, and co-worcers of a crazy ex that might try to harm you, especially if your hubby loves his work. If the best she can do is spread lies then don't worry so much. He has a proof of her illness (cuz she's been institutionalized). I hope she won't try anything worse than that though. Perhaps you could warn (threaten) his ex that the police has been notified (even though it's not) about her potential actions and that in case she tries anything, they will put her back in the nut house.
Craig Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 I have thought of getting a protection order, but i dont know if I have grounds to.The situation is very odd , but I think she has to do something illegal first.Does anyone know? This link might help but keep looking for ideas too. http://www.womenslaw.org/TX/TX_how_to.htm
Author tinktronik Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Well I would think given the history of HER past and the mental illness and the fact that she seems to have a history of doing this (in "finding" her ex's) I think you would have a right. Best way to find out is to call the court in your area and see what the law states. I called and spoke with the magistrate in my area and was told that b/c she has broken no laws that she can work and live anywhere she wants as long a she does not become violent. If she does become violent then we can get restraining orders.
Craig Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Call a local domestic violence center and ask to talk to an advocate or counselor, they should be able to help you put together an argument for a protective order. My guess is that because of her history of instability that you would have a reasonable fear covered by Texas Family Code (Sec. 71.004) that defines "family violence" in part as: "a threat that reasonably places the member in fear of imminent physical harm, bodily injury, assault or sexual assault...." If I were you I'd be in fear of getting hurt by a crazy woman that tracks people down. You have to take the bull by the horns here and struggle if you have to in order to the the protective order. Once you have it, if she violates it, she'll get arrested (or should get arrested.) There may be some other way to deal with her and that is where the domestic violence center comes in. They have the experts and knowledge (or should have) to help you and your husband.
Author tinktronik Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Tink, I am so sorry you have to put up with this crap. I wish you to solve this problem as quickly as possible. In any case, I would warn all the friends, neighbors, and co-worcers of a crazy ex that might try to harm you, especially if your hubby loves his work. If the best she can do is spread lies then don't worry so much. He has a proof of her illness (cuz she's been institutionalized). I hope she won't try anything worse than that though. Perhaps you could warn (threaten) his ex that the police has been notified (even though it's not) about her potential actions and that in case she tries anything, they will put her back in the nut house. Weve talked about warning friends and such that she may appear , the problem with this in the past ( with my s/o) is that the lies she spreads , while they may sound strange to people they tend to not be forgotten reguardless of their the truth or not. And even if work is warned or not it gets looked at as something you have caused .In the past she has actually shown up out of the blue into his life and gotten restraining orders against,made accusations against him, and had him arrested without him even knowing she was in the area.This was before we knew each other and the charges eventually went away but it caused many problems in his life and looked really bad.This left over questioning in peoples minds just dosent ever go away.I knew them both casually before me and my s/o became friends , I used to hang out in a coffe house that was open 24 hrs and just hang as I had a bad marrige myself and tended to not want to be home much. It was obvious to me that something was not right with this lady , but at times she appeared , calm rational and intelligent , but I also saw times when she was lying , out of controll, being violent, and clearly CRAZY.This is a very dangerous combination. She has also had multiple men across the country arrested and charged with rape ,when we got a call from a friend we knew , my s/o called the station and made them aware of his ex's past and her mental illness the man in question was released and all charges were dropped.i dont know if she really belives these things have happened or not. But I dont want to threaten her as my s/o is right , she is dangerous but Im not sure how to get rid of her, and now that she knows where we are ...oh I dont know???
Author tinktronik Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Call a local domestic violence center and ask to talk to an advocate or counselor, they should be able to help you put together an argument for a protective order. My guess is that because of her history of instability that you would have a reasonable fear covered by Texas Family Code (Sec. 71.004) that defines "family violence" in part as: "a threat that reasonably places the member in fear of imminent physical harm, bodily injury, assault or sexual assault...." If I were you I'd be in fear of getting hurt by a crazy woman that tracks people down. You have to take the bull by the horns here and struggle if you have to in order to the the protective order. Once you have it, if she violates it, she'll get arrested (or should get arrested.) There may be some other way to deal with her and that is where the domestic violence center comes in. They have the experts and knowledge (or should have) to help you and your husband. Thankyou Craig, very very good suggestion here , im going to give a call and see what I can do with them,I agree we should be able to get orders . So lets give them a try.
RecordProducer Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Well how many times can she yell "Wolf! Wolf!" She had at least two men arrested because of her false accusations and later released. So that should be comforting rather than threatening for you. You know what I mean? Your SO may want to prepare a document that states that she's been hospitalized for mental illness before in case something happens at work or elsewhere. If she tries anything, you can always sue her and since she is unaccountable, she will probably be put back where she belongs. If your SO could talk to her manager without her finding out later about it, it would be great. Perhaps she gets fired and moves out. Would it help if your SO talks to her nicely and asks her to not cause any problems for her own sake? I know she's crazy, but she still is a human being, maybe she will respond to kindness. What's her diagnosis?
Author tinktronik Posted December 7, 2005 Author Posted December 7, 2005 Well how many times can she yell "Wolf! Wolf!" She had at least two men arrested because of her false accusations and later released. So that should be comforting rather than threatening for you. You know what I mean? Your SO may want to prepare a document that states that she's been hospitalized for mental illness before in case something happens at work or elsewhere. If she tries anything, you can always sue her and since she is unaccountable, she will probably be put back where she belongs. If your SO could talk to her manager without her finding out later about it, it would be great. Perhaps she gets fired and moves out. Would it help if your SO talks to her nicely and asks her to not cause any problems for her own sake? I know she's crazy, but she still is a human be ing, maybe she will respond to kindness. What's her diagnosis? Yeah I agree, I dont know hao many times she could get people arested , I know of four so far but they were all in California.Im sure if she does something with the courts it will come to light that its not truthful.Yes he actually has coppies of paperwork from when she was instatutionalized so weve got that on hand. Shes actually working at the place I work , and I could talk to the manager about her but my s/o seems to think this will just put the bee in her bonnet and give her what she will belive to be a reason to attack. I really dont think him talking to her would help, my so thinks shes probably out of resourses and here to see if he has any.I dont know I would like to think that talking to her would help , but then what kind of person shows up after years in a state theyve never lived in working at your fiances job ? Not a rational person I dont think? Oh boy I dont know.Oh shes diagnosed Borderline personality , with shizotypical features and histrionics.( not sure what some of it means but thats the formal diagnosis).
RecordProducer Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 Read about all three syndromes on the net in order to learn about her potential behavior. She seeks attention and feels everything exaggerated. Perhaps if you would pay attention to her, that might prevent her from forcing you to pay attention to her? I would speak to a pshychiatrist about this case and ask what you're expected to do in order to stay safe.
Author tinktronik Posted December 11, 2005 Author Posted December 11, 2005 Well just wanted to do an update here. I spoke with my supervisor at work, and he found the situation rather odd .He immidiatly realized that this could be a problem for him and decided to let her go . I havent been back to work since , so Ill know more after I go back.But he did assure me that he did not give out any personal info on me such as my addy or telephone number.Also said there was no way she could have followed me home as hed been having her work an extra hour after I left work. It turns out , that shes living in a hotel down the street from where I work also , and my super said she was real vague on why she was in town and everything.So hopefully nothing will come of it , but if it does ill keep everyone posted.
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