CaliGuy Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Long story short, I dated this girl on and off for 2 years. We had a couple break ups. The most recent one was about a month after she moved in with me in September. She needed a place to stay and me, being a kind person, allowed her to stay, rent free to help her build some savings to move into her own place. Soon after she gave me the typical line "I need my space" so she moved to the couch and started hanging out and making new friends. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. She meets some guy and they start hanging out almost every night. Mind you, she is still living with me. Last night she comes home late and they are making out in front of my garage (I can see them from the window). That's all it took. When she came into the house I sat her down and said "You need to be out of here by Saturday, sooner if possible." I then proceeded to tell her how disrespectful it was to do that it front of my house, to have him around my house and that I wasn't going to put up with. That I have enough self-worth and self-respect to draw the line. Granted I had put up with a lot and been a doormat for so long that she naturally assumed I would say nothing or wouldn't find out. I told her that I would never pursue her again. That through the entire relationship all I did was love her and she in return just kicked sand in my face. That I would never put up with that kind of behavior from anyone again. That I was STUPID for putting up with her for so long and that I deserved BETTER. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and the shackles released. Yes, I am sad a little bit because I thought she was the one. I just never realized how wrong I was. At least I salvaged some self-respect and dignity to some degree. This has been a painful learning experience and one that I will never allow to happen to me again. Learn from my experience. When your S/O gives you the warning signs they just aren't into you and heed them. Get out of there as soon as possible and salvage your dignity and self-respect. In the process you will protect yourself from getting in too deep and wallowing in self-pity. Don't get me wrong, if all the right signs are there, do love them. Just be careful to draw boundaries and have your own life. Let them compliment your life, not BE your life. Cheers.
westernxer Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Good job. Don't let her change your mind, even if she cries. If nothing's packed by Friday and she's out for the evening, box her shiit up and leave it on the porch. Then change the locks.
JS17 Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 I'm proud of you CaliGuy! Nobody deserves to be treated disrespectfully.
ohzee Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 I applaude you for having the balls to keep your dignity. I am slowly facing that reality myself. No one should take any disrespect from a S/O. I learned that they will allow you to feel weak, so they may step all over you knowing you care for them. But enough is enough. Good for you!. That type of inspiration is what a lot of us here need, in order to continue on with our heads up high. Good luck to you bro, and thanks.
Yamaha Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Right on dude!!! A disrespectful gal is not worth shedding a tear for. Feel good about what you did and don't let it happen again.
Author CaliGuy Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Thanks. It was painful for me to do but I made sure as I spoke to her I was calm and rational. I didn't blow up, cry, yell, scream or otherwise throw a tantrum. What it comes down to is this woman never respected me. At the very least I have gotten my dignity and respect back. I don't think she'll change nor do I even think she'll bat an eye when she leaves. But one day I am sure she'll look back and realize she screwed up with the best person she ever had in her life. And by that time I'll be with someone 10x better for me. Never, ever let someone cross your boundaries. Also, it helps to have a lot of hobbies and friends so you're not constantly seeking atttention (and thus approval) from others.
fomerlyniceguy Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Get on with your bad self. I would have to say that I probably would have went outside and turned the hose on them before telling her to hit the road.
Author CaliGuy Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Good job. Don't let her change your mind, even if she cries. If nothing's packed by Friday and she's out for the evening, box her shiit up and leave it on the porch. Then change the locks. She won't ask to stay, she knows better. She also won't shed a tear. After all, she has a new guy in her life and that's all exciting to her. I was never a priority to her. I was merely an 'enabler' in that I enabled her to walk all over me. She was definitely surprised to see that side of me. It was a long time coming.
slubberdegullion Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Good on ya, CaliGuy. You did the right thing.
Author CaliGuy Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Get on with your bad self. I would have to say that I probably would have went outside and turned the hose on them before telling her to hit the road. That wouldn't have been wise on my part. The new guy is about 80lbs heavier than me and a Marine that does work similar to the Navy Seals. You know I was just thinking. About the only thing that she is sad about is losing internet access, the satellite dish and a free place to stay. Now she has to pay rent and REALLY learn what life is like. Now she can't afford some of the things she was counting on. She has low self-esteem and wanted to get breast augmentation. Hers are perfect the way they are, but she insist. She wants to get a nose job and lip injection. I mean, she seriously doesn't think much of herself.
westernxer Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 You know I was just thinking. About the only thing that she is sad about is losing internet access, the satellite dish and a free place to stay. Now she has to pay rent and REALLY learn what life is like. Now she can't afford some of the things she was counting on. She has low self-esteem and wanted to get breast augmentation. Hers are perfect the way they are, but she insist. She wants to get a nose job and lip injection. I mean, she seriously doesn't think much of herself. Sincerity isn't enough for some people, but that's life. Don't let this make you bitter, but don't let your guard down either, at least until you've found someone you feel is worth it. Then go from there and see what happens.
Author CaliGuy Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Sincerity isn't enough for some people, but that's life. Don't let this make you bitter, but don't let your guard down either, at least until you've found someone you feel is worth it. Then go from there and see what happens. She isn't worth it right now, I know that's for sure. I guess I hung on so long because she had brief moments where she let the GOOD person out that I always believed was there. Instead, she clung to the insecure TAKER she has always been. I'm not much of a poet but I slapped this together. I'm going to keep it around for a while to help remind me of what NOT to do. Stupid Fool When you came into my life You were broken and torn apart I wrapped my arms around you And mended your bleeding heart I loved you unconditionally And accepted all your faults I helped patch up your pride And rebuild your self-esteem And what did you do The first chance you can? You didn't hesitate to leave me Straight into the arms of another man You fell back into old patterns One broken relationship after another Men who never loved you Only using you as a stop-gap lover Once again I let you back into my life Thank God's amazing grace I helped you find a job And let you stay at my place And again you show your thanks By loving someone anew And leaving me wondering What I had done to you So who is the fool In this awful menagerie? Not you if that's what you think It's always been foolish me Hurt me once, shame on you Hurt me twice, shame on me That's the rule of a stupid fool And all that's left broken is me
steffany Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Way to go! Be strong! I don't know if you go to church or whatever but i was raised catholic...haven't been to church since I moved out except holidays with my family. But it really helps me to ask Him for help and try to take a breath and hand it over to Him when I feel over whelmed. All I got that helps make the days and nights easier for me right now are friends and Him. Other guys interested doesn't hurt but I believe I have to find peace with my last relationship ending before I start a new one...although that would be the easiest thing to do. Good luck and hang in there...don't let time between now and saturday make you weaker to let her stay just one more day stay firm
Author CaliGuy Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 I made some changes to the poem to add in things I had forgotten. The words just seem to flow. Stupid Fool When you came into my life You were broken and torn apart I wrapped my arms around you And mended your bleeding heart I accepted all your faults And loved you unconditionally Helped rebuild your self-esteem And patch your dignity Too good to be true Is what you said of me But I never wavered I was always who I proved to be All this meant nothing to you Your selfish interest were at heart It drove a nail between us And tore us apart And what did you do The first chance you can? You didn't hesitate to leave me Into the arms of another man You sought out other men Ones you needed to chase To boost your self-esteem And put you in your place You created a new pattern One broken relationship after another Men who never loved you Only using you as a stop-gap lover So back to me you come And I thanked God's amazing grace I helped you find a good job And let you stay at my place And again you show your thanks By loving someone anew And leaving me wondering What wrong had I done to you??? All I ever wanted Was to see you smile and say That you are very happy And it will always be this way I never tried to impress you Or buy your love with a bill I only loved you with all my heart And prayed it was God's will So who is the fool here In this awful menagerie? Not you if that's what you think It's always been foolish me Hurt me once, shame on you Hurt me twice, shame on me That's the rule of a stupid fool And all that's left broken is me
newbby Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 well done cali we have all been fools in love at some time or other things are changing tho eh?
Author CaliGuy Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Yes, I hope so. I'm sick and tired of being a doormat. I'm sick and tired of enabling dysfunctional people. I'm sick of being taken for granted. I'm sick of being disrespected. I'm sick of loving and not being loved in return. It took seeing her smooching some other guy for me to say enough is enough. What a fool I was!
gfto Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Excellent work CaliGuy! But next time, don't spill your feelings to her. After all, she doesn't care. Just say, "hey, my new girlfriend is moving in with me, so you're gonna have to be out of here by Saturday." Now, you can focus on finding a woman who really digs you!
Author CaliGuy Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 Excellent work CaliGuy! But next time, don't spill your feelings to her. After all, she doesn't care. Just say, "hey, my new girlfriend is moving in with me, so you're gonna have to be out of here by Saturday." Now, you can focus on finding a woman who really digs you! I'm not spilling my guts to her, that's for sure She got an earful last night of my disgust for her total lack of respect. I'm walking away with my dignity and self-respect in place!
witabix Posted December 7, 2005 Posted December 7, 2005 Well done CaliGuy, you win, she loses. End of game. Don't spare her a second thought. Keep your guard up next time, these people are bad news, should carry a sign around with them. Maybe.... Government Health Warning Dating this person may lead to emotional damage. Contains nuts, may affect your ability to drive your life.
Author CaliGuy Posted December 7, 2005 Author Posted December 7, 2005 Well done CaliGuy, you win, she loses. End of game. Don't spare her a second thought. Keep your guard up next time, these people are bad news, should carry a sign around with them. She has done some terrible things to me, but she also has done some very nice things. That's what's so frustrating to me. She never falls to one side of the fence, whether it's with me or in her every day actions. She's too wishy-washy to be with ANY man, not just me. And to top it off, her communication skills are terrible -- and she is easily embarrassed so she'll hide anything that might embarrass her. She's broken, plain and simple. I wish I had learned that a long time ago. I'm not a 'nice guy', I am more balanced that I thought I was. I was just terribly in love with a completely dysfunctional woman. Period.
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