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Posted

Long story short, I dated this girl on and off for 2 years. We had a couple break ups. The most recent one was about a month after she moved in with me in September. She needed a place to stay and me, being a kind person, allowed her to stay, rent free to help her build some savings to move into her own place. Soon after she gave me the typical line "I need my space" so she moved to the couch and started hanging out and making new friends.

 

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. She meets some guy and they start hanging out almost every night. Mind you, she is still living with me. Last night she comes home late and they are making out in front of my garage (I can see them from the window).

 

That's all it took.

 

When she came into the house I sat her down and said "You need to be out of here by Saturday, sooner if possible." I then proceeded to tell her how disrespectful it was to do that it front of my house, to have him around my house and that I wasn't going to put up with. That I have enough self-worth and self-respect to draw the line.

 

Granted I had put up with a lot and been a doormat for so long that she naturally assumed I would say nothing or wouldn't find out.

 

I told her that I would never pursue her again. That through the entire relationship all I did was love her and she in return just kicked sand in my face. That I would never put up with that kind of behavior from anyone again. That I was STUPID for putting up with her for so long and that I deserved BETTER.

 

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and the shackles released. Yes, I am sad a little bit because I thought she was the one. I just never realized how wrong I was.

 

At least I salvaged some self-respect and dignity to some degree. This has been a painful learning experience and one that I will never allow to happen to me again.

 

Learn from my experience. When your S/O gives you the warning signs they just aren't into you and heed them. Get out of there as soon as possible and salvage your dignity and self-respect. In the process you will protect yourself from getting in too deep and wallowing in self-pity.

 

Don't get me wrong, if all the right signs are there, do love them. Just be careful to draw boundaries and have your own life. Let them compliment your life, not BE your life.

 

Cheers.

Posted

Good job. Don't let her change your mind, even if she cries.

 

If nothing's packed by Friday and she's out for the evening, box her shiit up and leave it on the porch.

 

Then change the locks.

Posted

I'm proud of you CaliGuy! Nobody deserves to be treated disrespectfully.

Posted

I applaude you for having the balls to keep your dignity. I am slowly facing that reality myself. No one should take any disrespect from a S/O. I learned that they will allow you to feel weak, so they may step all over you knowing you care for them. But enough is enough. Good for you!. That type of inspiration is what a lot of us here need, in order to continue on with our heads up high.

 

Good luck to you bro, and thanks.

Posted

Right on dude!!!

A disrespectful gal is not worth shedding a tear for. Feel good about what you did and don't let it happen again.:)

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Posted

Thanks. It was painful for me to do but I made sure as I spoke to her I was calm and rational. I didn't blow up, cry, yell, scream or otherwise throw a tantrum.

 

What it comes down to is this woman never respected me. At the very least I have gotten my dignity and respect back. I don't think she'll change nor do I even think she'll bat an eye when she leaves.

 

But one day I am sure she'll look back and realize she screwed up with the best person she ever had in her life. And by that time I'll be with someone 10x better for me.

 

Never, ever let someone cross your boundaries. Also, it helps to have a lot of hobbies and friends so you're not constantly seeking atttention (and thus approval) from others.

Posted

Get on with your bad self. I would have to say that I probably would have went outside and turned the hose on them before telling her to hit the road.

  • Author
Posted
Good job. Don't let her change your mind, even if she cries.

 

If nothing's packed by Friday and she's out for the evening, box her shiit up and leave it on the porch.

 

Then change the locks.

 

She won't ask to stay, she knows better. She also won't shed a tear. After all, she has a new guy in her life and that's all exciting to her. I was never a priority to her. I was merely an 'enabler' in that I enabled her to walk all over me.

 

She was definitely surprised to see that side of me. It was a long time coming.

Posted

Good on ya, CaliGuy. You did the right thing.

  • Author
Posted
Get on with your bad self. I would have to say that I probably would have went outside and turned the hose on them before telling her to hit the road.

 

That wouldn't have been wise on my part. The new guy is about 80lbs heavier than me and a Marine that does work similar to the Navy Seals.

 

You know I was just thinking. About the only thing that she is sad about is losing internet access, the satellite dish and a free place to stay. Now she has to pay rent and REALLY learn what life is like. Now she can't afford some of the things she was counting on.

 

She has low self-esteem and wanted to get breast augmentation. Hers are perfect the way they are, but she insist. She wants to get a nose job and lip injection. I mean, she seriously doesn't think much of herself.

Posted
You know I was just thinking. About the only thing that she is sad about is losing internet access, the satellite dish and a free place to stay. Now she has to pay rent and REALLY learn what life is like. Now she can't afford some of the things she was counting on.

 

She has low self-esteem and wanted to get breast augmentation. Hers are perfect the way they are, but she insist. She wants to get a nose job and lip injection. I mean, she seriously doesn't think much of herself.

 

Sincerity isn't enough for some people, but that's life.

 

Don't let this make you bitter, but don't let your guard down either, at least until you've found someone you feel is worth it. Then go from there and see what happens.

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Posted
Sincerity isn't enough for some people, but that's life.

 

Don't let this make you bitter, but don't let your guard down either, at least until you've found someone you feel is worth it. Then go from there and see what happens.

 

She isn't worth it right now, I know that's for sure. I guess I hung on so long because she had brief moments where she let the GOOD person out that I always believed was there. Instead, she clung to the insecure TAKER she has always been.

 

I'm not much of a poet but I slapped this together. I'm going to keep it around for a while to help remind me of what NOT to do.

 

Stupid Fool

 

When you came into my life

You were broken and torn apart

I wrapped my arms around you

And mended your bleeding heart

 

I loved you unconditionally

And accepted all your faults

I helped patch up your pride

And rebuild your self-esteem

 

And what did you do

The first chance you can?

You didn't hesitate to leave me

Straight into the arms of another man

 

You fell back into old patterns

One broken relationship after another

Men who never loved you

Only using you as a stop-gap lover

 

Once again I let you back into my life

Thank God's amazing grace

I helped you find a job

And let you stay at my place

 

And again you show your thanks

By loving someone anew

And leaving me wondering

What I had done to you

 

So who is the fool

In this awful menagerie?

Not you if that's what you think

It's always been foolish me

 

Hurt me once, shame on you

Hurt me twice, shame on me

That's the rule of a stupid fool

And all that's left broken is me

Posted

Way to go!

 

Be strong! I don't know if you go to church or whatever but i was raised catholic...haven't been to church since I moved out except holidays with my family. But it really helps me to ask Him for help and try to take a breath and hand it over to Him when I feel over whelmed.

 

All I got that helps make the days and nights easier for me right now are friends and Him. Other guys interested doesn't hurt but I believe I have to find peace with my last relationship ending before I start a new one...although that would be the easiest thing to do.

 

Good luck and hang in there...don't let time between now and saturday make you weaker to let her stay just one more day stay firm :)

Posted

Poetry is cathartic... keep it up.

  • Author
Posted

I made some changes to the poem to add in things I had forgotten. The words just seem to flow.

 

Stupid Fool

 

When you came into my life

You were broken and torn apart

I wrapped my arms around you

And mended your bleeding heart

 

I accepted all your faults

And loved you unconditionally

Helped rebuild your self-esteem

And patch your dignity

 

 

Too good to be true

Is what you said of me

But I never wavered

I was always who I proved to be

 

All this meant nothing to you

Your selfish interest were at heart

It drove a nail between us

And tore us apart

 

And what did you do

The first chance you can?

You didn't hesitate to leave me

Into the arms of another man

 

You sought out other men

Ones you needed to chase

To boost your self-esteem

And put you in your place

 

You created a new pattern

One broken relationship after another

Men who never loved you

Only using you as a stop-gap lover

 

So back to me you come

And I thanked God's amazing grace

I helped you find a good job

And let you stay at my place

 

 

And again you show your thanks

By loving someone anew

And leaving me wondering

What wrong had I done to you???

 

All I ever wanted

Was to see you smile and say

That you are very happy

And it will always be this way

 

I never tried to impress you

Or buy your love with a bill

I only loved you with all my heart

And prayed it was God's will

 

So who is the fool here

In this awful menagerie?

Not you if that's what you think

It's always been foolish me

 

Hurt me once, shame on you

Hurt me twice, shame on me

That's the rule of a stupid fool

And all that's left broken is me

Posted

well done cali

we have all been fools in love at some time or other

things are changing tho eh?

  • Author
Posted

Yes, I hope so.

 

I'm sick and tired of being a doormat.

I'm sick and tired of enabling dysfunctional people.

I'm sick of being taken for granted.

I'm sick of being disrespected.

I'm sick of loving and not being loved in return.

 

It took seeing her smooching some other guy for me to say enough is enough.

 

What a fool I was!

Posted

Excellent work CaliGuy! But next time, don't spill your feelings to her. After all, she doesn't care. Just say, "hey, my new girlfriend is moving in with me, so you're gonna have to be out of here by Saturday." Now, you can focus on finding a woman who really digs you!

  • Author
Posted
Excellent work CaliGuy! But next time, don't spill your feelings to her. After all, she doesn't care. Just say, "hey, my new girlfriend is moving in with me, so you're gonna have to be out of here by Saturday." Now, you can focus on finding a woman who really digs you!

 

I'm not spilling my guts to her, that's for sure :) She got an earful last night of my disgust for her total lack of respect. I'm walking away with my dignity and self-respect in place!

Posted

Well done CaliGuy, you win, she loses. End of game. Don't spare her a second thought.

 

Keep your guard up next time, these people are bad news, should carry a sign around with them.

 

Maybe....

 

Government Health Warning

Dating this person may lead to emotional damage.

Contains nuts, may affect your ability to drive your life.

  • Author
Posted
Well done CaliGuy, you win, she loses. End of game. Don't spare her a second thought.

 

Keep your guard up next time, these people are bad news, should carry a sign around with them.

 

She has done some terrible things to me, but she also has done some very nice things. That's what's so frustrating to me. She never falls to one side of the fence, whether it's with me or in her every day actions. She's too wishy-washy to be with ANY man, not just me. And to top it off, her communication skills are terrible -- and she is easily embarrassed so she'll hide anything that might embarrass her.

 

She's broken, plain and simple. I wish I had learned that a long time ago. I'm not a 'nice guy', I am more balanced that I thought I was. I was just terribly in love with a completely dysfunctional woman. Period.

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